


Severus' choice

by Acop



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Happy Ending, Severus Snape-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acop/pseuds/Acop
Summary: How one choice changed history's course, or the life of Severus Snape from Hogwarts to adulthood if characters were less caricatural, and Voldemort and the Death Eaters were more than bogeymen.This is an AU, events before and after may differ from the books.
Comments: 25
Kudos: 66





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I am only playing in this world for fun.  
> Thanks Miette for betaing this chapter and working on the story with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Miette and dstone12 who betaed this chapter :)

The five-year-old was shaking.  
His parents were arguing. Again.  
They were shouting and insulting each other. Again. 

The boy was used to the arguments, how one small action from either of his parents would be the pretext for another round of shouting and screaming, accusations flying back and forth between his father and Mother. What the boy could not get used to was how his parents always ended up criticizing him even though he was not present. How his father never spoke of him with any tenderness.

He cringed as Mother’s next words reached him. This argument was old and seldom ended without his father leaving their home for the night. Once, he had even slapped Mother over it.

“Why can’t you let it go, Tobias?” shouted Mother exasperated. “Don’t you remember how happy we were before the boy’s mishap? Surely, it does not matter so much that we can’t — ”

“A mishap?” sneered his father. “A mishap is a boy breaking his mug. A mishap is a boy muddying my Sunday clothes. A two years old making his favourite toy fly to him is not a f…..g mishap!”

“Tobias, honestly, I — ”

“Honestly?”

His father’s voice was cold, not shouting anymore yet the boy could hear him as clearly as if he was in the room with them.

“If you had been honest, dear wife, if you had told me you were a f…..g witch before our wedding, I would have run the other way and you know it perfectly well. I might have accepted it if you had not passed your curse on your son, but this is the way of such curse isn’t it? You knew any child of yours would be cursed like you are. You were not surprised when the boy made his f…..g ball fly. No, you only were horrified because I saw him use his curse.”

“You are a hypocrite ! ” retorted Mother. “You are happy enough to drink my medicine and get better in minutes instead of healing the muggle way!”

“Because I did not know your medicine was unnatural!” shouted his father.

“How could you not suspect?” shot back Mother. “No natural medicine as you call them can heal like my potions do.”

“Do not try to turn the table on me Eileen , ” snarled his father. “I never asked for your witchery. You knew how the war destroyed my family, you knew I only wanted a peaceful life with a job to pay the bills and a nice gal who would bore me beautiful, normal children!”

“And you have it! Why can’t you accept Magic does not change the fact that we are a family?”

The boy squirmed as Mother’s words were followed by a long silence, daring to hope that today’s argument might be the one to convince his father that he could be a good son.

“Magic is dangerous and unnatural. You know it Eileen. Is it not why you ran away with me?” Asked his father with a defeated sigh.

“Dear, I eloped with you because I love you , ” answered Mother sweetly. “What if… There is a potion which can rid the boy of his Magic. I am not skilled enough to brew it but if we put enough money aside,...”

His parents kept talking but they must have moved or were talking really low because the boy could not hear them anymore. He sighed in relief, letting his body relax. Today was a good day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At eight years old, Severus was a serious and lonely child. He did not go to muggle school as Mother insisted he should not have to bear with the poor commoners that went there and their awful lack of manners. Father had snorted at that, saying they were poor commoners themselves, not princes, and that most of the kids that went to the neighbouring school had fathers who worked with him at the factory.  
Still, Mother was not to be swayed on this so Severus was home-schooled from his sixth birthday, mainly on grammar—Mother would not tolerate him speaking like an illiterate runt—, mathematics, geography and biology. Thankfully for Severus, he loved learning and absorbed everything he could.  
Mother quickly decided he would learn about Magic too, despite his father’s objections. They argued for a week, loudly, breaking dishes and screaming, even slapping each other once or twice. Severus did not know how Mother finally won the argument, but she did. She set up a routine for him, muggle lessons in the morning and basic magic theory from her beginners’ books in the afternoon. From time to time, she would allow him to borrow her wand and practice charms and defence against the Dark Arts. It was sometimes a little lonely as Mother did her daily tasks while Severus taught himself from books, but it was worth the time they spent together during practice.

Moreover, on Mother’s good days, he was allowed to brew and experiment with potions. Mother had forbidden him to study her potions books as she still used those regularly and did not want to risk him damaging them. Instead, she had given him a book about testing herbs and ingredients to determine their properties and how they would react with each other. On brewing days, she would tell him what the potion of the day should do and leave him to figure out a workable recipe: which ingredients he should use, in which order, how he should stir and many other details which made the difference between success and failure.  
When he had his own recipe written, after looking it over, she would place protective wards around him and allow him to brew it.  
It was hard. He sometimes needed several sessions to complete a recipe. It was great. He loved it. His potions were always perfect. 

On Mother’s bad days, Severus did not have lessons but went to the park and played on the swings the farthest away from the other kids. Those kids knew each other, went to school together and neither needed nor wanted an interloper in their ranks. Severus sometimes felt a pang of longing watching them play together but the thought of all the  M agic he was learning instead was usually enough to make it pass.  
Severus had learnt young to repress his accidental magic in order not to provoke his father's wrath and earn a verbal lashing or a clout round the ear. More often than not, as long as he behaved himself and did not mention  M agic,  his father ignored him. As he worked long hours at the factory, Severus only needed to be careful in the evenings, when he usually already was in his room, and  during the weekends. His parents still argued a lot, but he now managed to use his accidental magic to make his room soundproof when he needed it. Severus was not sure you could still call it accidental magic as he did it with conscious intent, but as long as it worked, he figured he could wait for Hogwarts to pursue the matter. He did not understand why he had to be eleven to leave his parents to study Magic at Hogwarts, the school  where Mother had been taught Magic and the best magic school in the world, but as long as he got to go, he figured he could wait for a few more years.

All in all, Severus was content.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


When he was nine, Severus met a red-haired vision of sunshine with laughing green eyes. He spectacularly botched up their first meeting by calling her a Witch. Muggleborn that she was, she took the word as an insult, supported by her elder sister who did not want a street urchin to approach her precious little sister. Severus’ clothes might not be as expensive as theirs, but he was offended that the muggle girl believed he lived in the street and promptly made a branch fall on her head. This did not endear him to his sunshine, but Severus was tenacious.  
He retreated to better plan his next approach and avoid the annoying elder sister’s presence. He observed they always went to the same place in the park, near the swings because the redhead girl  — Lily as her sister called her — loved to use Magic to make the swings take her higher and higher until she jumped and flew down gently back to the ground. Her sister always scolded her, saying she should be more cautious not to be seen. Severus reluctantly agreed, though he would never have discovered his sunshine if she had.  
He noticed that on Tuesdays, the older sister — Pet, and what kind of name was that? — often met friends at the park who distracted her from her little sister. He took advantage of her distraction one Tuesday to approach Lily once more. This time, he first made a leaf float slowly around him as he walked toward her. Her excitement when she understood he was doing Magic like  she could was contagious. Soon, they were the best friends in the world and met everyday after Lily had finished her school-day. Her sister was not happy but Severus quickly learnt no one could resist the combination of Lily’s pleading eyes followed by her bright smile when you caved in and agreed to her demands.

The day Severus became friends with Lily was also the day Father was fired from the factory, along with many others. Devoid of both his job and his perfect dream family, his father began drinking heavily, losing himself into alcohol a bit more everyday.

Mother had to resort to brewing and selling potions in order to make ends meet. Father had sneered at the idea she would be able to bring money in with her disgusting mixtures but been all too happy to take his share and drink it away at the pub with his fired friends when money came in.  
His father  had  forbade her to use owls for potions orders and deliveries, as their continued presence would raise the neighbours’ suspicion. Instead, Mother had gone to Diagon Alley to open a magical mailbox: she had a box at home, another in one of Diagon Alley shops. Customers put their orders in the Diagon Alley box. They appeared in their house one, Mother brewed the potions needed, put the customer name on them and then put them in the house box. The potions vials appeared in the Diagon Alley box where customers could take them from the box in exchange  for their cost. The galleons deposited in the box were converted into pounds automatically before appearing in their home box. It worked quite well but Severus wondered if the magic used for the transfer impacted the potions potency and was determined to research it when he had more sources available.  
Nevertheless, it was a high point for Severus because his mother allowed him more time to brew so that he would  make the simplest potions and they would  earn more money. It meant cutting on his study time but Mother estimated he was already ahead of his years in both his muggle and magical studies, with the exception of transfiguration, so it would not cause him any harm.  
Living in a muggle area with no contact with the wizarding world made finding some ingredients difficult. Mother usually owl-ordered them, but in the quantities needed for her new business, it was expensive. So Severus experimented with muggle herbs and plants that they either found in abundance in the woods near home or could buy for a cheap price. He carefully tested them as he had done so often with wizarding potions ingredients before, following the instructions from his well-worn book that he now knew by heart. There were many failures, but it was worth their few great successes and Severus learned a lot from it. Thanks to all their hard work, they were able to put together a rather extensive potion catalogue considering they were not apothecaries, ranging from simple healing balms to cleaning potions with hangover potions in between.  
They managed enough profit from their potions to pay for everyday fare and to put some away for  Severus' first year at Hogwarts, as Mother had always been adamant that her son was powerful enough to receive a letter. The reason they did so well money wise was also because one galleon was worth five muggle pounds. In this case, living in the muggle world was a distinctive advantage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When  Severus was ten, Mother introduced him to the Dark Arts. She told him her family, the Prince family, had always been fascinated by this subject as it was complex, difficult, powerful and mastered by few. She could tell that Severus, with his already keen intellect and insatiable thirst  for knowledge and experiment, would be drawn to it and she wanted him to have proper foundations, before people could present him with a skewed view of the subject. Mother  n ever talked about her family except during her shouting matches with Father. She sometimes told him that he should not treat her like this when she was from the noble house of Prince, but he always laughed, saying he doubted that her so "noble" family had recovered from her eloping with a mere muggle, who was not even rich, instead of marrying the scion of another noble family as had been arranged by her father. When Mother had  mentioned her family, Severus had known  this lesson would require all his focus and attention.

That day, she made sure Father would not disturb them by dosing him with a sleeping potion, something she only dared in emergencies. Then she sat with Severus, impressing even more upon him the seriousness of the matter, and explained the four rules you should always bear in mind before using the Dark Arts.

1-There is always a price to pay when one uses the Dark Arts.  
2-The price is always a sacrifice, either from the user or an external source.  
3-The extensive use of an external source as a sacrifice taints the very soul of the user and can lead to the corruption of his magical core. In extreme cases, it can twist the soul of the user to the point that he is no longer human, meaning no longer able to feel and react like a human being.  
4-The result of the Dark Arts always depends on the intent of the user. Always focus on the result you want to achieve when using the Dark Arts. Be careful of mixed feelings you may harbour for a subject when using the Dark Arts on him.

Mother also explained that you should learn about the Dark Arts to be able to protect yourself from them. Indeed, without knowing their functioning, you would not be able to create adequate protections. She then warned him that many uses of the Dark Arts were forbidden by the ministry even if it could save lives because the Dark Arts always had two sides: one that saved, one that corrupted or killed.  
A new world opened to Severus and he diligently learnt as much as he could under Mother’s watch. 

Despite his busy schedule, Severus still made plenty of time for his best friend. Since the day they became friends, he met Lily at the park every day after her classes, where they played and talked together. He told her about the magical world as best as he could, having never been there himself—Mother had always refused to take him with her the few times she had had to go. She knew his mother taught him Magic but between her muggle school and her family, he never was able to teach her more than writing with a quill and a few basics in Potion and Herbology. As such, when she returned from her day in Diagon Alley where, being a Muggleborn, a professor had brought her to buy her school supplies at the beginning of the summer before Hogwarts, Lily devoured her books and then spent their time together pestering him with questions.

Severus and his mother had gone to Diagon Alley too. Except for the potion book, they did not buy any school books as Severus would take Mother’s. Instead, Mother bought him a history book — not  _ Hogwarts: A History _ as it was way too romanticized — that she told him to read in history class as the ghost professor was useless and the book was comprehensive enough to  last him until his OWLs.  
They bought school robes at Madam Malkin's then made an extended stay at the apothecary. They of course bought potions ingredients but also seized the occasion to observe the potions they proposed as well as their prices to later compare with their own catalogue. Finally, they went to get Severus' wand, which took far longer than he would have thought.

Garrick Ollivander was "The wandmaker" in vogue. His family had been making wands successfully for generations before he took the reins of the business and became known as one of the best wandmakers in the world. Ollivander did a lot of research on wands before taking on after his father's trade. He came to the conclusion that the core of the wands that gave the best results to  W izards were for ninety-five per cent made of either phoenix feather, dragon ventricle or unicorn tail hair, and decided to only use these elements to manufacture the Ollivander's wa nds. It was a success and soon enough, his wands were renowned to bring out the best from any Wizard.  
But Mother shook her head when they passed the shop and told him they would be going to the very best wandmaker, the same her father had led her to when it was time to get her own wand. She explained that it would take more time, probably be more expensive, but that if Severus gave his all, as she was sure he would because he was half a Prince after all,  he would get the wand that suited him the best.

Puzzled, Severus followed her to the edge of Diagon Alley where she took his hand, told him firmly to remain near her, and went into Knockturn Alley. They walked for what seemed like hours to Severus in shady narrow streets, passing strange and threatening looking persons. They finally arrived at the end of Knockturn Alley and went on into the woods that bordered it. More and more intrigued, Severus let out a sigh of relief when they soon came to a hut which had "Wandmaker" engraved across its door.  
Mother knocked then entered, ushering Severus behind her. In front of them was a wooden desk with a wrinkled man behind. Not saying a word, he got up and made a gesture toward Severus. Unsure, he looked at his mother who pushed him gently toward the man so Severus followed him to a backroom which contained rows and rows of ingredients, some Severus could not identify, others he could not even guess about.

"Go through the rows and stop each time you feel a pull," gruffly said the man.

Severus did as he was told, walking through all the rows, focusing on sensing an eventual pull. When he finished, he had stopped only three times, in front of empty cases that the man had retrieved and put on a wood table.

"Now stand in front of the table, close your eyes and walk toward the stronger pull".

Severus once again did as told. Closing his eyes, he tried to empty his mind to only feel the pulls. At first, he thought it was a little stronger in the middle, but as he waited to be sure, he felt more and more attracted to the left and finally ended in front of the left side of the table.

"Good, you took your time , " said the man with slight approval.

Looking in the left case, Severus saw it was still empty and wondered what the heck was going on and why  Mother had taken him here instead of going to Ollivander. Still, he knew she must have good reasons, as with the Dark Arts, so he waited as patiently as he could and refrained from any comment.

"Now come."

The man led him through another backdoor which, to his surprise, opened on the woods. Severus saw different  kinds of trees in front of him, the same trees seemingly grouped together.

"Close your eyes again and walk toward the pull."

This time it was easier, Severus sensed an immediate pull and walked until he was in front of it. Opening his eyes, he saw he was facing several ash trees, and from what he could see, more ash trees were behind them. The man came next to him and made a sign to follow him. They walked among the ash trees for a long time until the man suddenly stopped. He approached a tree and waited, without doing anything as far as Severus could see, but when he finally came back, he had a piece of  light brown wood in his hand. They came back to the hut and went to another different room — the man’s workshop from what Severus surmised — where the wandmaker put the piece of wood next to the empty case. Then they went back to the room where Mother was waiting.

"You might want to go to Ollivander's for the boy's wand."

Mother raised an eyebrow, silently conveying her surprise and encouraging him to explain himself.

"It's a difficult wand that chose him, and he  hasn’ t even poured his Magic into it yet. It’s already obvious he will need time to grow into it, years, and he might never uncover his complete potential. It would be easier with one of Ollivander's, and he would be assured to develop at least some parts of his powers."

“I don’t understand , ”  stated Mother. “My family has always used your wands and we have never been disappointed. My son will not be an exception.”

"He chose Ash tree and Thestral tail hair , "  replied the wandmaker, as if it explained his words.

At least, it explained the empty case. Thestrals were only visible to those having witnessed a death. It was the same for their body parts, even unattached to their body. Severus had never seen someone die — he spared a thought for the wandmaker who obviously had — so the cases had not been empty, he just had not been able to see their content.

"I see,"  s he  said ,  pausing for a few seconds. "Make the wand. I have every confidence in him."

"He is your son , " s hrugged the wandmaker.

"Indeed he is . " 

She sounded proud, thought Severus. It was the first time she had sounded like this in front of a stranger and he felt warm all over.

“Follow me , ”  ordered the wandmaker, looking at Severus briefly then going back to his workshop, not even checking Severus was following.

"Sit," said the man tersely. 

Severus found a stool in a corner and did so, while the man began to work. Severus observed as much as he could but the truth was he did not understand what he was seeing and how it related to the creation of a wand. Soon his mind grew bored and wandered to his potions experiments.

"Come here!"

Severus nearly fell from his stool at the order but quickly went to the man.

"Now focus on the wand, try to push your magic toward it without actually doing anything like exploding my shop."

Severus swallowed, then recalling the feeling of using his magic to muffle his  parents' arguments, h e tried to push it into the wand. After what seemed like hours but was only seconds, the man told him to stop. Swe a t glistened on  the Wandmaker's forehead but he had Severus’ wand in his h an d. Wordlessly, he handed  it to Severus who barely refrained from tearing it away from  the man’s hand. Instead, he accepted the wand with a quiet thank you. They went back to the first room where Mother was waiting for them.

“It is as I thought ,” said the man . “ R emember that you chose this path for him.”

Mother nodded and paid fifteen galleons, an astronomical amount to Severus, then they went back home. She refused to explain the Wandmaker's odd comments but bought him an old looking book on wand lore after having riffled through it.

Once home, he did not lose anytime going through the wand lore book to find more about his wand and was left perplexed. Here is what the book said about the two materials of his wand:

_ Ash: The ash wand clings to its one true master and ought not to be passed on or gifted from the original owner, because it will lose power and skill. Those witches and wizards best suited to ash wands are not lightly swayed from their beliefs or purposes. However, the brash or over-confident witch or wizard, who often insists on trying wands of this prestigious wood, will be disappointed by its effects. The ideal owner may be stubborn, and will certainly be courageous, but never crass or arrogant. _

_ Thestral tail hair: Thestral tail hair is a powerful but tricky substance that can only be mastered by a witch or wizard capable of facing death. _

Severus was disconcerted as both the wood and the core of his wand were suited to a brave wizard, something he was certain he was not. No way he would ever be a hero, it was far too hazardous for one's health and really, in all the books he had read, the hero was not as brave as he was foolish and reckless, something Severus was definitely not. Still, he liked the idea of his wand being loyal to him.  
He read that a dimension of 12 inch was a little more than the norm and sometimes said to be a sign of power but experts disagreed on this. The flexible part was easy as Severus had learned to adapt himself to his parents’ mood in order to avoid any disagreement. He was not sure about the solid part as it was not mentioned in the book.  
All in all, while Severus’ wand did not look like the best match for him, the Wandmaker’s words remained unexplained. He fretted several days because of it then shoved it away to focus on potions and Lily. About two weeks before the beginning of school, an owl delivered him an unsigned letter.

 _Your wand can make you one of the best or it can let you be one of the more pathetic if you do not master it._  
_It is a wand to be grown into as it takes time to bond with the ash. The ash chose you because of your potential_ _but the bond between you will need time to grow and you_ _will have to_ _nurture it. Once the bond is strong, your control of your power should be perfect.  
__It is a wand to be grown into as you will need to prove your valour to tame the Thestral tail hair. It will be hard but remember valour can come in many forms. However, I am sad to say you will need to face death to be able to fully master it. Then it will allow you to use your maximal power._

_ It might never come to be but you have great potential. _

_ PS: Once the ash has bounded with you, it will be near impossible for you to choose another wand without this one being broken. If you shall be the one to break it, you will never be able to use another wand without getting only feeble results. _

The letter left Severus even more bereft. He had no intention of facing an Avada Kedavra any time soon so mastering the full powers of his wand looked highly improbable. He also had no idea how to nurture a bond with it but knew there was no way Mother would buy him another wand. After a sleepless night, Severus decided he could do nothing about it and to wait and see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the day. Severus and Lily were in a train compartment, waving to her family and his mother.

The summer had flown by between Lily and  M other.  M other had stopped their daily lessons, stating that he was more than ready enough for Hogwarts and would learn all he wanted there. She only kept on with their lessons on the Dark Arts as she wanted to make sure the school would not undo all her efforts. They still brewed potions, his mother following her recipes, Severus using or creating hi s own.  It still left lots of time for Severus to spend with Lily and with the k nowledge of Hogwarts approaching, it was easily the best time of his life.

Sighing happily, Severus sat himself comfortably in his seat against  his best friend . They had made plans this summer. They would go to Ravenclaw because it was the only house they both felt comfortable with. According to his mother and  _ Hogwarts: A History _ — Lily's copy, the teacher accompanying her had insisted she bought one — , your house was your family in Hogwarts. There was Hufflepuff, for the friendly and the hard workers. They both agreed that if Severus was a hard worker, he was not the friendliest  person so they ruled it out. Gryffindor was for the brave and if Lily would def initely fit in there with her fierce temper and her love for risks, Severus was a more cautious kind and really did not see the point of defending people you did not know. Slytherin was for the ambitious and the cunning, it was a perfect fit for Severus but Lily, who wore her feelings on her face, was a no go. So, it had to be Ravenclaw, they both loved knowledge and they would be together so it was the perfect house.

His daydream was interrupted by the arrival of two loud boys. The one with glasses asked Lily if they could  sit with such a beautiful lady, the other one adding they would gladly save her from the boy who sat next to her with such an ugly face. Severus scowled but had no time for a well-deserved cutting retort as Lily threw them out while unleashing her temper on them. 

Remarking how rude they were, hoping that not all  W izards were like them, and assuring Severus he was not ugly — that was nice of Lily to say even if Severus had heard it often enough in his parents mouths to know otherwise — they settled back to talk and wait for Hogwarts.


	2. Arc I - Hogwarts - Slytherin's rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter betaed by Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus sat on the floor of his private lab, his safe haven in Hogwarts, arms wrapped around his knees, a few tears slowly dripping down his face. He wiped them angrily. Even his Occlumency was failing him, not allowing him to push his despair back into a tiny corner of his mind to be dealt with later.

He laughed humourlessly.

Occlumency had not prevented him from calling Lily _that word_ _._ It had not prevented him from making a fool of himself, waiting outside the Gryffindor entrance for hours in the hope she would come out and talk to him. Even after he had pleaded and begged her to forgive him, she had refused, stating their friendship was over. She had told him they had been growing apart anyway, him with his nasty friends who insulted her, her with her perfect little friends who despised Severus…

It was well past curfew but Severus refused to go back to his dormitory. He could not show up there with traces of tears on his face. They would not accept he was so devastated because of her.

Breathing deeply, Severus focused on occluding, trying to reach for the calmness which eluded him.

He had begun teaching himself Occlumency when he realised the headmaster could see into minds.

Severus had once felt headmaster Dumbledore in his mind after a fight with the Marauders in their fourth year. Not really understanding what had happened back then, he had as always turned to books to help him. He had quickly figured out that Dumbledore had used Legilimency on him and that to protect your mind from Legilimency, you needed to use Occlumency.

The first step in learning Occlumency was to structure your mind. To shape it into a safe place. It required you to face your inner mind without lying to yourself if you did not want an unstable and incomplete structure.

Once your “safe place” was properly constructed, the second step was to build protections upon it. Severus had discovered Occlumency was a powerful tool. It could protect your mind against foreign intrusions, but it could also protect it from mind altering spells. Indeed, as the representation of your mind, your safe place was also the place where you organised your memories, where you could access them voluntarily and where you could prevent spells from altering them if you were an adept Occlumens.

As Severus had quickly realised, learning Occlumency meant spending time inside your mind and being honest with yourself. For this reason, all his books recommended that your safe place be a real place where you felt safe and peaceful.

It was no surprise that Severus’ mind was his private potion laboratory in Hogwarts. The one privilege Slughorn had granted him starting from third year. He had chosen it for two reasons:

First, this laboratory was the place he felt the safest from everything. The only other place which represented such peace was his and Lily's place in the park where they had spent so much time before Hogwarts. Their friendship had had its rocky moments but she remained his ray of sunshine, and he had almost chosen it as his safe place. In the end, he had decided his mind should be a place of his own, not shared with anyone as that was precisely what he wanted to protect himself from. He had also feared any evolution in his relationship with Lily would affect his safe place and impede his learning.

He snorted softly. Seemed he had been right to be cautious, as always.

The second reason Severus had chosen the lab was that anyone having even only heard of him knew he loved potions. Even if they managed to get past his defences to enter his inner mind, they would not be surprised to see him brew in his potions lab. They would be unsure if they were really in his mind or in one of his memories which could give him the advantage needed to throw them out of his mind.

As it was, his potion lab was a very practical place to defend his mind. He now was good enough to have the fumes of the potions brewing constantly protecting his mind, hiding his very thoughts behind a slight fog he could thicken if needed. The flames under the cauldrons could grow and attack an intruder, the potions ingredients could morph into hideous defences. As a last resort or if taken by surprise, a large pewter cauldron would hit and eject any intruder from Severus' mind.

Severus was still working on other defences, especially on the subtle one consisting in projecting false feelings and memories without a legilimens being able to detect it. Still, in little more than a year, he felt he had made good progress—he now was good enough to prevent Dumbledore from entering his mind, as he had proven after the bittersweet “Shrieking Shack” experience earlier this year.

Severus had also discovered that Occlumency was more than just a defence against others. It helped with feelings, allowing him to reign his temper in and think with a cool head instead—that was something he still had some difficulties achieving as today's disastrous afternoon could attest.

Severus squeezed his eyes tightly, hands gripping his knees forcefully as he felt his anger and frustration rise along his sadness and disappointment. Why was he never enough? Why had Lily written off eight years of friendship because of a single word?

Severus felt his breathing slow as a plan began to form in his head. Occlumency helped to push back feelings so they did not affect your judgement, but it could do even more. Using Occlumency, Severus could review memories in his head while distancing himself from them. He should review his entire afternoon. Find out what had rattled Lily so deeply she had deemed it necessary to cut him out of her life.

Breathing more and more deeply, finally quieting now that his mind was focused on a goal, Severus went to his safe place.

Standing in his familiar lab, Severus found himself breathing more easily. Unburdened by his body’s response to his distress, tears and heavy stomach a distant sensation, it was easier to shelter himself from his feelings. Easier to be rational and think. Why had he called Lily a “Mudblood” when he almost never used the word? Why had she ended their friendship of many years because of one word said in a moment of anger and humiliation? Lily, who was always so quick to believe in second chances, always ready to see the half-full glass… Why had she let him down without a second thought?

They had both changed since they had begun attending Hogwarts. The changes wrought to the wizarding world during this period had not spared Hogwarts. But could this explain the abrupt end of their friendship?

He needed facts. He needed… to review their years together. To see what he had missed.

Severus walked past the ingredients shelves to the potions shelves. He pressed on one vial and the shelf slid, allowing him to enter a storage room full of potions vials, each representing one memory. Thinking about where he wanted to begin, he let his feet guide him to his first year's shelf. One vial shot up in front of him. He opened it slowly and poured out the silver thread of a memory.

It was the beginning of his first year, Lily was walking to the Gryffindor tables. Severus remembered how it had hurt, knowing he could never get sorted in this house even if his life had depended on it. He watched with a sneer as Potter joined her. At the time, he had not cared but now…

His turn came, and his small younger self disappeared under the talking hat.

"Ah, you're the one the little Evans girl wanted so much to be with, even if it meant not going to the house which would help her reach her full potential."

"She really tried to follow the plan?” asked young Severus, not even surprised that a hat was talking in his head, so relieved he was that Lily had not let him down the moment she was in the magical world.

The hat chuckled.

"Indeed she tried, a fierce temper this one! But you are the one in need of a sorting right now. Let me see. Well, it seems you already know where you're going to be. I'm afraid I can't let you go to Ravenclaw, they would not survive your tongue coupled with your brilliance. Yes, you can only go to..."

“ Slytherin!” the hat bellowed.

Severus watched as his smaller self walked to his house table under a thunder of applause. He frowned as he realised that during his first year, every firstie had had the same amount of congratulatory acclamations. On the contrary, at the beginning of his fifth year, the Slytherins had only received their House applause as well as a few from Ravenclaw. Gryffindors had received congratulations from every House except Slytherin. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had received applause from all the Houses, but nothing as loud and enthusiastic as in his first year. It was only the tip of the iceberg but so revealing of the changes and the fracture the school—and the wizarding world—had gone through in mere five years.

His younger self was tentatively talking with Evan and Jonathan.

He smiled, seeing his friends so young and unguarded. They had been fast friends, even if they did not become close until later, as befit a Slytherin worth his salt. At first, they were drawn together because of their table seating on the sorting night, because they shared a dorm and because they stuck a deal after their first week: Evan Rosier and Jonathan Wilkes, who were both Purebloods and had grown up living in the wizarding world, agreed to teach Severus about wizard politics and pureblood families in exchange of Severus helping them with potions.

The memory changed.

His young self was walking Hogwarts' grounds with Lily, slowly making their way towards Hagrid's hut. Lily had been impressed with Hagrid when he had led them in the boats the night of their sorting and had decided to try and become friends with him. Young Severus had followed reluctantly, the man was huge and did not look quite tame.

Severus smiled sadly. They had not visited Hagrid since fourth year and only because of Lily's insistence. The man had not seemed sure of how to approach Severus since third year and the incident.

The friendship between Lily and him had surprised people because it was a rare occurrence to see a pair of Gryffindor-Slytherin friends. You could find some in larger groups that included Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs, but rarely only the two houses. Still, nobody had frowned upon it and Lily and he had happily studied together, with some of their friends sometimes joining them.

That was not to say Lily and he and Lily had not been watched the first month, mostly because of concerned parties for his safety if you could believe it. Remembering his first night in Slytherin, Severus let the memory unfold in his mind.

Lucius Malfoy, the then-seventh year Slytherin prefect, had led the first years into the common room after the feast. Most of them were tired after their busy day but it was Slytherin tradition to welcome and warn its newest additions on their first night.

Lucius ordered them to sit but not too comfortably as they needed to stay awake.

"Welcome to the Noble House of Slytherin!” began Lucius. “We will be your family for the next seven years. Our Head of House is Professor Horace Slughorn, the potions professor."

Lucius paused, making sure the eleven year olds were all paying attention.

"First, let me tell you about Salazar Slytherin, our founder. His story will help you understand the rules I will tell you afterwards."

Severus smiled. Lucius was a very good orator as well as a compelling storyteller. Combined with the majestic surroundings of the common room and its intimate lighting, the first years were hanging onto his every word.

"Salazar Slytherin was one of the four founders of Hogwarts with Godric Gryffindor, Helena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff. He had masteries in Potions, Arithmancy and the Dark Arts, as well as in the Healing Arts. He was one of the first known parseltongues, meaning he could understand and talk to snakes. We think it is one of the reasons he chose one as his school crest, as well as appreciating their utility in potions. Contrary to what some say, he did not hate Muggles, but he was wary of them. You must keep in mind that in Slytherin's time, Muggles were not as advanced as Wizards as they had not yet learned to compensate for their lack of magic. As such, their hygiene and medicine were close to non-existent, which led to several great pandemics and millions of deaths. Most of them were also illiterate, superstitious and afraid of magic. For these reasons, Salazar advocated against contacts between Muggles and Wizards. He became more insistent on this subject when several years after the creation of our school, Muggles began burning those they suspected of witchery, as they called it. Many Muggleborns died in these times, often murdered by their own family at their first accidental magic because they were believed to have been cursed by the Devil. Slytherin's own wife was murdered by Muggles who had seen her heal a child with magic. After her death, Salazar asked for Muggleborns to be taken from their family and adopted by a magical family as soon as their names appeared in Hogwarts' registering book."

Lucius paused.

"As some of you may not be aware, Hogwarts' registering book was created by Helena Ravenclaw. The name of every British magical child appears in it when his magic first becomes active. The year of his eleventh birthday, his name is transferred to the inscription book if he is deemed powerful enough. Hogwarts is the only English school for those with a powerful magical core. Several other smaller schools exist for those who would exhaust their magical core after only a few spells. These schools teach mostly magical theory as well as how to limit the strain on their students’ magical core when they cast a spell."

Severus remembered being surprised about this information, but in retrospect he should have guessed Hogwarts could not be the only magical school in England. However, it disturbed him to think one could have less magic than Crabb and Goyle, two of Lucius' associates that had barely graduated from Hogwarts. But weak in power did not mean as stupid as these two were. In Severus' third year, a new broom called the Comet 31 had come out. It was a big commercial success and he had learned from Jonathan that it had been conceived by one of these smaller schools’ alumni.

He had not had much time to think about the other schools that night as Lucius had captivated him with the story of Salazar Slytherin. The founder of his House who had understood why Muggles could not be trusted with magical children.

Lucius exaggerated a sigh.

"Sadly, none of the others agreed with Salazar. Godric Gryffindor, in particular, was firmly against his proposal because he believed family was sacred. Slytherin and Gryffindor had been friends since their youth despite numerous differences in opinion, but this time it was too much for Salazar. They had a big row. Some even say they fought each other with magic over the Muggleborns' situation. In the end, Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff sided with Gryffindor and Salazar retired to his home, abandoning the school he had co-created."

Lucius paused and let his eyes roam over the attentive first years, stopping on a few of them including young Severus.

Severus now knew Lucius had been making the count of the non-Purebloods among the first years and gauging their reactions to his tale.

"Now, Slytherin did not completely abandon his little snakes who needed his guidance more than ever. He gave them rules to protect them, rules which have endured until today."

The eleven year olds fretted a little and Lucius gave them a reassuring smile.

"One, we are a family. As such, we stand united in front of adversity no matter the dissensions that may exist inside the family. It means we keep our problems with each other inside the common room. It means we help each other when attacked by strangers."

Young Severus had loved that rule. He had thought this one rule was worth being separated from Lily.

Severus shook his head to himself. He had been naive at the time, thinking every Slytherin would rally to help him if he ever was in a fight. The reality was more pragmatic. Slytherins did not attack each other outside their common room and they exchanged information on Gryffindors’ next prank for favours. However, other than Evan and Jonathan, they did not actively act to protect Severus from the Marauders. Slytherins had decided they were Severus’ problem and that if he was not good enough to take care of them, he did not deserve his slytherin colours. Taking care of them included using favours to enrol other Slytherins’ help, but Severus had no love for the favours’ game when it went beyond academic support. The bigger favour you ask for, the bigger you had to give back in return.

Still, in his opinion, that rule was better than what the other Houses had.

"Two, be wary of Muggles. I know a few of you are Muggleborns, or even Half-bloods. Knowing what happened to some of my ancestors as well as to several Muggleborns in the upper years, I encourage you to be careful when you go back home. Some muggle parents have been known to react badly to talks of ghosts and moving stairs.”

Lucius let his words sink in before speaking again.

"I also advise you to keep in mind that your family may love you enough to accept you despite your magic but might not be as tolerant with your wizard friends."

This second rule had cemented young Severus’ faith into his House.He knew far too well to avoid his father as much as he could. And while Lily's family loved her and was very proud of her magic, they had not been so welcoming of Severus and remained cautiously polite with him. Of course, it might have more to do with his social standing than with him being a Wizard.

Severus shook his head to himself. How could Lily be so blind and not see how much Slytherin House cared for its students? Far more than the Headmaster did.

He remembered how hopeful he had been when during one of their later lessons, Evan explained to him that the wizarding world was very harsh on child abusers because most families only managed to bear one or two children. Child murderers and abusers of children received the most severe penalty existing in the wizarding world, meaning the kiss of a Dementor that left their body bereft of their soul, to slowly rot away. It was said the Dementors tortured the souls they absorbed until their own death. No one knew how to kill a Dementor, and no one knew how long they lived, apart from the fact that the ministry replaced only a few of them every ten years as one day they disappeared without a trace. No one knew for sure their disappearance really meant their death so it promised to be an almost eternal torment. Severus was not sure he liked the idea of eternal torment as punishment but he had to admit it was an efficient deterrent for those who were tempted. In addition, any wizard witnessing a child being abused or worse was allowed to use any means, even Unforgivables, to apprehend the perpetrator. Each unforgivable violated a person in a way, the Imperius Curse which controlled the person it was used on, the Cruciatus Curse or Crucio which made you feel excruciating pain worse than anything possible, and the Avada Kedavra Curse that killed painlessly without leaving a trace. Yes, young Severus had quickly realised Wizards protected their children fiercely. Unfortunately, it did not apply to muggle parents who depended on the muggle law. Severus had asked Evan about Half-bloods and been disappointed. Those living in a wizarding area depended on the wizarding law, those living among Muggles depended on the muggle law.

I am always so lucky, thought Severus wryly.

"Three”, said Lucius, “you will always conduct yourself with the proper decorum of a well-born wizard. Those who did not understand what the previous words entailed must find someone to teach them how to behave."

Severus smiled. That rule had forced him to ask Evan for help. He had waited a week to see which of his peers seemed both the more knowledgeable and the less likely to refuse his request. He had been self-conscious, having never asked for help before, and almost turned tail to search for a book on proper wizard behaviour. Thankfully Evan had not let him run away and had taken advantage of his poor attempt to propose him a deal: lessons on wizard behaviour and politics against Potions tutoring. Evan had been the one to add Jonathan to the deal, and none of them had regretted it. Severus was very grateful for this rule as he had learned a lot—he sometimes ranted silently against Mother for not having taught him the importance of etiquette and relationships between Wizards that was essential to his survival and ascension in this world—but also because of the two friends he had made thanks to it.

"Finally, the fourth rule. The first, second and third years are not to be involved in political games and alliances. If an older year tries to, you must go to a prefect immediately."

This rule had not made sense to Severus at the time. Now he knew it was Slytherin’s way of protecting its children until they had enough grasp of politics to defend themselves.

Severus smiled as the scene faded on his younger self valiantly fighting a yawn, another memory immediately taking its place.

Eleven year old Severus was scrupulously if doubtfully following his Potions book’s recipe during his first Potions lesson. It was really weird and uncomfortable for him who had always built his potion recipes from scratch. What was more infuriating was that he was certain this recipe could be greatly improved by tweaking a few instructions here and there. Even more maddening, he knew with deep certainty that his recipe from home with different ingredients would work even better and take less time to brew. But he had decided to try a common recipe once to see how it would turn out, and he was sticking to his decision even if it was painful.

In the end, Slughorn claimed that his potion was perfect, as well as Lily's, but Severus was determined to never again follow anyone else's recipe without studying it and improving it beforehand. Indeed, the simple burn-healing salve they had made was slightly off-colour compared to the one he regularly made at home and he knew his own was the right one, even if the professor was too colour-blind or losing his eyesight to realise it.

From then on, Severus either took his home recipe if he had already brewed the potion or created a new one before comparing it with the Potions book. He sometimes had to make adjustments because his own recipe used ingredients that were not in the textbook and Slughorn would certainly not allow him to use them. He did manage some improvements by switching the orders the ingredients were added in, putting a different quantity of ingredients than instructed or simply stirring clockwise instead of anticlockwise.

Slughorn never noticed and Severus made a game with Lily to see which recipe would take the least time to make and obtain the better potion. Severus always got top marks but so did Lily who was clearly Slughorn's favourite student. It did not matter to the younger Severus as long as his grade was Outstanding. Potions were the subject he loved, but he also was among the top students for every subject except Transfiguration.

Severus smiled, remembering the first time Lucius had graciously taken the time to tutor him after several failed sessions from Jonathan.

It was about two months into the year, and eleven year old Severus was desperately trying to practice turning his matchstick into a needle. Severus was behind all his classmates in Transfiguration, on the verge of failing. His class practicals were disastrous; his essays barely got A's. Transfiguration had already been his hardest subject back home. The Princes were notorious for not excelling in Transfiguration and Mother was no exception. She had barely passed her OWL. From his experiences these past months, Severus had definitely inherited the Princes’ difficulties with the subject.

Severus watched Lucius observe his younger self from his armchair. After several minutes, Lucius got up and approached the table where a forlorn Severus was reading his book instructions for the umpteenth time.

"Having some difficulty?"

First year Severus flinched a little, berating himself for not having heard the prefect coming. He looked up to the older student to see a genuinely interested look. He had not been aware at the time that his unusual way of preparing for Potions classes and its results had been noticed and given him a reputation among his year which had reached Lucius' ears. The prefect had been curious to see what an alleged genius could struggle with.

Seeing his last chance to potentially avoid a disaster and finally manage what all his classmates had for several weeks, Severus began talking rapidly and desperately.

"Well, I can't seem to make sense of the transfiguration instructions to change this stick into a needle. The best I have ever managed is a grey stick. It's just that... I don't understand how those rules make the stick into a needle, and I never manage what I don't understand. Already at home, I only made it through Mother's basic books and I never had the chance to practice and even then I don’t think I understood everything. And… I don’t want to use too much magic and exhaust my core, but there are so many variables to take into account to calculate the amount of magic necessary to make one transfiguration work and I don’t think all of them are in our book… Plus how do I make sure that when I cast my transfiguration spell, it will go the way my equation described it, and not another one which would require more magic than I can give?"

Severus stopped, miserably looking at the older student with almost pleading eyes.

It was such a pitiful sight Lucius seated himself.

"Come on, tell me exactly what you do not understand."

They spent two hours together. To Lucius’ amazement, he had to go as far as fourth year theory to answer Severus’ questions. The root of the problem was, as Severus had said, that he could not do something he did not understand. That was a handicap in a matter as complex as Transfiguration where the fundamental rules were introduced progressively during the seven years curriculum, simplified in the first years then with added subtleties from fourth to seventh year.

Severus just asked too many questions that could not be answered with the simplified version. Adding to this the fact that he had never seen something transfigured before coming to Hogwarts, unconsciously making it more difficult for him to believe it was possible; that he was all too aware of the risks and consequences of improperly casting a transfiguration spell by using too much magic; and that he was as far from a natural as possible, it was no wonder Severus struggled.

Naturals had an affinity for their subject. Unconsciously, they sensed the magic that came into play during the transformation and knew when it was working as it should, and when it was not. Lucius had tried to make parallels between Potions and Transfiguration and discovered with amazement that Severus was not only gifted at Potions but a natural at it.

"When you transfigure something, you need to recall the rules that apply to what you want to achieve in order to guide your magic along the transfiguration process and not try to force it to do something it cannot. It is in part the same as with potions. You know the reactions between ingredients and from it you deduce their order and your stirring to guide your potion into completion," said Lucius to his attentive pupil.

Young Severus frowned.

"But in potion making, if you are attentive enough, you usually sense when you need to stop stirring. And before adding an ingredient, you hold it above your cauldron to sense if it will unbalance the potion."

Lucius gaped at him.

"Severus, the vast majority of people do not sense this, they only follow potions recipes and rules. While your magic must guide the process of transfiguration, it becomes instinctual once you have mastered the concept. It means once you have managed to transform a matchstick into a needle enough times, you do not need to consciously guide your magic anymore because it remembers the path it should take. On the contrary, most Wizards do not sense their magic work in potions, it remains unconscious and they only rely on the established rules. I know it is very difficult to awaken your magical sense of potions, it is taught during Potions apprenticeship but few manage it. It is what makes the difference between the different Potions makers. You might achieve Potions Master grade I if you are already so advanced."

Severus had been surprised and elated. In potion making, you had the Potioneers, working at home like his Mother or owning a shop like Apothecaries, for common potions. Then you had Potions Masters grade III for the more difficult potions. The Potions Masters grade II were mostly researchers that improved known recipes but sometimes brewed difficult potions too. Potions Masters grade I were the ones who truly invented world changing potions. They were rare and according to Lucius, magical sensing of potion was mandatory for grade I and II.

After this revelation, young Severus had with difficulty pushed his joy aside to continue the study session. Lucius had explained that Potter was probably a natural in Transfiguration as Severus had seen him manage any kind of transfiguration on his first try. It meant he did not have to think about guiding his magic as it did what he needed it to do unconsciously. Lucius had told him that their year was very impressive as he had only known two naturals, one in Charms, the other in Herbology, in his seven years at Hogwarts.

As for Severus, it would take a long time and intense study to at least reach his peers level in Transfiguration. Lucius explained that he would have to study transfiguration concepts from fourth year and above to understand the various kinds of transfiguration he would need to learn from first to third years. Indeed, Professor McGonagall introduced simple transfiguration of every possible kind in the first three years. She deepened their understanding of theory in fourth and fifth years, and for those taking the NEWTS, she had them working from the concepts and rules to create their own transfigurations. If Severus was studious, he would have a very hard time getting passing grades the first three years, but should improve impressively in the years above as he would already understand the more complex theory.

Lucius advised him to spend less time on subjects he breezed through and gave him titles of books he could find in the library that would help him. He insisted on the fact that Severus should not discourage himself as his efforts would not show immediately and not be impressive at first. He also told him not to hesitate to solicit him if the books were not enough.

At the end of the session, Severus had thanked his prefect profusely and from then on, Lucius had taken the role of mentor for the young boy, always making time for him when asked. To the delight of Severus, he even spent a few evenings playing chess with Severus or teaching him gobstones on his own initiative.

It was Severus' best year ever. He was among the top students for every subject except, obviously, Transfiguration and he firmly decided to buy more books that Lucius had recommended on the subject during summer to improve. Even more important, he now had three friends and a mentor.

Yes, thought the older Severus bitterly, it had been his best year ever. He had found a home in Hogwarts as well as new friends, and Lily had been by his side as she had promised. He could hardly remember how happy and innocent he had still been, despite his home life.

Leaving the first year shelves, he went to the second year where a vial presented itself, ready to be seen.


	3. Arc I - Hogwarts - Of blood matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Miette and dpstone12 for betaing this chapter and making it so much better!

Severus watched with fondness as in his memory, young Severus brewed with Mother. He had many memories of brewing with her and while it had been a necessity to earn money, it had also been the moments when they were the closest.

his time, they had as many cauldrons as they dared set up in the space they used as the laboratory. During the past year, Mother had not been able to brew as much without Severus here to help her and as she was no master, she could not handle the more profitable but harder to brew potions. Thankfully she had had money on the side from the prior years but she had had to be more careful than ever with her expenses. Her emergency stash had dwindled and now they had to gain enough this summer to last through his second school year.

Severus remembered she had allowed him to brew more complex potions this summer but had reduced the time allotted for his experiments as they could waste neither ingredients nor brewing time. She had not even been sure she could afford the Transfiguration books Lucius had recommended, even second hand, but the problem had resolved itself when Lucius' eagle-owl deposited the books as a late birthday gift from his mentor—his birthday was in April but Lucius had not known it at the time.  
Young Severus had been over the moon when he received the gift. He had feared Lucius would forget all about him after his graduation but the gesture had proven the contrary.

Severus smiled. He and Lucius had kept in touch regularly since then. Lucius offered him rare Potions books or books to help with his studies, Severus gifted Lucius with potions experiments, the only gifts he could afford and be proud of. Lily, Evans and Jonathan also received potions experiments for their birthdays and Christmas but Severus took great pains not to offer the same potion to any of them, and to give them one they would enjoy using.

Brewing was as natural as breathing for Severus, and he knew he was lucky that Mother let him help as much as she did. It did not prevent him from being disappointed not to be able to use his wand at home. After nine months in Hogwarts being able to learn and practice spells, two weeks after coming back home, he was itching to hold his wand and use it. In addition to his desire to keep learning new spells, Severus worried that two months without using his wand might decrease his chances to bond with it. But Mother would not allow him to practice with his wand.

In theory, underage Wizards were not allowed to practice magic outside of school. In reality, the ministry was far more interested in preventing magic from being noticed by Muggles and did not have the manpower to watch over all underage magical children.

Consequently, the ministry’s surveillance consisted in looking for magic in muggle areas, then checking if the magic had been performed by an underage or not, and if it had been noticed or not by Muggles. As it was, a five-year-old could use a wand in Hogsmeade without worries because it was a magical community whereas a lone Muggleborn surrounded by muggle houses would be caught right away.

Purebloods benefited from this as they lived in magical areas. Pureblood children could practice without fear, giving them a seemingly unfair advantage over Muggleborns.

The ministry had come to the same conclusion during Severus’ first year, and had aimed to compensate for this unbalance. As usual, they had been unable to get it right.

Severus shook his head as he remembered that morning of July when he had definitely lost any faith in Minister Birkins and his government.

“Hey Sev!”

“Hello Lily!” answered Severus with a small smile.

His friend was bouncing on her toes, vibrating excitement and anticipation. He braced himself for another of her crusades to save stray cats or build secret huts in the park.

“Guess what? I received a letter from the ministry yesterday, and they’ve created places available to underage Muggleborns for magical practice during the holidays! There’s one only ten minutes from here if we take the bus!”

This was… perfect. For once, the ministry had managed to do something useful.

The current Minister of Magic, Minister Birkins, was the leader of a powerful pro-Muggleborns movement which aimed to compensate Muggleborns for all their perceived disadvantages compared to Purebloods. Minister Birkins was in his second mandate and had decided to go further in his improvement of the Muggleborns situation, confirmed in the rightfulness of his actions by his re-election. It irked several Purebloods, especially those from a line old enough to possess one or two ancestors who had been burned for sorcery by Muggles. Several came from Slytherin, and knowing Slytherin's history, it was no wonder the slytherin Purebloods did not see eye to eye with Minister Birkins.

Severus tended to agree with his House’ opinion of the current Minister as they had yet to solve the root of the problem they claimed to be fighting. For example, they had decided to cancel the class on wizarding traditions in Hogwarts because one muggleborn student had been severely injured attempting a Samhain ritual to speak to his recently deceased grandfather. At the same time, most books on Wizards’ tradition and culture had been moved to Hogwarts' restricted section, meaning they could only be taken out by a student if he had the authorisation from a member of the teaching staff. As the students could order books or speak with pureblood students, they could still access the rituals information and attempt them but with a higher risk of failure and injuries as they would not have the details of the ritual they were attempting. He would have preferred that Hogwarts spent more time teaching the students how to properly perform those rituals. Another example was that the fund for Muggleborns had once more been increased, but to the detriment of the fund for orphaned Wizards as the ministry took for granted that all orphans were taken care of by their relatives who had to have enough resources to let them attend Hogwarts.

Severus wondered why he had not received a letter too, but figured the post might have been delayed.

“This sounds great Lily;” said Severus with a smile, already thinking about all the spells he wanted to try out. “When do you want to go?”

“Now!” answered Lily as if it should be obvious.

Severus bit his lip. He did not think Mother would object to the practice, however he would need to be back before his father was back from work. He would need to use a timer but it was doable.

“Alright, but I need to fetch my wand,” answered Severus, excitement bubbling now that the possibility of using Magic was realistic.

Lily nodded.

“Me too, Mum forbade me to go to the park with my wand.”

“Which bus do we need to take?” asked Severus. Depending on the stop, it might be quicker to meet back there directly instead of making a detour by the park.

“321, at the Bridge stop. We’ll go down at the Top hill stop.”

“So, meet there in twenty?” proposed Severus.

“Perfect, hurry up!” said Lily as she dashed towards her house.

Smiling, Severus could not help but run too, eager to practice.

“Already back, Severus?” inquired Mother, lifting her eyes from the shirt she was mending.

“Lily received a letter from Professor McGonnagal, the Ministry has set up places where we can practice Magic during the holidays. We’d like to go now,” explained Severus.

Mother nodded slowly.

“Be back before your father’s home.”

“I know,” answered Severus.

He made it to the bus stop in fifteen minutes, but Lily was already waiting for him impatiently.

“Finally!”

He stuck his tongue at her in answer, earning a playful swat as well as a laugh.

He was lucky that the bus did not take long to arrive as Lily kept jumping around as she waited. Such a Gryffindor.

They did not speak much in the bus as they kept having to stop from pronouncing magic words around Muggles. It was a relief to get down at Top hill.

Lily put out a small map, and they watched in wonder as a small manlike shape indicated where they stood, and a small arrow indicated the way they should walk to reach the practice place. It was represented by a purple house on the map, which made Severus wonder if the colour had a hidden significance.

They walked five minutes before the map helpfully informed them they had reached their destination. It was an unassuming looking house, with nothing different from her neighbours.

Lily knocked on the door firmly.

“Good morning children,” answered a woman who looked like she was Mother’s age. “How may I help you?”

Lily handed her the pass that Professor McGonagall joined to her letter and the woman smiled.

“Come in.”

They followed her inside. The entrance was bigger than it looked from the outside, with a big desk and two chairs forming a welcome space.

“I need your name to check that you’re on the list,” said the woman.

“Lily Evans and Severus Snape,” answered Lily.

“Alright, here you are, Miss Evans. And… Mister Snape, you’re listed as a student but not a Muggleborn. You may use the practice place but you have to pay a fee of 10 gallons per hour,” said the woman as she looked at Severus.

He did not have the time to get over his shock at first not being on the list and two the astronomic sum of money they asked if he wanted to practice. Lily was already angry for him.

“What do you mean Sev is not on the list and must pay to practice with me? We live barely ten minutes apart!” exclaimed Lily.

“I’m sorry Miss, but your friend is not on the Muggleborns list so the ministry considers he already has a place where he can practice safely.”

“But Severus lives in the muggle world like me!”

“I do not make the rules,” answered the woman, though she had the grace to look apologetically to Severus. “You may write to the ministry to signal a mistake and ask for free access. I can give you the name of the person who’s in charge of this program.”

“Yes, please,” answered Lily, calming a bit in front of the offered solution.

They left with the information and Lily immediately made Severus write the letter that she then sent with her owl.

Severus had no illusion of a letter changing anything and was proven right two days later when he was refused access to the practice area because his Mother was a Witch. Nobody in the ministry had thought that she could be living in a muggle area all the time because nobody at the ministry could imagine living in the muggle world instead of the wizarding one if given the opportunity. They forgot that as he was a Halfblood, his father was obviously a Muggle and might not be so keen to live among people harnessing powers he he did not have.

Truly, Severus was part of a minority nobody cared about—nothing new here. Halfbloods were not common because Muggleborns tended to marry other Muggleborns. Sometimes they would marry with a Pureblood from lesser families, almost never into the oldest lines as the Black or the Malfoy and even less with Muggles. Purebloods mainly married within their own group, sometimes accepting a Muggleborn among them but never a Muggle. The few times it had happened could be counted on Severus’ hands from what Evan had told him, and it had always ended by the disinheritance or the death of the Pureblood daring to attempt it.

To Severus, it seemed logical that marrying someone who did not have the same background and capabilities as yourself was asking for disaster—his parents were the living proof of it. He could only approve of wizards staying among themselves. Of course, Muggleborns should be able to see their Muggle relatives but aside from that, he did not see the point for Wizards to have contacts with the muggle world—except for obtaining some potion ingredients or audio tapes of some muggle music bands that were quite good. In Severus' experience, brief contacts with the muggle world could be highly beneficial to a Wizard but lasting ones could only lead to jealousy and heartache in the end. Merlin! Lily's own muggle sister Petunia was jealous of her sister's powers and becoming nastier to Lily with each passing day.

Severus sighed wistfully.

He had spent the entire summer brewing or in the park with Lily. She had refused to use the practice place in a show of solidarity with him. His Slytherin friends had written to him and they had corresponded a few times. They had invited him to spend a week at their home but he had declined, knowing Mother needed him to brew for her. The invitations had warmed him and he had vowed to go next year if they invited him again.

He had barely seen his father who had spent most of his time away from home. All in all, despite being unable to practice spells, it had been a good summer.

The difficulties had begun with his return to Hogwarts.

Money being tight, Severus had taken Mother’s books again but also wore second hand clothes. Lily, Evan and Jonathan had said nothing of it, but he heard a few derogatory comments from other students he did his best to ignore.

It was the year pranks from the Marauders began to more frequently target him. The rude glasses guy from the train in first year had been James Potter, his acolyte being Sirius Black. Both had been sorted into Gryffindor—an utter surprise for Black as Severus learned from Evan that the family was notorious for being Slytherins and slightly mad. In Gryffindor Potter and Black had found two other idiots, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew and together the four boys formed the “Marauders”, a "pranksters" group. During his first year, Severus had barely noticed them. Their pranks had been innocuous then and focused on random targets which sometimes included him. Second year had been different. While the Marauders had still pranked a number of student groups, they had behaved differently with Severus, singling him out as the lone victim of numerous pranks.

A memory slammed into view. Young Severus was soaked. The Marauders had just spelled water balloons to erupt above him "in an effort to make him more presentable". Since his return to Hogwarts, they had been among the ones mocking his poor clothes—except Lupin whose clothes, while not as bad as Severus', were far from new—as well as his oily hair. Sadly for Severus, a summer brewing potions and not enough money to buy a shampoo that would clean the potions residues from his hair coupled with the beginning of puberty had left his hair in a sorry state. Mother had refused to have him cut it as long hair was traditional among Purebloods.

The humiliation hurt but it was nothing compared to the damage done to his Charms book. His book was dripping ink and water, its protective charm long worn out and never reapplied by Mother. For the first time in a long long while, Severus was near tears as he knew he could not afford to buy another one.  
The Marauders were laughing at their prank along with several other students when Potter suddenly exclaimed:

"Hey, isn't Snape crying?"

"Are you sure it's not the shower he just took?" replied Sirius coming closer to Severus to have a better look.

"No, no,” crowed Pettigrew, “he’s so crying like a girl."

"Oh, poor little snivelling Snape is crying like a girl over a book," laughed Black. A glint appeared in his eyes and he smirked. "Guys, I just got a sudden bout of inspiration. From now on, this poor crying little Snapey will be snivelly Snape!"

Pettigrew and Potter sniggered.

"No no Sirius, you got it wrong,” laughed Potter. “He is Snivellus Snape!"

They all laughed out loud, other students joining them even if Severus now noticed Lupin seemed to force himself. Patting each other in the back for their good word, they left young Severus to try and find a way to salvage his book while struggling not to cry openly.

From then on, the Marauders had called him by that hated name. It infuriated Severus and they knew it, which was the whole point. Lily had been furious but her rants could not undo the damages already done.

Yet, he had been happy at the time, reflected Severus. Hogwarts had still felt safe during his second year. He had ignored the pranks and the other students as best as he had been able to and enjoyed his three friends as well as his studies. Moreover, he had been in high spirits because he had begun to feel a pull between his wand and himself that he suspected of being a bond. The pull had been different from when he brewed potions, it had felt like it connected deep within himself, with his magical core he had theorized. He had also noticed he had better control of his spells, and managed to dose out the intensity he wanted to put into them more easily. Flitwick had even commended him several times for well attuned charms. It did not help with Transfiguration but Severus had kept studying following Lucius’ advice. He had still been the last of his year, walking a thin line between passing and failing.

Another memory shimmered into view and Severus felt a bitter smile form on his lips. It was the day he had heard about Lord Voldemort for the first time. He had been so full of hope. After all, the Lord’s goal only was to apply Slytherin’s rules outside their House so the entire wizarding world would benefit from them. How could he have guessed it would reveal the deep fracture between two parts of their society and the pettiness of those already in power? How could he have known it would cause many disagreements between Lily and him?

Young Severus was in his common room, doing his Transfiguration homework with Jonathan as Lily had told him she needed to help one of her friends with Charms and could not meet him in the library as usual.They had been about halfway to their second year and Lily had begun to spend more time with her Gryffindor friends. Severus spent more time with Evan and Jonathan as well, and as they still saw each other regularly, he had thought they had found the balance between all their friends.

He snorted at how naive he had been and returned his attention to the memory, where Evan had just sat with his two friends, excited.

"Have you heard the news?"

"I don't think so but I'm sure we will soon," drawled Severus.

Jonathan playfully attempted to swat him, which he evaded gracefully.

"Come on Severus, I'm sure Evan would not waste our time with useless gossip and you know you want to know what he has to share."

Rolling his eyes, young Severus made a gesture toward Evan to impart the so important news.

"Remember how Father is always railing against the ministry because they do so much for the Muggleborns to the detriment of us Pureblood and without asking for anything in exchange? That he keeps saying it's high time that someone stands up to stop this nonsense?"

Both boys nodded.

Severus had definitely labelled Minister Birkins as incompetent after the summer’s debacle. He had been reinforced in his opinion when he had learnt of the following measure taken to support Muggleborns that also excluded Halfbloods.

The currency rate between pounds and galleons was highly disadvantageous for Muggleborns, as one galleon was worth five pounds. Buying all the materials necessary for a year at Hogwarts required a fair number of galleons for a wizarding family but was considered to be a worthy investment. For Muggles, it was a lot of pounds to spend when they knew next to nothing of the prospective future it would offer their children. To counterbalance this, a fund was created to provide Muggleborns with what was estimated to be the cost of one year at Hogwarts. Every year a Muggleborn studied at Hogwarts, he received this stipend.

Of course, nobody had thought about the few Half-bloods students. All of them had at least one parent working in the muggle world, which meant at least half of their parents' income was in pounds. As it was, the fact that Mother was paid in galleons for her potions had made it possible for her to run the house and put some money aside while Severus had been home-schooled. Now she had to pay for his Hogwarts material and sold less potions without her son to help with the brewing. She had to be much more careful about her expenses as he had seen during summer, especially with his father taking his fair share of this income. To this day, Severus still did not understand why she had not put all her money in a Gringotts account, safely away from her husband's greedy hands. Why had she not…

In his memory, Evan smiled with a conspiratorial air.

"Father has met this bloke that came back from several years of travelling. His name is Lord Voldemort and apparently, he plans on forming an opposition group to the ministry. He said that the ministry gives far too much to the Muggleborns whose parents are not even taxed as we are. He said that for now, the ministry is only focusing on muggleborn students but that soon they will propose laws favouring the adults. He said he heard them talking about quotas of Muggleborns to be admitted in post-Hogwarts curricula, as well as some creating designated housing for them in the most wanted magical areas. He also said they are trying to undermine Purebloods. You just need to look at what they are putting into place for Muggleborns while refusing Lord Malfoy's proposal. This Lord Voldemort said his proposal would have achieved a lot more for Muggleborns than the ministry's measures while uniting Purebloods and Muggleborns."

About two years before Severus' first year, Lord Abraxas Malfoy had proposed to have every Muggleborn and Half-blood child sponsored by a Wizard who came from a wizarding family of at least three generations in order to be taught about the wizarding world and its traditions. Sponsorship would begin as soon as the child’s magic was detected. It would mean putting into place a list of sponsors after checking all of them were law abiding citizens and suited to the task of introducing Muggles to magic. It would also mean paying those sponsors for their work, even if Lord Malfoy had included in his proposal a list of potential sponsors who were willing to be volunteers. In exchange, it would protect Muggleborn children and help them integrate their new world. It was close to Slytherin's proposal but factored in the sensibility of those believing in family before everything else. All Slytherins had been disappointed when it was rejected, and according to Jonathan's father, they had not been the only ones.

"Father is waiting to see how it goes but it seems that at least the Malfoy are also interested."

Young Severus knew—thanks to his political lessons with his friends—that the Malfoy being interested meant that Lord Voldemort had potential. Of course, they would have to wait and see as “Rome wasn't built in a day”, but changes might well happen before they left Hogwarts.

Evan turned to Severus, telling him eagerly:"You will love this Severus. This Lord also said that Half-bloods children were forgotten too often and that, as it could never end well between Wizards and Muggles, it was our duty to watch out for them and take them in if needed, to help their magical inheritance flourish. Father said Lord Malfoy already had a candidate in mind to test a sponsorship, recommended by his son Lucius.”

Severus flushed.

"I don't think he was talking about me Evan."

"Come on Severus,” said Jonathan, “Lucius tutored you in Transfiguration and is keeping in touch with you even though he graduated last year. He was dead impressed by your potions skills and rightly so. You told us he loved your potion experiment gift, the one that allowed him to grow _Anadenanthera peregrina_ in Malfoy Manor gardens to woo Narcissa Black when it’s only supposed to grow in South America. He even gave you a gift for your birthday. I don't see who else he could have recommended to his father."

"Think about it, Severus,” said Evan excitedly, “With a sponsorship from Lord Malfoy, you could become the greatest potion master of all times!"

"Hmm, Evan, I think you're a little too enthusiastic,” said Severus. “To become a potion Master grade III would already be an enormous achievement for me."

"Severus!” scolded Evan, “You need to stop thinking so poorly of yourself. You're the best of our year!"

"Not in Transfiguration," interjected Severus.

"But you will be good eventually,” continued Evan, imperturbable. “Think of all you could do. I'm sure if you keep on studying like you do, you could even obtain several masteries together."

"Come on Evan, I'm only this good because Mother taught me at home some of the first and second year stuff. It won't be the same next year."

Jonathan snorted.

"So did we Severus, as every Pureblood who attends Hogwarts. And don't tell me you're not still studying in advance. I'm pretty sure you could take your potion OWL now and pass."

The three friends continued bickering merrily, and the older Severus smiled longingly. His two friends had believed in him so much even then. Now that he had taken the exam, he knew he indeed could have passed it in second year. Severus sighed. He did this a lot lately he reflected. Time to go to third year, when their world had begun to change…


	4. Arc I - Hogwarts - Rifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter beated by Miette and dpstone12 :)

That summer had been hard, reflected Severus as he riffled through several memories. He had been surprised to receive an owl minutes before boarding the Hogwarts Express telling him he would have to go back home on his own. Mother usually came for him, even if they took the bus to go back home, so they could talk about his year without disturbance from his father. 

When he arrived home, he found Mother much too thin and sporting bruises of different shades. Her economies had not lasted the year, and with Father taking more and more from her potions revenues, she had barely scraped by in the last two months to feed his father and herself. Father had hit her more frequently because of this even as he ate his fill, leaving her the crumbs.

During summer, Father often ranted about Severus not earning his share but still going to his special expensive school. It made Severus fume as his father still had not found another job and squandered the money his wife and son had earned. He sometimes dreamed of getting back at his father but knew he was no match physically. He learned that bitterly when he tried a few times to intervene when his father hit his mother and ended with a battered body and Mother cowering in a corner. She did not dare argue any more and Severus did not dare use potions on his father for fear of what he would do to them afterwards. As much as he loathed him, he could not bring himself to dose his father with a lethal potion.

Instead, Severus began working on stronger and more difficult healing potions. They normally required expensive ingredients but he was determined to create one he could brew in quantity for Mother. Potions had always been a pleasure but this summer, they became an absolute necessity. He and Mother brewed a lot, Severus handling the more difficult potions to let Mother rest and relax as much as she was able to. Severus asked her once why she had not used magic on her husband and was horrified to learn that during one of his drinking fits, Father had managed to break her wand when Mother had tried to defend herself. Since then she was at his mercy, Father knew her pride would not let her ask for help. It also meant she had to do the menial tasks the muggle way, cutting into her brewing time.

By the end of July, Severus had earned enough money for the family to have proper meals while giving Father enough to make him happy, thus lessening the beatings. 

He asked Mother to flee to the Wizarding world when he went back to Hogwarts. There, she should be able to live with the money they had earned during summer while she looked for a job, since in his mind, nothing could be worse than remaining here with his father. To his shock and surprise, her only answer was to slap him for the first and only time of his life. He never broached the subject again that summer.

Severus shook his head to himself as he watched her angry reaction. To this day, he did not understand how love could have enslaved Mother to the point of chaining her to his father no matter the man’s behaviour toward her. To think last Christmas she had… No, he was watching his memories in order. He needed to be methodical in his analysis.

The next memories were no happier. 

His depressing home situation was amplified by Lily's absence. He had already been disappointed when she did not share his train compartment for the ride back home at the end of the year. Then she spent half of summer at another friend's house so he could not escape and see her as much as usual. He went to the park on his own a few times but ended up brooding. 

His only respite came from Jonathan's and Evan's letters. He had again not been able to visit them, fearing for Mother. Instead, they wrote to each other regularly. He did not know how they managed it, but their owls always delivered their letters when Father was not around, and when he had written his reply, he only needed to open his room's window to have them come in. 

Severus sometimes longed for an owl of his own—or any pet in truth—but knew he would have to wait until he had proper work after graduation to afford one. His friends' letters kept him apprised of any important news or rumours concerning the Wizarding world. Severus was grateful, especially when it became clear the state of wizarding politics was evolving quickly.

_ Hi Severus, _

_ I hope you are enjoying your summer and not studying too hard, Jonathan told me to remind you we have school for this!  
_ _ I am still in France with Aunt Amelia and the cousins but Father came back to England in haste. From what I gathered, Lord Voldemort is going to  _ _ formally call  _ _ for a vote of no confidence. Father said he had enough support, mainly among the older Pureblood lines, to win it and unseat the current Minister of  _ _M_ _ agic, which means new elections next year. Father said the calendar was moving faster than predicted because of the latest propositions and counter-propositions from the  _ _m_ _ inistry and Lord Voldemort. _

_ Lord Voldemort made several proposals that were all refused by the ministry but which were very popular, among Purebloods in particular. First, he proposed to have the same rules applied to Muggles as Wizards concerning children, meaning muggle parents would depend from wizarding law for everything concerning their kids. To complement this, he renewed the demand from Lord Malfoy to have Purebloods sponsor Muggleborns and Halfbloods. I can tell you Father  _ _was enthusiastic_ _ and he began meeting with other Heads of Pureblood Houses more frequently from then on.  _

_ Lord Voldemort submitted another proposal that raised an uproar in the political spheres. I don't know what you would think of it but he proposed to improve creatures' rights. He still wants them to register as they do now but in return, the  _ _m_ _ inistry would help them find a job. They would propose to the potential employers the means to be safe: for example, they would freely provide potions that lessen Veelas, Faes or Vampires effects on the human minds, or they would provide monetary support in exchange for a werewolf not working the three days of the full moon. Lord Voldemort even proposed to fund safe houses for the working  _ _W_ _ erewolves where they would be locked away from potential victims but also safe from hunters. You know the  _ _mi_ _ nistry _ _’s_ _ stance on this; they were very much against it. _

_ The ministry even added Vampires to the list of creatures that need to register with the ministry. They said it was because all creatures that can pass for humans must be known, in order to protect them from others and to protect others from them if needed. Werewolves, Veelas, Elves and Faes amongst others were already on the list but Vampires had managed to escape it thanks to their economic assets and their political allies. It was not enough this time and now, it is rumoured their  _ _Family’s_ _ leader is supporting Voldemort and his petition for the Minister's removal.  _

_ In the same vein, the  _ _m_ _ inistry also refused a proposal by  _ _Lord Rowle_ _ s who wanted to allow creatures to work without having to inform their employer of their condition.  _

_ I think what finally made the Purebloods rally behind Lord Voldemort for the motion of no confidence was the  _ _m_ _ inistry _ _’s_ _ proposition to create a magic school for Muggleborns between 6 and 11 to prepare them for Hogwarts. As you know, Purebloods are actually taught at home by tutors or family members, as you were. So the  _ _m_ _ inistry  _ _does not_ _ want to allow Purebloods or Halfbloods in it as it would cost too much and they say that we have the means to teach our offspring. Father was livid, he ranted and shouted that we would pay for this school but never be allowed to attend it. He even broke Grand-Mother's favourite vase but thankfully, we managed to reparo it, also it is a bit tilted now. _

_ No more news for now, but I think this year will be important for us on many points. Do not forget to write back because you are too caught up in your cauldrons.  _

_ Later _

_ Evan _

This letter, and the others that followed in the same vein, had set high hopes for Severus who envisioned his father subdued by Wizards and taken to prison, allowing Mother and himself to live happily together. This Lord Voldemort had seemed more and more admirable, with his willingness to fight for those who could not defend themselves, even remembering Halfbloods in his proposals. 

Yes, Severus knew you needed to be cautious of people that offered you what you dreamed of. Nonetheless, he did not discern any catch for now and allowed himself to dream when he was alone at night.

When the time came for Severus to leave for Hogwarts, he was relieved but tired and concerned for Mother. Most of his August income had gone to Mother's secret stash to help her while he was at school. Severus' second year clothes still fit so he had sadly forgone the purchase of newer ones and only bought the strict minimum required on his Hogwarts' list, mainly his elective books because his were not the same as Mother's. Following Lucius' advice, Severus was taking Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures and Runes. All three could be applied to potions: for example, you could use runes to enhance one, stabilize, or secure potions. Arithmancy could help determine when to harvest an ingredient so that it would be the most effective for one particular potion and Care of Magical Creatures could help obtain body fluids and parts from creatures without risking evisceration or another painful death. 

Severus went to King's Cross station on his own, not wanting Mother to risk reprisal when she came back home. He had stocked her with his strongest healing potions but he did not know if she would have enough. He vowed to find a way to help her from Hogwarts.

Severus felt a surge of pride as he watched his younger self take his courage in both hands on the second day of the year, after classes were over, and knock on Professor Slughorn’s office. 

Young Severus had a plan to get the man to give him a space to brew potions for Mother. It was risky because it relied on his friends’ assessment of his capabilities which he thought vastly exaggerated, however he would use it to reach his goal. He only needed Slughorn to believe they were right.   
He had been careful to wait for his Head of House to be alone and without other potential visitors in sight, not wanting to be interrupted or denied because someone more important than him showed up.

“Come in.”

Severus did not sneer when the welcoming smile on his Head of House faltered as he spotted him. He knew he was not the man’s favourite but he was the best in his subject.

“Good evening Professor.”

“Good evening Mister Snape. What brings you to my office for the first time since you started here at Hogwarts?” 

Severus knew he could have to ingratiate himself with the Professor by coming to fawn over him during his office hours or by asking him questions on potions to demonstrate the depth of his understanding of the subject. He could have shown him his recipes using muggle ingredients, as well as the recipes he had improved. But Severus had neither the ambition nor the desire to play the political game. He knew and did enough not to be a pariah among his House, but he did not relish the game as much as most did. It might cost him tonight.

“I would like to discuss my options for the future with you Professor,” explained Severus quietly, looking Slughorn right in the eyes.

“Isn’t it a bit late to discuss your optional courses, Mister Snape? I did not see you at the information meeting last year,” answered Professor Slughorn, smile now gone.

“I followed Lucius’ advice to choose my options,” replied Severus, intentionally dropping the Malfoy’s heir’s first name in the conversation to catch Slughorn’s attention.

He wanted to roll his eyes as Slughorn subtly straightened at the realisation Severus was close enough to Lucius Malfoy for him to give him advice.

“Lucius Malfoy counselled you on which courses to follow this year?” said his Head of House with a speculative glint in his eyes.

“Yes Professor,” answered Severus casually, as if receiving advice from the Malfoy’s heir was nothing unusual for a third year when said heir had left the school two years ago.

“Very well. What options do you wish to discuss if not your current chosen courses?”

“I aim to become a Potion Master grade I,” stated Severus seriously.

His Head of House looked at him appraisingly. 

“Potion Master grade I. I cannot fault your ambition. However, few achieve this rank. What makes you think you can?”

He could not botch this.

“I am aware Grade I is rarely awarded in the Potion field, and I know no recent potion has been truly revolutionary and brought a breakthrough of the like of the latest healing charms or the transfiguration spells applied to building. For these reasons Potions are considered by many as lesser Magic.”

Slughorn himself was a Potion Master grade I but he had not published an innovative potion for twenty years despite his access to Hogwarts’ resources.

“True,” agreed Professor Slughorn. “Why would you be different?”

“I believe I have mastered my current year curriculum. I am already capable of brewing potions from Hogwarts’ fifth year book on my own.”

According to Mother’s books, he was already up to the seventh year’s potions. 

Slughorn frowned as he took out a notebook from his desk and leafed through it.

“Your grades are high but you were behind Miss Evans in last year's ranking.” 

Severus had to clench his hands not to retort immediately. He was not part of the Slugh club as he was neither influential in school nor had powerful family members. The few times he had been at the club parties was when Lily had brought him. She was a member because like every teacher, Slughorn was under her spell and saw a bright future for her with powerful connections. She was also his star pupil. Severus knew he was the better potioneer but Slughorn was biased and often gave her a slightly better grade, even when they worked on a project together.

“Indeed. However, being Potion Master grade I requires more than knowing how to follow a recipe. I believe I can go further than just following recipes if I work hard and if I have the means to practice and experiment. I would not have approached you if Lucius did not agree with my assessment.”

Slughorn looked at him knowingly and Severus hid a wince as he realised he had not been as subtle as he should have. 

“What were Mister Malfoy’s exact words to you when you asked for his assessment of your skill?”

Severus had never asked for Lucius’ opinion on his brewing skills, however he could truthfully answer Professor Slughorn if he quoted Lucius from their first conversation.

“He said I was a Natural.”

Slughorn was a Slytherin, he knew how to control himself, yet he had obviously not expected this answer. He leant back into his chair, tapping his fingers together, silent as he pondered Severus’ words.

“What would you require?” finally asked his Head of House.

“A private lab, access to the ingredients and brewing instruments I require and the freedom of experimenting, developing my own potions,” answered Severus, fighting not to rush out his words as he felt hope rising in his chest.

Slughorn nodded slowly. 

“Ingredients can be costly, I will need to approve what you will use. And I would need to supervise you.”

Severus barely managed not to grimace. He did not need a babysitter watching over his shoulder. He could not take the risk to have Slughorn steal his ideas.

“I don't want to impose on your time Professor,” answered Severus, trying to find the right words to convince Slughorn he could manage on his own. “I know how to brew safely, so you really don’t need to be present. However, as you will sign on the Hogwarts’ ingredients and materials I will use, you can also make sure I am not using dangerous combinations.”

There was no harm in letting Slughorn know which ingredients he wanted to use since he would also collect some from Mother. Slughorn would never expect Severus to use muggle ingredients and Mother could get many for free. She would send them to him back through the Hogwarts’ owls he would send her with a list of what he needed. He would have to be careful not to send too many so as not to anger his father. 

He would also need to be careful not to brew advanced potions at the beginning until Slughorn lost interest in Severus’ brewing.

“It could work,” agreed Slughorn. “If you are able to brew safely.”

“Test me,” replied Severus, a hint of challenge in his voice.

He was so close.

“Yes, I believe I will test you. But not today. Let me see… Report on Friday afternoon at five o’clock.”

On Friday, Severus spent several hours under Slughorn's watchful gaze, performing whatever tests the man deemed necessary to grant him access to a private lab. Slughorn first asked him to brew several potions, some with an incomplete or wrong recipe to see how Severus would handle it. Then he tested him on spells used to vanish or contain potions gone wrong as well as shields to protect himself should a potion explode. Severus breezed through it all and Slughorn, impressed despite himself, allowed him access to a small private lab protected by a password set by Severus that could only be overruled by a teacher. Of course, Slughorn warned him that at the first incident or if his marks in other classes suffered, he would revoke this privilege. The Professor also forbade him to bring anyone else to the lab because distraction could easily lead the best potioneers to make fatal mistakes. 

For the first time Slughorn really took notice of him and officially invited him to join the Slug club. While he had no plan to attend, it made Severus’ chest swell a little to finally have his talent recognized by a Master of the field.

From then on, when his workload allowed it, Severus brewed potions he sent to Mother to sell. Jonathan and Evan had to insist several times for him to take breaks and enjoy himself. They even took turns checking he was in bed at eleven. It did not prevent Severus from studying in bed but it was harder to resist sleep in the comfortable four-poster bed than in a chair or on the floor. He was very careful not to let his marks suffer from his brewing sessions. Between the new electives, Transfiguration, his other schoolwork and Mother's potions, Severus was clearly stretched thin and his temper—which had never been the nicest—was suffering from it. 

To make it worse, Severus' third year at Hogwarts was a bad re-enactment of his second year. The state of his clothes and hair was worse. The pranks the Marauders pulled on him were worse, often humiliating and bordering on cruel. It was more difficult to ignore them in his sullenness and tiredness. Severus retaliated several times with nasty curses toeing the lines of the Dark Arts he had studied in Mother's books and had the satisfaction of gaining the upper hand several times, especially as Jonathan and Evan took to walking with him almost everywhere when they noticed he was being targeted. 

The pranks hurt even more because Lily, his first staunch supporter, had several times scolded him for hurting the Marauders in defence from a prank instead of going to a teacher.

"Come on Sev, they only changed your robe in pink, you did not need to break Sirius’ arm!" exclaimed Lily.

"You know I did not mean it,” said Severus defensively.

"But you knew the spell you used could hurt him, don't deny it! And I don't even know that spell, where did you find it?"

"It was in one of Mother's books," replied Severus, carefully omitting it was a dark spell according to the ministry. Mother had warned him to be careful with it. It was meant to hurt an enemy as much as he had intended to hurt you, but as a sacrifice it made you feel the pain you inflicted to your victim. Severus had thought it worthwhile in this case, but he had been surprised Black had wanted to hurt him that much. The pain had been intense but brief, and nothing more than what Father had already inflicted him. At least, he had had the satisfaction of making Black yell.

"And I was only defending myself, why are you always on their side?" he asked angrily, hurt by her lack of concern for him.

"Sev, they only pranked you and you attacked them,” said Lily. “Why can't you go to a teacher or prank them back instead of hurting them?"

"Because you think they don't hurt me,” exploded Severus. “It's not just a prank when every day, they either pour a liquid over me, ridicule me by changing my clothes or cast what you call inoffensive spells on me to make my voice higher, my toes bigger or what else... And the teachers don't care, most give them a lecture and a pat on the heads for a well thought out prank and a clever use of magic."

He was breathing so hard his ears were ringing.

"They even sabotaged some of my transfiguration practicals because they know it's my weakest subject," he added bitterly.

"You are exaggerating Sev,” said Lily. “They have not put spells on you like that since September, and they prank everyone in good fun. I really don't see why they would sabotage your transfiguration practicals as you're last in our year. It's true they ruined your book last year but they thought it had a protective charm on it like every other schoolbook."

Severus looked at her, not comprehending why she defended them so fiercely and hurt by how she matter-of-factly dismissed the sabotaging of his hard work because anyway he was not good at it. In truth, his efforts were beginning to pay. He was still among the last but improving, and more importantly, he was beginning to make sense of the subject in its totality.

Not wanting to show how much he hurt because of her words, he said in his best icy voice:

"You do not see them cast spells on me any more because I learned several protective charms that are usually enough to deflect their spells. I had to place protective charms on all my belongings to prevent them from ruining or stealing them. I am their favourite target and you don't care. Now go have fun with your precious Marauders and leave me alone."

He would have run, if not for his pride. He contented himself with quickly walking away to the lake, keeping his tears inside by thinking about Father. There he sat, brooding over his sorry life and plotting his revenge on the four boys that made his life at school hell. 

After what felt like hours, someone sat beside him.

"Sev, I'm sorry."

He did not want to look at Lily. She was giving him up for them.

"Sev, it's just... I don't recognize you this year. You are so execrable, you get angry at any little thing and you almost only say snide and hurtful remarks... I worry you know."

The older Severus sighed wistfully. He had been so in awe of Lily, his first friend, that he had curbed his most sarcastic, impatient and revengeful tendencies around her. In third year, he had not been able to, even for her, as he had relied mostly on instinct to go through his days in a perpetual state of tiredness and aggressiveness. Lily had been shocked because she had never really seen this side of him while Evan and Jonathan had known and guessed more about him before. He supposed Slytherins were more used to looking behind the mask… And they were greatly amused by his dark sense of humour.

After this scene, Severus was still partnered with Lily in potions and they studied together from time to time, but he felt her drift away. 

It did not help that their first visit to Hagrid after the dispute went wrong because he overreacted. Severus cringed as he watched the memory unfold.

"Come on Sev, we visit Hagrid together every month, you know he will be disappointed if you don't come," whined Lily.

Severus looked at her, torn.

"Lily, I need to brew for Mother and I still have an essay for arithmancy."

"It's due next week Sev, you have time! And you need some fresh air instead of remaining cooped up in your lab," said Lily firmly.

It was the first time she had come to him to do something fun since their last argument, so Severus let himself be tempted. Plus, he genuinely liked Hagrid even if he remained cautious around the huge man who did not know his strength.

"Alright, let's go, but we won't stay too late."

"Yes!” shouted Lily.

She eagerly took his hand to drag him to Hagrid, making his heart flutter. 

They were almost there when they heard a deep bark. Looking in the direction of the sound, they saw a big dog running toward them. Lily yelped while Severus reacted and cursed the wild animal. It stopped and crumpled, whining in pain, just when Hagrid arrived shouting:

"Down Fang, don't scare the kids away Boy!"

Hagrid stopped when he saw the scene then ran to Fang, worriedly looking him over. Severus realized he had just hurt the gatekeeper's pet—honestly, he should have known—and awkwardly came closer to the beast with Lily.

"Hagrid, I'm sorry. I thought it was attacking us."

Hagrid sniffled.

"Of course he would not, he just wanted to play, he's a young pup you know."

Severus shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

"I can heal him with the counter-curse if you let me."

Hagrid looked him in the eyes then nodded slowly.

Severus took his wand, muttering the incantation. At once, the dog stood up and went to hide behind Hagrid fearfully.

"Thank you Severus. I'm sorry kids, but I think it would be better if I took care of Fang now, to reassure him."

"Of course Hagrid,” said Lily quickly. “We understand. And we're really sorry."

He smiled and looked at Severus sadly. 

"Severus, I know you did not mean to hurt him, you're a good boy. Come back later, and I will make sure to introduce the both of you properly."

Severus gave him a grateful little smile, relieved that the Half-Giant was not angry with him. But Severus never went back. Lily had been angry at him for hurting another innocent, giving him the cold shoulder for several days, and he had been so ashamed he had not dared go back to Hagrid's on his own. Then it was too late to go, or so he felt. Now when they ran into each other, they were both awkward and ill at ease. 

Following the incident, Lily began spending more time with Lupin. She had told Severus he was a nice, quiet and shy guy, and a very good studying partner who had a lot more patience than Severus. When Severus took offence at him belonging to the group that targeted him again and again, she told him Remus was not like the other three and repeated that anyway, it was only pranks. 

Severus seethed at this and took to watching Lupin as much as he did Potter and Black, the worst of the Marauders in his mind. He observed that Lupin got sick a few days every month, often missing classes for at least two days during this time. He had known he was sickly but had not realized it happened so often. It aroused Severus’ suspicion because it just could not be natural and in his spare time—rare as it was—he began searching for the cause of this illness.

Fifteen year old Severus shivered. If he had known what would happen when he began analysing Lupin... He still had nightmares about it, even if Occlumency helped.

The end of third year was marked by the Minister of Magic election, the vote of no confidence having been obtained in October. The school had been buzzing, the older years taking a keen interest in it and Slytherin impatiently hoping for Lord Voldemort election as Minister of Magic. Many pureblood Heads of Houses had aligned themselves with him among all four Houses of Hogwarts, and it gave life to many passionate debates. 

Muggleborns were of two minds about it: some liked the idea of the sponsorship, others like Lily thought it would give too much power to the Purebloods by formatting the young Muggleborns' minds before they were old enough to have their own opinion. Personally, Severus thought most of the Hogwarts students had no mind of their own from first to seven year so it would be no loss. He also admitted deep within himself that he would have loved to have a sponsor to escape his home life more than he had been able to. 

Severus sometimes caught himself imagining his life under Lord Abraxas Malfoy’s sponsorship, researching and practising magic as much as he wanted to, exploring the magical world, meeting with Lucius and his wizard friends during the holidays without fear of his father... Each time he ruthlessly squashed these thoughts but they were traitorous in the hope they offered and sneaked on him when he was not expecting it. 

To Severus' utter disappointment, Lord Voldemort lost the elections for Minister of Magic by a few voices. Minister Birkins was re-elected but many whispered accusations of cheating. Lord Voldemort asked for an inquisition on the vote but was denied by the Wizengamot, presided by Hogwarts' Headmaster. Some students reported rumours of several riots in London to protest against this decision but the Daily prophet made no mention of it and there was no announcement from the ministry on the matter. Severus left Hogwarts disgruntled, like most of Lord Voldemort supporters.

Severus sighed. The loss of the election had been the beginning of tensions in school. It started with the Marauders and a few others mocking Lord Voldemort's defeat and baiting the students known to support his ideas. Students from all houses had spoken in his favour but the mockery was concentrated on Slytherin students because Lord Voldemort had revealed in an interview that he had been sorted in Slytherin and was very proud of it. In the same interview he had extolled the virtues of ambition and cunning, the two main traits of any Slytherin according to him. The brave Gryffindors considered it more like flaws and the well-known rivalry between the two houses began to go beyond the will to win the House cup. Severus had thought it lucky that school ended only two weeks after the elections and that Ravenclaw won the cup—in part thanks to the loss of point from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for insults and pranks on each other during these last two weeks. It had meant going back home before the hostilities went too far. 

Severus snorted. It could never be that simple. 

Changing shelves, he went on fourth year.


	5. Arc I - Hogwarts - Winds of change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Betaed by Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus sighed as he watched the memories of the summer following his third year. They were quite similar to those of the previous one, with a thinner version of Mother, a drunker version of Father and a more sullen version of himself. He shook his head as his younger self surrounded himself with cauldrons, brewing as many potions as he could,  Mother only managing the simplest potions.  Her life at Father’s side had not been kind to her. When Severus had come back home, she had struggled with the precision required to prepare the ingredients as well as the more physical tasks like stirring the potions. It had been no surprise to learn that she had not managed to brew as many potions this past year as the previous ones, and even Severus’  Hogwarts' potions had not been enough to support his parents through the year . 

Though 5 th year Severus now knew Mother had not used all the money he had been earning but had keep some back for her special cache. He did not think he would ever understand Mother. That summer, he had tried once more to get her to leave to the wizarding world with him. They were making enough money with their potions that she could have found a small place for herself. Without her husband to drink most of her hard won scrimping and savings away, she would have been able to make a living for herself. Her reaction had been so extreme he had never evoked the possibility again. He had thought she was clinging to her pride, refusing to leave the Muggle she had given up everything for. 

He knew better now, thought Severus bitterly. He knew but he did not understand.

Yet, this summer had also been very different from the previous one. Lily had been a constant presence by his side when he had ventured outside his brewing space to take a breath of fresh air in the park. 

The hostilities of the last two weeks of their third year had been a benediction for their friendship. Lily believed in the right of having your own political opinion and had disagreed openly with most  Gryffindors' attitude toward Lord Voldemort's supporters. She had kept reminding them they were only students and that it was no crime to have differences of opinion as long as it did not hurt anyone, but her protests had fallen into dea f ears. As a result, she had spent most of the last school week with Severus, Jonathan and Evan, and had even stayed in their train compartment during the ride back home. 

Summer had not broken this trend.  They had snatched moments together and talked as much as they used to. Lily had briefly broached the subject of his short temper but without the Marauders constant harassment, he  had been a lot better so she had quickly let the matter drop. 

Severus smiled wistfully as his next memory began unfolding. Their friendship had been tested that summer, and it had held. He had thought it would endure for years to come...

Severus was reading  the last July edition of the Daily Prophet he had received from Evan. An interview from Lord Voldemort was on the front page and his declarations were as provoking as they were true, from Severus point of view. However, he doubted everyone would see it this way, especially the idiot Gryffindors, with Black and Potter topping the list.

_ Shocking declaration from the loser of the last Minist _ _er_ _ of Magic election, Lord Voldemort:  
_ _ Lord Voldemort obviously took his close defeat as well as the following denied inquiry to heart. Today, he is toughening up his stance. _

_ Reporter: Lord Voldemort, your demand of inquiry concerning potential cheating during the votes was rejected by the Wizengamot, led by your former  _ _T_ _ ransfiguration professor. Does it feel like treason? _

_ Lord Voldemort: Of course it does. I thought Headmaster Dumbledore would plead in my favour as he knows I do not make accusations of this importance lightly. To me, it is the proof that the entire government is corrupted, the  _ _M_ _ inistry as well as the justice instances. The pro-Muggleborns movement which Minister Birkins represents has taken hold of many key positions in our government. They do not represent the majority of the wizarding population but they have the power to do what they want, even compromising an election. _

_ Reporter: Those are grave accusations. Do you have tangible  _ _proofs_ _? _

_Lord Voldemort:_ _I think the way the elections happened is proof enough. It shows that today Muggleborns cannot be trusted. Look at the actual ministry; they only care about their own sort. They know that Muggles are tormenting magical children but the muggleborn Minister doesn't want to act. I think they find it normal because of their upbringing. They were not taught like us that children are precious.  
_ _ Also, due to their upbringing, Muggleborns are afraid of creatures and want to exterminate them. They began by having them all register, they restricted their possibility of employment by having them tell their potential employer they are different without offering ways to compensate for this.  _

_ To save our way of life, our culture, and to protect our children, I propose to integrate Muggleborns to the wizarding world from birth by taking them from their family and having them adopted by a wizard family. You should know Muggleborns keep less and less contacts with the muggle world as they grow older. Moreover, I do not want to allow Half-bloods to be raised in the muggle world. Most of them are abused by their family and we can do nothing because of our laws and because of our pro-Muggleborn current ministry.  _

_ Honestly, I think we should look up to the old Purebloods lines as an example and learn from them. I myself descend from Slytherin and his story helped me clear my vision of our world. _

_ Reporter: You claim to descend from your own House founder. It is a claim that can bring you power if it is the truth. Do you have a family tapestry or Gringotts documents to prove it? _

_ Lord Voldemort: I will not tell you more for now, except that I possess a family heirloom as well as specific magical traits related to Salazar. _

_ Reporter: Obviously, I won't know more today, but you certainly aroused my curiosity. Thank you, Lord Voldemort, for your honest answers and for clearly caring about all wizard children. I think you gave our readers much food for thoughts. _

_ Lord Voldemort: It was my pleasure and I hope your readers will think  _ _about the_ _ information I gave them. _

_ This was the first interview from Lord Voldemort after his defeat. We are as eager to hear more from him as you, dear readers, must be after these declarations. Keep reading the Daily Prophet to know more soon. _

Lord Voldemort had deliberately amped his game to shock, provoke, and hopefully make the readers question the world they were living in. Of course, reflected Severus with a wry smile, many had taken his declarations without a grain of salt. Others had refused to have their little world shaken and had thus only remembered the most outrageous statement of the Lord. The younger Severus had been prepared for Lily to be angry at Lord Voldemort and she had not disappointed him. 

"Severus Snape!"

Severus winced internally, hearing the shout.

"Hello Lily. How are you this fine afternoon?"

"Do not play with me Sev. You supported this guy and now he's saying Muggleborns should be ripped from their family at birth. Who does he think he is? I told you he wanted to eliminate any wizard connections with Muggles. He wants us all to think that Wizards are better than Muggles. You'll see, soon he will propose to enslave Muggles to serve Wizards or worse! How can you support him?!"

Severus raised his hands in a gesture of appeasement.

"Come on Lily, you misread his words. Wait before shouting again, let me explain."

He took a deep breath, recollecting the speech he had worked on since he had read the interview to convince Lily of the  Lord's best intentions. 

"First, you need to know the real story of Salazar Slytherin in order to understand where his intentions come from."

Severus launched himself in the retelling of the founder's story as he had heard it in his first year, insisting on Salazar's reasoning for maintaining a distance between the two worlds. 

"You see Lily, I don't think the situation has changed much. We would not be burnt at stakes, but I'm sure we would be caged in a laboratory for mad scientists to experiment and dissect , " said Severus earnestly.

He needed her to understand and approve this.

"Let's be honest, Lily. Even the best  W izard would not last long on his own against several trained Muggles."

They did not even need to be trained. His father had disarmed Mother easily enough.  
He watched her intently while she digested the information in silence. She sighed and he felt his stomach drop.

"Sev, I can understand why it would appeal to you. I'm not totally oblivious, I know your home life is not perfect even if you never talk about it. But you must keep in  mind your case is not the rule. Look at me, my family is great with  M agic. I had Hogwarts' friends at home for the holidays and even spent time  at  theirs. Mum and Dad are proud of me."

"What about Petunia?" blurted Severus.

Lily frowned a little.

"Well, you know she's jealous because she does not have  M agic but she would never hurt me."

Severus did not say anything, recalling the times Lily had come crying because of  Petunia's jealousy . You did not need to hit someone to hurt  the m ,  he knew it all too well.

He knew it even better today. 

Watching this conversation, Severus wondered if Lily truly understood the stakes. She was a lucky Muggleborn, loved by her family, sorted in Gryffindor and well-liked by her teachers. She had lived a sheltered life. Clearly, she thought that her situation was the rule. If he showed her it was not the case... If he truly told her of his homelife… Would she consider being friends again? Would he be able to consider her his friend if she only pitied him? If she required him to bare his soul to accept him?

Severus pushed the thought aside as he focused back on the conversation taking place in his memory.

"The point is, Severus, that you cannot take a child from his family in the hypothetical case they will hurt him. Muggles cannot be guilty because of what their ancestors did. I also stand my point that it sounds  like Lord Voldemort wants to impose Slytherin's way of thinking to us."

Severus shrugged. 

"Why would it be so bad? At least, the children would be safe."

"Sev,” said Lily compassionately, “I agree something should be done to protect children hurt by their family, but not this way. I could not stand to live in a world like this."

"Lily, you know he was less extreme when he presented himself to the election. I think he wants to provoke people because of the cheating that happened and the Wizengamot ’s reaction. He only wants the best for the Wizarding  W orld and I'm sure he would be good for all of us."

Lily huffed. 

"He did not give any proof of this cheating."

"Because the inquiry was denied!" exclaimed Severus. 

Taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes. 

"Lily, you know I would never hurt you. And I would never support someone who would want to hurt you. Trust me on this."

She sighed. 

"I know you would not hurt me Sev, at least not on purpos e.  But he could be deceiving you, you know. Who says his last declarations are not what he really thinks?"

They remain in silence several minutes, each lost in thoughts. Severus had to admit Lily had a point. He had alre ady  wondered if Lord Voldemort could be aiming for even more conservative rules than taking muggleborns children from their blood family. But his friends’ families believed in the man and they were no fools, nor were they crazy Purebloods like the Blacks. Lucius and his father believed in Lord Voldemort too. And  so far,  Severus did not see how Lord Voldemort could be  worse for him than the current Minister.

Severus still agreed with his younger self. Merlin, he was even more convinced that the wizarding world needed Lord Voldemort. He had already implemented very important changes that had saved several children’s lives. 

Severus smiled sadly as Lily finally broke the silence in his memory. This time, she had been willing to trust him.

"Well,” said Lily. “Let's agree to disagree for now and we'll see how it goes, right?"

Severus smiled slightly. It was more than he had hoped for. 

"It's a deal."

Lily smiled back at him, making the sun shine brighter. 

"Now Severus. We need to talk about the Marauders. Don't scowl like this. You need to stay calm and to find another way to respond than cursing them with  D ark spells."

"I do not use  D ark  Magic, " protested Severus.

Lily looked at him pointedly. 

"I looked up the one spell I heard you say, Sev, the one which broke Sirius' arm, and it is classified as dark. Yes, you already explained about your  mother's teachings . I've had time to think about it and from what you explained to me, I am even more convinced  D ark spells should be outlawed. A magic which requires a sacrifice of any sort is not one I care for."

She paused , her green eyes full of fire, and Severus could not help but smile a little. When Lily was passionate about a subject, she committed herself totally to the argument and it was a sight to behold.

She glared at him. 

"Sev I'm serious! And what's worse, you could be expelled! You really need to find another way."

It had warmed Severus to see Lily worried about him being expelled from Hogwarts. They had spent the rest of the afternoon and their next meetings plotting about getting back to the Marauders. Nothing really conclusive had  come of it, except they had laughed a lot. For the first time, she had  invited  him to drive to London with her family to buy his school things and later to take the Hogwarts  E xpress but he had refused, knowing her parents would not ha ve  liked it. Still, the intention had made him happy.

Severus smiled wistfully. They had been able to talk through their disagreement and put their friendship first that summer. How had it changed in only two years? 

He had left for school feeling hopeful. Mother had once again hidden money in her cache and had taken on a few pounds, even if she was still too thin for his comfort. The train ride  had been peaceful. Lily had gone with her girl friends but he had not been disappointed. After this summer, their friendship had seemed stronger than ever and he  had been happy to see his other friends. Once again, he had not been able to accept their invitation to visit during summer, but their correspondence had done as much as Lily to make his summer bearable. He had talked with Jonathan and Evan about their respective summer, Lord Voldemort and everything they could think of. They  had not been disturbed except by the food trolley , seeing neither  hide nor  hair of the Marauders. 

Yes, Severus thought as a new memory washed over him, the train ride had been the calm before the storm …

The sorting had just ended. Students were waiting for the usual Headmaster's command to tuck in but to their surprise, he stood up with a grave face. 

"My dear students. My duty as Headmaster of your school is to warn you when I see a storm coming. It is my duty to warn you of dangers to come. I did not speak u p  last year because I hoped the problems I foresaw would disappear quietly. Alas, it was not to be , " Headmaster Dumbledore paused, looking over the silent assembly who  hung onto his every word.

Now that he was  outside the scene, Severus saw several older students frown while others had the beginning of a smile on their face, as if they had guessed what was coming. Indeed, he should have guessed too, except he had been too busy with Lily, his friends and his family to think about the long term consequences of the aftermath of the elections. He had still been naive, even if it was hard to imagine.

"The elections for Minister of Magic caused some... tensions in our world. I know some people, maybe some of you, did not understand the Wizengamot decision to reject the demand of inquiry from Lord Voldemort. I must admit I was opposed to this inquiry. Not because I thought it would uncover some imaginary cheating from Minister Birkins' side, but because I know Lord Voldemort. I was his  T ransfiguration professor the seven years he studied at Hogwarts. Yes, I once was a professor before becoming Headmaster,” he chuckled. “But let's not digress. I knew him by another name at the time, and I already knew he had a thirst for power and an ambition too important for the good of others. Lord Voldemort only wants power. He tried for Minister of Magic to obtain it more easily. Now that he has been thwarted, he is trying to cause  disruption by his cunning declarations and to obtain power by another way."

He paused again then looked directly toward the Slytherin table. 

"Please be careful in your choices, all of you but even more you who will graduate this year. I want you to know my door is always open for those who need advice. Thank you."

He sat back and immediately, the food appeared on the tables. 

The great hall remained  silent  a few seconds before coming to life as the Headmaster's speech slowly sank in — or was quickly  pushed away by most assumed Severus.

Slytherin was seething. The Headmaster had clearly made it known he considered the House to be a danger to the world when he had looked at them while saying the students needed to make the right choice. Notwithstanding the fact he had demeaned someone most of Slytherin had supported, he had painted a target on their back. Severus remembered the last two weeks of third year and groaned. Fourth year was heading downward to hell quickly.

Severus sneered at the memory-Dumbledore. He had known the Headmaster was biased toward Gryffindors when he always laughed at the  Marauders' antics , but he had not thought he despised Slytherin until that moment. It was confirmed to him later in the year.

Following Dumbledore's speech, tensions had r isen in school. Gryffindors had accused Slytherins of wanting pureblood supremacy while Slytherins had retaliated by saying Gryffindors were fool Muggle lovers and traitors to the wizarding world. It had quickly escalated into cruel  p ranks and fights on both sides. 

Lily, great admirer of Dumbledore that she was, had questioned Severus again. However, none of them had  been able to bring forward  new arguments or facts to sway the other and they had renewed their agreement of disagreeing for now. 

Sadly, both of their houses had beg u n pressuring them to forgo their friendship. Even Jonathan and Evan  had  told Severus that she was not good for him.

"Severus,” said Evan. “I know you've known her for a long time and that you have a crush on her — don't deny it, it's obvious and the only reason for you to be so blind about her — but let's face it mate. She almost never spent time with you last year, except for studying — a very Slytherin move if you ask me, keeping in touch just enough to get help from the best — and during the last week of school. She will let you down again as she already did before."

"Yes,” chimed in Jonathan. “You already told us she was bent on defending the Marauders, even when they are awful to you. Merlin, she is  friends with one of them! Mark our words, she will break your heart sooner rather than later."

Severus laughed bitterly. That she had. If only he had listened to them, maybe he would not hurt so much. But now was not the time for self-pity.

To their friends’ dismay, they had  held onto their friendship, seeing each other more regularly again, mainly in a corner of the Library  to avoid their peers' remarks. Even as the Marauders had focused on Slytherin as a whole, and Severus in particular,  Lily had defended him when she was present. Severus  had been pleased to observe that she had stopped saying the Marauders were just pranking him in good fun. He had admitted to himself that he was completely smitten with her, something he had refused to consider last year when she had been distancing herself. 

Severus smiled fondly at his next memory. One proof that Lily had cared for him once, and might only need time to accept his apology and be friends again.

“That’s enough Sev! Even if Potter had tranformed all your quills into dead worms, you have no right to talk to me this rudely!”

Severus held back a groan. He had not been sleeping well lately, turning and tossing in bed because his entire body ached for no reason. He was certain it could not be some kind of flu as he did not feel feverish. Though he was quite clumsy lately. Had he caught a weird magical sickness?

“Earth to Severus! Are you alright?” asked Lily, concerned as he stared back at her without answering.

“I’m perfectly fine!” snapped Severus irritably. 

That was not the right answer. He distantly admired Lily’ face as it became the shade of her hair, first sign of the rant to come. He felt a headache coming.

“I’m sorry Lily,” said Severus, “I’m just tired. I should not have taken it out on you.”

“You should not,” agreed Lily, mollified. “You didn’t sleep well? Did the other Slytherins bother you because of me?”

She was always so ready to blame his House. Even more now. Was she still able to see past the colours of his robes? They would still be friends if she had been sorted in another House than Gryffindor.

“They are no worse than your Gryffindors,” answered Severus, irritated. “No, it’s just that I can’t seem to find a position to sleep that doesn’t hurt.”

“How long have you been sick?” asked Lily, the last of her anger making place to concern.

“I’m not sick,” protested Severus. “I’m just… feeling under the weather. It will pass.”

Lily shook her head vigorously.

“You are not suffering uselessly when Madam Pomfrey can certainly help you.”

“I don’t need to go to the infirmary.”

He did not know why he was so adverse to the idea. Madam Pomfrey made no difference between the Houses. She was kind behind her no nonsense attitude. 

“As if I was giving you the choice,” answered Lily firmly. “Let’s go.”

He followed helplessly as she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the infirmary. 

The Matron was alone when they arrived, doing the inventory of her stocks.

“Hello Madam Pomfrey!” greeted Lily brightly.

“Hello Madam Pomfrey,” echoed Severus politely but with far less enthusiasm.

“Good morning Miss Evans, Mr. Snape,” greeted the Matron back as she closed her cupboard to face them. “How may I help you today?”

This was another reason he liked her. She had not immediately assumed that he had been into a fight and needed some wounds treated. 

“Severus is sick,” explained Lily. “He can’t sleep because his body hurts.”

He half expected her to laugh at Lily’s explanation, but she only nodded.

“I see. Please come here Mr. Snape, I need to measure your height and weight,” said Madam Pomfrey as she took a parchment from her desk. His medical file if he was not mistaken.

“Let’s see,” muttered the Matron as she cast her spells. “Oh my, you’ve grown quite a bit, and without putting much flesh on those bones.”

Her words were kinder than the few scarecrow insults tossed his way by Pettigrew and Black. He knew he was not good looking, going through puberty awkwardly when Potter was breezing through it, Quidditch star, muscles and all. How anyone could be in awe of the prat only for being good at flying a broom and throwing a ball into a circle was a mystery for Severus but scores of girls fawned over the guy.  
In contrast, Severus had grown taller and skinnier during the last months.

Madam Pomfrey alternated between taking notes and casting another few spells before turning to him with a smile. 

“I’ve got good and bad news, but mostly good news.”

He hoped he agreed with her.

“Bad news first,” said Lily firmly.

"There is such a thing as Patient-Healer confidentiality, Miss Evans," said Pomfrey with a pointed look.

It took a second for Lily to understand her meaning. 

"Of course Sev, I'm sorry, I can wait outside if you'd rather—"

"It's fine Lily," interrupted Severus. "It's mostly good news so I would share with you afterwards anyway," he added, looking at the Matron expectantly.

She was looking at them with a fond smile, obviously amused by their byplay. 

"Very well Mister Snape. The bad news is that I sadly cannot do much for your pains. You will have to bear with them stoically, for at least the two coming years if I'm not mistaken."

Severus and Lily shared an incredulous glance. How could she say she had mostly good news when Severus was going to suffer for two years?

"On the bright side, those pains should not bother you this entire time, they will come and go a few days at time. They are what we call growing pains. You are now on the median of your age group height chart when you were on its lower limit last year. You've grown up fast and your body is having trouble adjusting. I predict you will soon tower over me," finished Madam Pomfrey with a smile.

This was worth the pain. He had been among the smallest pupils of his year since first year and it would be nice to be the one who looked down on others. Already, he was the same height as Lily. He did not look like a midget following her. And she worried about him. It gave him hope she might be open to more than friendship between them. 

Severus shook his head at his younger self. So hopeful. So blind. He was pretty sure Lily had never seen him as more than a friend. But at least, she had cared.

"But why can't you give Sev some painkillers? At least to help him sleep!" pleaded Lily.

Madam Pomfrey smiled gently. 

"I understand that it's hard on your friend, Miss Evans, however, Mr. Snape's increased height is not the only cause of the pain. His magical core is also growing, and we must be very careful not to interfere with its growth. Growing pains are mainly a muggleborn affliction. Their Magic is stimulated by their lessons in Hogwarts as well as the constant contact with many other magical beings. Contrary to Purebloods who have been immersed in Magic since birth and thus have enabled a steady growth of their core, Muggleborns have seldom been in contact with other beings possessing Magic. Their core was isolated. When they come to Hogwarts, they have to make up for lost time. As Hogwarts years also correspond to puberty, the changes happening in their body can be too much too fast, thus the growing pains."

Lily frowned. 

"But I'm a Muggleborn and I've not experienced growing pains."

The Matron nodded. 

"Though they mostly affect Muggleborns, growing pains only concern a small number of them. Few studies have been published on the matter, and they have not established any rules about why one Muggleborn will experience growing pains while another won't."

He had been so focused on his future amazing height that he had not given much thought to the rest of Madam Pomfrey's explanation, reflected Severus. If he had to take a guess, he'd say that his advanced studying in several subjects as well as his intensive brewing had muscled up his core. Unless it had been the growing bond between his wand and himself? 

Not that this had been of much help in his fights against the Marauders. Starting in November that year, they had managed to always target him when he was on his own, without Lily or Jonathan and Evan. Despite his admittedly wide knowledge of curses and spells, he had been hard-pressed to defend himself with three on one, the cowardly Lupin standing guard for the teachers. 

He still did not know how they had done it , but he was certain they had found a way to know when he was alone and to locate him  then. It had not been a  spell on him because he had researched locating spells and their counters extensively. He had checked that no runes had been carved on his belongings even if he had doubted that Lupin would have had the nerves for it, and he was the only  M arauder to have taken the class with him. 

Severus sneered. Loath as he was to admit it, the only remaining possibilities were either a Potter or Black heirloom, or a spell they  had invented. Whatever they were using, it had led to a fight he would not forget, in February  of their fourth year.


	6. Arc I - Hogwarts - Occlumency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter betaed by the wonderful Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus grimaced as the memory began unfolding. It had been the day he had known with certainty that Dumbledore was not as good as everyone made him out to be.

Severus was hurrying from the arithmancy classroom. He had remained after class to ask some questions on how the day you collected one ingredient would influence a potion and if it could be enough to change the effects of the potion in major ways. Professor Vector had been delighted by his interest in a branch not explored by many. She had given him a list of books on the subject, even writing him a pass to the restricted section of the library. But now he was late for lunch and did not want to chance on the Marauders.

"Hoy Snivellus!"

He froze, seeing Potter appear in front of him. He furtively looked around, his stomach dropping when he spotted Black and Pettigrew behind him, and Lupin farther away obviously mounting the guard.

"So Snivellus, playing the teacher's pet to cover for your Dark practices?” drawled Potter. “You know Sirius has a lot of experience from his family recognizing Dark Wizards, and you stood out from the start."

"Dark magic is baaaad,” singsang Black. “Bad little snake. I am sure your Lord Voldemort likes that. You know my family is behind him... It’s the only proof I need to know he is a Dark Wizard. And so are you because you wanted him as Minister of Magic!"

"Oh yes,” snickered Pettigrew. “Snivellus should be taught not to use Dark spells, especially against us!"

"Indeed,” agreed Potter. “What would the Headmaster say?"

He paused then smirked. "What would beautiful Lily Evans say?"

Severus struggled to keep his head. The mention of Lily by pretentious Potter always made him lose his temper,it impaired his judgment and he made tactical errors.

This had not changed, thought Severus bitterly. Potter had been the instrument of the end of his friendship with Lily. He had no doubt the Marauder would do everything to keep her away from him. Potter seemed to have set his sights on Lily since their first ride to Hogwarts. Would they still be friends if the git had not attended Hogwarts with them? Or was Black the one who had pushed Potter to target Severus? Why couldn’t their friendship endure despite those two idiots’ efforts?

He grimaced as he focused his attention back on his memory.

"Soooooo,” said Black, “Where should we begin?"

Severus had just the time to cast a non-verbal Protego, making Black's Jellylegs charm rebound against a wall. He had reached the fifth year’s Defence Against the Dark Arts program at the end of summer and discovered the possibility of casting spells without saying them. He had immediately recognized the edge it would give him in his war against the Marauders and had practised as much as he was able to since the beginning of the year. Another bonus was that it would be harder to detect if he cast Dark spells and Lily would stop hounding him about stopping his study of the Dark Arts.

Not losing anytime, he fired a Bat-Bogey Hex toward Black and Pettigrew then a Tooth-Growing Spell on Potter while rolling toward him. Cries of pain told him his bats had found their target but he did not lose his concentration as Potter evaded his spell in a practised Quidditch move. Potter cast a sticking charm on him that found his left foot, limiting Severus movements.

The Marauders now circled him and fired diverse spells and charms on him, while Severus struggled to maintain his protective shield all around him.

Severus had noticed during classes that the power in his spells was not as great as some of his peers. Indeed, his control of the spells was always perfect but he did not manage as much intensity as Lily or Evan. He knew the Marauders also overpowered him, with the exception of Pettigrew. At first, he had only been concerned about his grades as the lack of power decreased them slightly but as months passed, he had realized it could impact his capacity to defend himself.

Fifth year Severus shook his head to himself. More than once, he had regretted that Mother had not bought his wand at Ollivanders. He still wondered if one day, he would be able to use his wand's whole potential. He would pass his OWLs practicals, but the price had been high. This fight had only been the beginning of his troubles with his wand.

Severus felt his shield shake as he desperately racked his brain to find a way out. Finally, he found a risky solution as he had to fire two spells that he had never tried non-verbally consecutively and quickly, but he could not let his three assailants know his intentions for it to work.  
He took a deep breath, focusing on the two spells and the results he wanted. He waited for a time when all three cast a spell together then, careful to control his spell intensity, cast Ascendio. He rose in the air surprising his three opponents as most did not care to learn to use this spell to fly, finding it useless when brooms existed. Severus was not able to do more than remain up in the air yet, but it was enough right now. While focusing on remaining in the air, he cast Deprimo, making his wand movement large enough to cover his three targets. The three Marauders fell on their knees under the pressure of the spell that was forcing them down, and struggled not to completely lie on the floor. Severus went back on the floor, surveying the now powerless Marauders who had lost grip of their wands under the pressure.

He was carefully escaping to the great hall when someone taller than him blocked his path.

The colourful dresses made Severus groan inside. The Headmaster was here, taking in the scene. Severus noticed Lupin just behind, trying to disappear inside a wall.

"Well Mr. Snape, if you would be so kind and lift the spell from your comrades," said Dumbledore genially, also a brief look into his eyes told Severus the Headmaster was not happy.

Of course he was not, thought Severus with a flicker of satisfaction as he watched the memory-Dumbledore. One lone slimy Slytherin had bested his golden boys. It must have stung the older man’s pride.

He reluctantly released them, keeping an eye on their movements.

The three Marauders made a show of standing back up with difficulty, recovered their wands then stood expectantly in front of the Headmaster, on the opposite side of Severus.

"May I ask what happened here?” asked Dumbledore in a deceptively mild tone.

"Headmaster,” began Potter, “we were going to the great hall when we crossed Snape. We exchanged a few words about Lord Voldemort and I think he didn't take it well because suddenly there was pressure and we could not remain standing. Then you arrived to save us," he ended with a big winning smile toward the Headmaster.

Dumbledore watched him a few moments before turning to Severus.

"Do you agree with this version Mr. Snape?"

Severus struggled not to explode at Potter’s blatant lies and tried to speak in a normal voice.

"I remained behind after class to talk to Professor Vector. I was hurrying to go to lunch when they blocked me. They attacked me relentlessly. I protected myself with a shield but I was getting tired. I tried this spell as a last resort and it worked. I was leaving for lunch when you arrived."

"Hmm... You should know, Mr. Snape, that Deprimo can cause serious damages on the human body if you put too much power into it."

He paused, looking him in the eyes. Severus clenched his fists. Once again, he was the accused when he had only been defending himself.

Suddenly, he felt a weird sensation in his head, a pressure that went on intensifying every second. He saw himself in the air casting the spell on the Marauders and caught a glance of another figure before the pressure was so painful he fought against it.

At once, the pressure vanished and he was looking at the Headmaster who was frowning slightly.

"Very well, I suppose we are lucky you are not very powerful Mr. Snape," said Dumbledore.

Severus reddened and heard the Marauders snicker.

"Do be aware this spell borders with the Dark Arts."

Severus sneered when he saw Black stuck out his chest at hearing the proof the Slytherin was a dark wizard. It did not matter that the spell was not on the Dark spells list of the Ministry. This list grew on every year. One day, only Lumos would be left to cast safely.

This was another reason why Lord Voldemort needed to become the next Ministry of Magic, reflected Severus as he watched the memory. Soon, Minister Birkins would only allow the blandest uses of Magic.

"Mr. Snape, it will be 20 points from Slytherin and two detentions with Mrs. McGonagall."

Severus sighed, defeated. Of course, detention with the stern professor for fighting with her lions.

"Misters Black, Potter and Pettigrew, it will be one detention with professor Slughorn."

Severus refrained a cry of injustice. Black and Potter were both in the Slughorn club, no doubt the detention would be light. Even if Slughorn now recognized Severus' talent in Potions, he was nowhere near the professor's favourites. Those were Potter and Lily.

"Now gentlemen, hurry to lunch before it ends, and no duelling please," said Dumbledore sternly.

The Marauders went quickly while Severus took his time, thinking about the pressure in his head and the pictures he had seen in these moments. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced it was Dumbledore he had seen in his mind. Why would he see the Headmaster in association with a memory he had not been part of? And why would he feel a pressure while remembering a memory?

Severus arrived at the slytherin table and quickly filled his plate. Then he took a piece of parchment and a pen, and got to the task of understanding this mystery.

At the end of his lunch, he had come up with a theory:

_What:_

  * _Pressure in the head + Memory of casting Deprimo + Pain_
  * _Memory vanished with the pain and pressure_
  * _Maybe figure of Dumbledore in the memory when he should not be there_



_When:_

  * _While talking with Dumbledore about the above memory_



_Who:_

  * _Dumbledore + me_
  * _Did not see the Marauders cast any spell_



_How:_

  * _Health problem unlikely_
  * _Result of a spell more probable_
  * _A spell exists to read minds?!_



_Why:_

  * _To check my version of the events?_
  * _Why only saw the end of the memory and not the Marauders' attacks?_
  * _Why not check Potter's too? did not noticed any discomfort on Potter's face during his false account of the story_



_Need to go to the library_

For once, Severus was in luck. He only had history classes with the ghost professor Binns and Potions with Slughorn. Being so advanced in Potions and learning History from the book Mother had bought him in first year, he decided to skip classes for once and go to the library instead. There, he consulted the books register that Madam Pince let him check unsupervised, a rare privilege. She was used to seeing him almost every day studying quietly and she knew he was always careful with her books. Since third year, she had given him access to the register which made it much easier to research a book than researching by shelves, especially when you were not sure of what you were looking for.

He quickly found several books on the magic of the minds. Riffling through them, he found out the art of reading minds was called Legilimency, and the art of defending against it Occlumency. Sadly, the books were not very informative, except to say those were difficult to learn and master. There was no clue on how it worked or how to learn it. They remained vague, saying Legilimency was considered invasive magic. There was even less information on Occlumency.

Frustrated, Severus remembered he had a pass to the restricted section from Professor Vector and immediately made use of it. There, after almost an hour, he found a treasure:  Occlumency, theory and practice .

Severus was excited but he knew he could not check the book out without arousing suspicions. He noted its references then impatiently waited for the next Hogsmead weekend to buy it. This felt too important to ignore, even if it meant Severus would send less money to Mother this month.

A few weeks later, he began studying Occlumency from this book amongst others. This one was apparently the most complete to understand and learn Occlumency but the others were necessary to understand the basis and added useful information on the link between Legilimency and Occlumency.

_Occlumency is commonly defined as the art of protecting one's mind. However, this definition only covers a part of the subject. It is more exact to say Occlumency is the art of mastering one's mind. When one masters Occlumency, he will notice an improvement of his memorizing capacities a well as of his deducing abilities. He will have better control of his feelings, meaning his tendencies to act on impulse will_ _diminish_ _. He will also be able to protect his mind from_ _L_ _egilimens, as well as from most nightmares. All this_ _stems_ _from the control of a Master Occlumens_ _over_ _his mind and memories._

_There are three main steps in learning Occlumency:_

_1: Finding your safe place  
_ _Two ways of finding your safe place are currently known.  
_ _For the first way, you must focus on a feeling of safety, clearing your mind of any other thoughts. When you manage it, a picture of your safe-place should naturally come to your mind. It can come two ways: either one place comes to the front and remains, or several places come successfully with one appearing several times. This one is your safe place, the one strongest attached to you feeling safe. It can take several months to find your safe-place this way, depending on your natural aptitude for Occlumency as well as on your past experiences. Most learners will in fact have a choice between two or three possible safe-places that their subconscious will propose. In this case, they must choose the one they consciously consider as safer.  
_ _The other way is usually quicker but more painful and riskier for the learner. You must try to focus on nothing while a legilimens_ _enters_ _your mind brutally enough to make your mind react and protect_ _itself_ _but not strongly enough to damage your mind.  
_ _The legilimens must repeat the attack several times consecutively for about 10 minutes, once a day and during two weeks at most. By then a picture should be present at the forefront of the learner's mind when he thinks of protecting his mind. This is his safe place. The safe-place is fundamental and you must not proceed to step 2 without being certain of it._

_2: Shaping your mind into your safe place  
_ _For now, your mind only assumes the form of your safe-place when you consciously think of safety. You must train it to remain into this shape all the time until it remains this way even when you do not think about it._

_3: Controlling your safe place  
_ _Once_ _your_ _mind is shaped, you need to learn to control it. First, you must be able to move into it at will. Then you will try to transform elements from it and to add_ _elements_ _to it a_ _t_ _will. Those are the keys in Occlumency, you must be able to add what you need to your safe-place at will, without deforming it.  
_ _When you have mastered these three steps, you should be able to delve into the more complex branches of Occlumency. Do not attempt anything before mastering the three steps above.  
_ _It should be noted Occlumency is a difficult subject that has seldom_ _been mastered_ _and that is successfully practised by few. Most Masters Occlumens were natural Occlumens. The surest way to know if you are a natural Occlumens is to have a legilimens try and enter your mind. If you feel the intrusion, you are most likely a natural Occlumens and should be able to succeed in your study of Occlumency. Most Occlumens can learn Legilimency too. For more information on_ _L_ _egilimens, see_ _ Legilimency, theory and practice  _ _._

The older Severus smiled. The fact he had felt Dumbledore in his mind meant he was a natural Occlumens and had given him even more drive to learn. He had read and practised every evening, cutting in on his advanced study time, but it had been worth it to thwart Dumbledore later, he thought darkly.  
He had told Lily about the incident with Dumbledore but she had not believed the Headmaster would breach the privacy of a student in this manner. He had been miffed by her disbelief and decided not to tell her about Occlumency and his learning of it.

Severus sighed. His observation of Lupin had finally born his fruits around spring and he had become convinced the Marauder was a Werewolf. It explained the monthly sickness as well as his disappearances for two or three days. Indeed, Werewolves transformed the three nights of the full moon and the transformation was painful. It left the subject weak and hurting in his bones the day after. Severus had also noticed the closer the full moon got, the more Lupin got emotional. The usually nice and cowardly guy almost grew teeth the days before his transformation.

Fifth year Severus shivered. Werewolf’s teeth were no laughing matter as he had discovered earlier in the year.

He had told Lily about his suspicion a little after she had refused to believe his accusation of Dumbledore. She had laughed and then gotten angry when he insisted. She had told him there was no way gentle and well-mannered Remus was a monster and she had accused him of wanting her to give up on her Gryffindor friends to have her for himself. Severus had been hurt because yes, he had begun watching Lupin out of jealousy but now he was friends with Lily again, he had wanted to warn her about the possible danger. She had even accused him of wanting to isolate her to make her want to support Lord Voldemort.

Fifth year Severus sighed again. Those had been her friends' words. The more they advanced into the year, the greater their peers’ pressure had been to end their friendship.  
Her friends had denigrated his looks, his poor clothes and his nasty temper while his own friends had told him again and again she would let him down when she grew weary of her crusade and joined the general Gryffindor opinion of Slytherin.

In reaction to Gryffindors’ taunting, Slytherins had begun using the word Mudblood regularly instead of Muggleborns. Jonathan had told him his family was using it a lot during summer and he had taken the habits with the Muggleborns he disliked. It had not helped Severus' case with Lily even if he himself did not use the word, and Evan and Jonathan were civil to Lily. Still, after he had told her about Lupin, she had distanced herself from him again, though she had kept on defending him against the Marauders and any Slytherin haters.

Meanwhile, the rivalry between the two Houses had increased every day. Pranks now were harmful and Mrs. Pomfrey had to heal at least one Gryffindor or Slytherin a day. Slytherin were losing points quicker than Gryffindor, mainly because during fights, they used borderline Dark spells that were frowned upon by the teachers, no matter that the light spells from the Gryffindors did as much damage. Moreover, it seemed to Severus that when caught, teachers believed the Gryffindors more than the Slytherins.

He sneered, thinking about Dumbledore favouritism that had showed more every day.

Rumours began about Slytherin being an all Purebloods house bent on conquering Mudbloods. That was false but as often happened with rumours, all Hogwarts was soon convinced of the fact. In truth, there were Muggleborns in Slytherin – and one Half-blood - but thanks to rule three, they had blended in by the Christmas of their first year. Those that did not were few and protected by rule four until their fourth year. Then, the house politics made sure they were miserable. Severus was only aware of two during his years at Hogwarts and both had transferred to Beauxbatons a few weeks after the beginning of their fourth year. He heard rumours one had left after being severely injured but he never got confirmation.

One could have thought Slytherin’s Muggleborns would be ostracized after Severus’ third year events. They would have been very wrong. All of them had been hurt by the muggle world and were the living proof that Lord Voldemort was needed. Severus did not think they were Slytherins by chance. The sorting hat had belonged to Gryffindor but been spelled by all the founders. Salazar had wanted them protected, as did Lord Voldemort’s faction.

Thus, during the summer after Lord Voldemort failed election, several Slytherin Purebloods led by Lord Abraxas Malfoy had decided to put into place an unofficial sponsorship for Slytherin’s Muggleborns and Half-bloods. According to Jonathan, many muttered they had waited far too long to implement it, waiting for a hypothetical agreement from the Ministry.

As per Slytherin fourth rule, the sponsorship would begin in their fourth year, if the student accepted the proposal of their sponsor. The younger years were considered wards of Slytherin and should come to any fourth year and above if help with their home situation was required.

Severus had been torn between disappointment at not being able to call for help as a younger year and relief that he did not have to choose whether to ask for help or not.

Severus nodded to himself. He had no idea how he would have reacted during the previous summers if he had been able to call for help against his father. How Mother would have reacted to other Wizards attacking her husband. Badly – he was sure. She had loved him still.

He pushed the thought aside. At least, he had been lucky to be among the first mentorees.


	7. Arc I - Hogwarts - Mentorship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter betaed by Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus smiled slightly, the memory of the first Hogsmead weekend of his fourth year washing over him. In the end, it had been for the best.

Jonathan, Evan and Severus were slowly making their way to Hogsmead, enjoying their first weekend out of the school grounds. They were both excited and anxious because the first sponsorship proposals would happen today, and they hoped Severus would have a good sponsor. One of the best. A Malfoy one.

Severus had tried not to get his hopes too high. While it was true Lucius and he kept a regular correspondence, Severus had not seen his blond mentor since first year and he had never met Lord Abraxas Malfoy. Severus knew Lord Malfoy held much power and influence in the wizarding world, thanks to his fortune and his political alliances as well as the longevity of the Malfoy linewho could trace back their ancestors to the time of the Founders. He doubted the Lord would have much interest for a low Half-blood though. Indeed, being a Half-blood was sometimes worse than being a Muggleborn because Mother had chosen a Muggle above a Wizard. Thankfully, nobody knew he was Eileen Prince’s offspring. No one knew the estranged daughter of the powerful Prince family had remained in England, his grand-parents having claimed she had escaped to an unknown exotic destination.

Thinking about it, it puzzled Severus that his grandparents had not found Eileen and forced her to leave Tobias. Jonathan had explained the Heads of House could locate any of their house members providing they were not too far away. Only rare spells could prevent members from being located by their Head and Severus knew Mother did not have the power required for those. It should have been easy to part her from Tobias. He could only suppose his grandparents knew where she was but betrayed by their own flesh and blood, chose to abandon her to her sorry life. They might not even know they had a Half-blood grandson. Sometimes he wondered if he should dare contact his grandparents but always abandoned the idea. The main reason was the Princes had an heir, the son of Mother’s brother. Older than him and pureblood to boot, Severus knew he could never hope to compete for his grandparents’ acceptance.

Pushing these depressing thoughts aside, he smiled slightly hearing his friends argue about the respective value of each potential sponsor he could be settled with – there was no way he could refuse an offer if he wanted to fit in Slytherin and he doubted any sponsor would not be worth having.

“Jonathan, don’t tell me you would rather have Severus with old Lord Rowle than with Lord Selwyn, known for his interest in potion making!” exclaimed Evan.

“Of course I do,” retorted Jonathan. “Think like the Slytherin you’re supposed to be Evan! Severus needs someone to guide him and help him in the wizarding world. He needs someone for him and Lord Rowle would be perfect, his children are pursuing careers in France and he is all alone in his mansion most of the year. Lord Selwyn is always preoccupied, looking for rare and new potions. He would work Severus like a slave and our friend would love it!”

“Well, when you put it like this, I must admit you have a point,” said Evan. Turning to Severus, he smiled maliciously. “So Severus, do you prefer taking care of an old man or being a slave making potions?

Raising an eyebrow, Severus answered with feigned condescension.

“Mr. Rosier, I do think you should take Mr. Wilkes' advice and think like a Slytherin. I highly doubt Lord Rowle needs a nursemaid, nor would I be disposed to become one. However, I am sure he would be delighted to teach you how to duel, especially when he hears how decrepit you think him to be.”

Smiling evilly, he added:

“I would be delighted to inform him as soon as I become his protégé.”

Eyes widening in horror, Evan grabbed his arm.

“Come on Severus, you would not do this if he asked you, right?”

“It depends, what would you give me?”

“You are evil.”

“You’re the one who forgets to watch his tongue.”

“Guys, we’re here!”

Jonathan interrupted their playful dispute as they arrived in front of their destination. The Procope had been chosen because it was not in the Hogsmeade area usually visited by the students and would offer more privacy to the Slytherins. It did not hurt that it was the oldest café of the town, owned by French proprietors whose discretion was legendary.

Severus entered the café alone. Only those needing a sponsor were to come. The inside was sparsely decorated but gave a feeling of elegance and history that made Severus very much aware of the poor state of his clothing. He had refused Evan’s offer to loan him dress clothes for the occasion because he wanted his sponsor to see him as he was at their first meeting. If he was honest with himself, he wanted to test the importance his future sponsor would give to his appearance.

Severus had no idea how the sponsors had chosen the student they would mentor. He supposed they had had access to every student school records and had asked other students about them but afterwards? Had the sponsors debated, fought over which student they wanted? Had he been a default choice?

None of this mattered, Severus reminded himself. He would get a mentor, be grateful for it and at least have some connection to the wizarding world. He would not get his hopes too high; his mentor was not here to adopt someone...

Snorting at himself for even thinking it, Severus gave the steward the password all mentored-to-be had been given the previous evening. He was led to a small room where other Slytherins were already waiting.

Severus almost frowned when he realized he had not known two of them were Muggleborns. Admittedly, they were seventh year he had almost no contact with but it irked him all the same. Knowing who were Muggleborns, Half-bloods and Purebloods from the most ancient Houses meant having at least a rough idea of someone’s standing in politics and economics. It also made it easier to guess which kind of favours to offer or ask for. He resolved to ask Evan for a lesson on the Purebloods families to refresh his memory. He did not get enough practice with using this kind of information, since he lived in the muggle world and only went to Diagon alley to get his school materials, but he needed to know this when he graduated. He could botch a job interview because he did not know what he should have.

Two more Slytherin students entered the room and then the door was locked from the outside.

Severus repressed his reflex to try and open it right away, noticing others twitching as well. They were ten, from fourth to seventh year. One in five Slytherins was a Muggleborn, a number which would have surprised many. Severus was sure neither the teachers nor the Headmaster realized it either.

Another door opened.

Severus recognized Jonathan’s father from their few encounters at King’s cross. The few times Mother had fetched him from the station, she had always waited for the last parent to be gone before showing herself and meeting him. She never accompanied him through the barrier when he took the train to Hogwarts at the beginning of September. She obviously did not want to be recognized by Wizards but was it for Severus’ benefit, her pride or her shame, he could not tell. On the contrary, his best friends’ parents were always waiting for them on the platform at the end of the school year so he had met them a few times. Jonathan and Evan must have warned them beforehand but they had never shown less than polite amiability toward him. He usually had to suppress pangs of jealousy on these occasions, thinking of his own parents.

Severus took a deep breath to focus his mind on the coming meeting as he walked with the other students and followed Mr. Wilkes in a bigger room where 10 people were waiting for them.

One immediately drew Severus attention because she was the only woman and made for a striking figure. She was not beautiful but the set of her face, her piercing green eyes so different from Lily’s as well as her rich dresses demanded attention. From his lessons with Jonathan and Evan, Severus recognized Lady Greengrass. History had it that a forest nymph had gifted the women of the family with beautiful eyes as green as trees’leaves in spring in return of a favour. Both Severus’ friends had confirmed all Greengrass women had indeed possessed green eyes for as long as anyone remembered, but Jonathan added jokingly that potions and spells to modify eyes colour existed.

She had a small smile playing on her lips as she watched the assembled students.

On her right stood Lord Selwyn and his cousin. Both wore the distinctive crest of their family on their chest and were scrutinizing each young face. It unnerved Severus but he smoothed his features and did not let his discomfort show—he had had a lot of practice after all. Next to them, seating in two small armchairs were Lord Fleamont and his brother. Both were renowned for their numerous travels that always ended with fruitful business deals for their family.

An elder wizard was seated in an imposing armchair on the left of Lady Greengrass. Although his hair was pure white, Lord Rowle sat regally and his eyes were full of life. The man was how Severus pictured his grandfather in his mind when he allowed himself to daydream about an unattainable life. He thought he would really not mind having him as a sponsor.

Then Lord Nott and his nephew stood against a wood pillar. Both were smiling slightly. The Nott family had Italian ancestors and ran a lucrative business with their family members that remained in Italy.

Severus fought with himself not to let his gaze falter on the man seated just before them. He would have known Lord Malfoy anywhere, Lucius being the spitting image of his father.

Severus looked at the last man standing and had to call on years of practice not to show his shock. The man stood regally with a slight coldness in his expression. He looked like Severus’ mother, except forhis eyes which were as black as Severus’. Augustus Prince, Severus’ grandfather, was here.

Severus made himself look back to Mr. Wilkes and tried to distract himself from his pounding heart.  
He noted the Blacks, though a renowned and ancient Slytherin House, were not represented and felt a weight he had not acknowledged lifting from his shoulders. He knew being sponsored by a Black would have meant more troubles with the marauders. He had also feared what their rumoured craziness—rumours that were too numerous not to be close to reality—would have meant for him.

All in all, the sponsors seemed well suited for their tasks and Severus was certain he could work with any of them. He just did not know if he would rather have Lord Malfoy or his grandfather as a sponsor, and what he would feel should he get neither of them.

Fifth year Severus remembered he had not yet begun his study of Occlumency which would have come in handy to help calm his frayed nerves and pounding heart. Back then, he had needed all his concentration not to show how having his grandfather close enough to touch had unsettled him. He could hardly think of a worst moment to make the man's acquaintance.

Mr. Wilkes waited for all the students to arrange themselves in front of the sponsors before speaking.

“Dear Slytherins. I am honoured to witness our meeting today, symbol of a new beginning for us. For too long we let Muggleborn fools handle Wizards’ matters and prevent us from doing what we should have. They are lucky because their family did not cast them aside when they showed magic. They are unlucky because they are blind to the misfortune of others like you. They are unlucky because they do not realize the muggle world has skewed their view of right and wrong, so much that they consider it normal for children to remain with a family that is dangerous to them. They are unlucky because even if their family loves them, they are different from them and do not realize how tenuous their situation in the muggle world is. We should have acted earlier but we had the hopes of acting with the agreement of the Ministry. We now know it is impossible. So we act now. Your mentor’s role is clear: at the very least, he will give you advice for your future career. At worst, he will protect you from muggle threats."

He paused, letting his gaze wander on the students listening avidly to his words. It was what Severus had hoped for. Looking surreptitiously toward the other students, he saw they had been hoping for the same as he and were not disappointed. It would not have been obvious to a non slytherin observer, but a slight uplift of a corner of the mouth, a spark in one’s eye, a hand moving, were signs he knew how to read.

Apparently satisfied with what he saw, Mr. Wilkes went on.

"Sponsors were first chosen for their capacity to help you. None of them were to currently have children at Hogwarts so that they can focus on you.”

Well, that explained the Blacks’ absence, though Severus. For once, having Black at school was a blessing. Of course, his younger brother Regulus was attending Hogwarts too. He at least had upheld the family tradition and been sorted into Slytherin. Severus did not know him well. The boy was two years younger than he, was shy and quiet for a Pureblood, and did not excel in classes.

“We tried to match you with the sponsor that seemed the best for you. You are always free to refuse a mentor. It will not be held against you. Even if you accept a mentor, you can end this association anytime. However, you will need to explain why, so that we may help you find a mentor who will be able to help you. Now, one at a time, the mentors will come forward and call for a student. If the student accepts the offer, they will go to a separate room in order to iron out the working of their relationship.”

He paused, looking at the students proudly.

“Do you have any questions?”

Severus shook his head, along with the others.

“Then let’s begin.”

Gallantry oblige, Lady Greengrass stepped forward to face the students first. She had chosen à seventh year who gladly accepted her mentorship offer and they went to a private room to sort out the details of their agreement.

Severus held his breath when his grandfather was next. The man took his time watching the students. His gaze sat on each of them, almost as if he had not made his choice yet. To Severus, it felt like Lord Prince’s gaze remained on him far longer than on the others but when the other seventh year was called forth, Severus dismissed the idea.

However, looking from outside the memory, Severus once again felt that his grandfather had looked at him for a long time. Could he have known? Severus did not look like Mother, except for his eyes. And if he had known his grandson's surname was Snape, he would have chosen him, right...? Unless the Prince really wanted nothing to do with Eileen and her progeny… Just another possible cause of heartbreak, so Severus shoved it aside.

After Lord Selwyn's brother chose a sixth year, Severus understood they were being called in chronological order, from seventh to fourth year. It meant he would be one of the last calls. From then on, time blurred with brief periods of relief when Lord Malfoy remained seated while another sponsor got up to call for a student.

At last, only Mr. Wilkes, Lord Malfoy and Severus remained.

Not daring to believe his chance yet, Severus felt his heart burst in his chest when Lord Abraxas Malfoy solemnly asked him if he accepted to be his sponsoree. Severus quickly accepted, feeling himself the luckiest Slytherin alive. After a quiet “well done” and a pat on the back from Mr. Wilkes, Severus followed Lord Malfoy into a private room.

Severus tried not to look too impressed and happy, but he had the feeling the older Slytherin was not fooled one second. Lord Malfoy—his Mentor, thought Severus with giddiness—sat on one old leather comfortable looking armchair and gestured for Severus to take the other one across the table.

Refreshments and pastries of all sorts were on the table and the young man felt his stomach rumble.  
He blushed but Lord Malfoy only smiled and told him to serve himself. Severus gratefully took some orange juice — he liked pumpkin juice well enough but nothing compared to fresh orange juice — and tried some chocolate _macaron_. He had never had those but recognized them from pictures Lily had shown him once. They were delicious and he thought his Mentor gave a faint nod of approval.

"Mr. Snape. I am glad you accepted my sponsorship offer. Therewas some debate about who was the best match for you and I prevailed in the end. My son is convinced you will make the Malfoys’ name proud. I followed his advice. Do not disappoint as it would trouble him greatly."

Severus took a gulp of orange juice to moisten his suddenly dry throat. The fool. He had not realized that having Lord Malfoy as his mentor could influence his friendship with Lucius.

“That being said, let me lay the rules for this sponsorship to work. Do not hesitate to add things you deem important."

He paused to let the words sink in. Severus nodded and he went on.

"My first use to you is to be a bridge between you and the wizarding world. Anything you need to know or do in the wizarding world, you come to me. If I can help you in your studies by providing some magical background, I will. In return, I expect you to do your best as a student and a Wizard, to uphold the Malfoys’ reputation. Of course, in time, this relationship may encompass other grounds more personal. However, never hesitate to call for me if you need help in the muggle world. I will be the one to take responsibilities for defending you, no matter the means I choose," explained Lord Malfoy. "Do you have any questions or remarks?"

"No sir. Those are good bases to build upon," answered Severus earnestly.

The Lord smiled and they shook hands sealing the deal.

Severus had been grateful to Lord Malfoy who had really invested himself in the sponsorship while still handling it with delicacy. He had taken the time to meet with Severus every Hogsmead weekend for an hour. The Lord had always asked Severus about his studies and his potion projects. The light of pride in the older man's eyes when Severus described his work had made Severus stand a little taller in his chair. Once, Lucius had joined them and they had spent the afternoon together. Severus could not help but think that it would have been perfect if Mother had been here too.

The Lord had broached the subject of Severus’ home life but had not insisted when Severus had avoided giving specifics. Lord Malfoy had only said that Severus was to call for him no matter the hour of the day if he needed help. He had also asked Severus to organize his holidays to be able to spend two weeks at Malfoy manor with the Malfoy family.

Severus had been unsure how he would manage it but had not dared say so to his sponsor.

The older Severus smiled wistfully. His sponsor had become more and more important to Severus since their first meeting. Now that Mother... Never mind that thought. Lord Malfoy was among the few people whose opinion Severus cared about.

It was during one of those Hogsmead weekends that Lord Malfoy had introduced him to Lord Voldemort.  
Severus had known that both Jonathan's and Evan's family were involved with the Lord and that during summer, they had all been working on devising strategies to capitalise on the discontent of many people caused by the lost election and refused inquiry.

His friends had told him they were working on making Lord Voldemort's campaign promises a reality despite the loss of the election. They had remained vague about this and he had not pushed. He had had enough on his plate not to be hurt by not being involved in a political project.

One Hogsmead week-end, he had joined Lord Malfoy dressed in his unique dress robes. They were a gift from his mentor for his birthday, in addition to a rare ingredients book. The robes were simple yet elegant, the fabric a green so dark it seemed black under certain lightning. The only embellishment bordered the robe sleeves edge. Snakes were embroidered in silver, encircling Severus wrists. They gave a faint glimmer when Severus moved his arms, a subtle way to catch attention or emphasize a point. He had made the effort to brew a potion that would clean all potions residue from his hair—it was tedious, time consuming, and required some expensive ingredients, which was why he rarely did it—and put his long hair in a sleek low ponytail. When he had looked at himself in the mirror, Severus had deemed himself passable, far better than his usual ugliness, and that would suffice.

He did not know why Lord Malfoy had told him to dress formally but he had no doubt he was in for an exciting day.

His Mentor led him once again to the Procope. Unlike sponsorship day, today they were admitted into the grandest private room of the café.

An assembly of Slytherins was comfortably sitting, with a lone figure in their centre.

The man was handsome. He had a commanding yet warm air to him. His eyes were sharp and seemed to take into every detail while the man carried on with his conversation. Severus was torn between envy and awe. This was someone he could follow.

Lily’s warnings resonated faintly into his mind but he paid them no heed.

Lord Voldemort observed him carefully while Lord Malfoy introduced him. Severus did not hear a word that was said, subjugated and in awe as he was by the Lord’s presence.

“I am so glad to finally meet you Severus.”

Lord Voldemort’s voice was precise and agreeable, with just a hint of warmth for Severus that emphasized his words.

“Abraxas praised you greatly, as did some of your year mates and above.”

Severus blushed at the praise. He was getting used to Lord Malfoy congratulating him but apart from him, adult recognition of his talent was few and far between.

“It is an honour to meet you as well my Lord,” managed to answer Severus.

“Come Severus, sit with me while I explain why you were brought to us today.”

The young man sat gingerly on the armchair across the Lord while Lord Malfoy took a place beside him.

“I waited for you to be better accustomed with your mentor before asking you to come to me. I did not want to assault you with too many changes.”

Fifth year Severus could not help but wonder if Lord Voldemort had wanted to have Lord Malfoy’s impressions on Severus before meeting him.

“I will be direct as I have heard you do not like people who beat around the bush."

Severus smiled to himself. In his opinion, one of Lord Voldemort’s greater assets was his ability to adapt to the person he was talking to, and in Severus’ case, to speak clearly without detour.

“We need you to help our cause. You know of my late elective program. You know my positions. I know you agree with them. I am planning to win the next Ministerial election. For this, I will need competent Wizards in key places. You are one of the most brilliant in your generation from what I am told. We will have a great need for you.”

He paused, looking Severus in the eyes. Severus had the fleeting impression of a feather against his Occlumency shield which vanished so quickly he thought he had dreamed it.

Looking at the memory, fifth year Severus saw Lord Voldemort frown slightly. He rewound the memory and again, the feathery sensation was present. Had Lord Voldemort tried to Legilimency him?

Why?

It was nothing like Dumbledore’s attack of his mind. Then, the headmaster had sought to watch his memories. Legilimency could be used more lightly, to gauge the mood of a person, to feel his general feeling at one precise moment. It was less intrusive and gave less information but it could still be a lot of help to stir a conversation one way or another.

He could not fault the Lord for wanting to check that Severus agreed with him, yet using Legilimency to do so was troubling.

Lord Voldemort spoke again.

“In the meantime, we still need to protect our children. We want to create a net to protect those who need it and punish those who dare attack magical children. Many have already agreed to join and look out for those Muggles who would attack underage Wizards. We will punish them so they will not dare attack us again. Of course, you cannot use your wand outside Hogwarts for now, but you would be provided with potions and other means of defence that leave no trace after use.”

Fourth year Severus could not be happier. They were taking steps to effectively protect children. And under the pretence of looking out for others, he could protect Mother and himself from his father without having to tell his mentor.

"We are putting into place a system to alert us when magical children are in trouble with muggle. We will then contact the more suited of us to deal with the situation. You should not be contacted unless it is an emergency and no one else is available.

Severus bristled. He was quite capable of defending a child against Muggles with the right weapons.

Lord Voldemort smiled and raised his hand to prevent Severus from talking.

"I have no doubt you are more than capable of handling a couple of Muggles. However, incidents happened. I do not want to take the risk of having one of you youngsters hurt by a Muggle. I also want to avoid you being pursued in the eventuality you need to resort to force to save the children. It might mean an expulsion from Hogwarts or a mark on your civil record which could prevent you from pursuing the career of your choice.”

Severus was awed. The Lord wanted to protect them. He wanted to protect Severus. Aside from his mentor, no adult had really cared. Even Mother only protected her son the days she felt like it.

Lord Voldemort then moved the conversation and the three of them made idle chat for a little while before Lord Malfoy excused Severus and himself.

Severus let the memory go. Lord Voldemort's cause was one worth fighting for. How could anyone deny it? If he had been born a few years later, Severus' life might have been very different, he surely would have been happier... Still a question would not leave him. Why had Lord Voldemort tried to use Legilimency on him?

Using Legilimency on someone without his agreement was an offence and could earn punishments from a fine to jail time. Of course, you had to be able to prove Legilimency had been used on you first, which was really difficult if you had encountered a skilled practitioner. However, even if it could not be proven, mere suspicion could break a reputation.

Slytherins believed in using every weapon available when needed and Severus had no objection about secretly using Legilimency on enemies. But Lord Voldemort and he were on the same side. They believed in the same cause. The Lord had had no need to try and influence him by using Legilimency.

Lily’s warnings resonated again faintly in his mind and for once, he did not dismiss them. Of course, few people went into politics without expecting important gain for themselves. Lord Voldemort should not be any different but the whole wizarding world would also reap many benefits from it. If the Lord did not have an ulterior motive…

Severus sighted. Why was everything so complicated? He needed to address this new concern, even if he was fairly certain he would quickly find a plausible explanation for what had happened.  
He abstractly thought he would have a killer headache when he was done, with so many thoughts, problems and emotions to deal with when he left the calm state of Occlumency but for now, he plunged on to the next memory.

It was Severus’ last meeting of the year with his mentor. They had been talking about Severus’ plan for the next year, the subjects he wanted to pursue in sixth year, the OWLS he was confident about and those he would need to focus on during fifth year to come out on top.

Truth be told, Severus was one of the best in his year, now that Transfiguration was more of a revision than discovery for him, unlike for his year mates. He was in the first half of the class, and improved his ranking with each new test. Professor McGonagall had even awarded him a rare praise on his exam’s answer to the difficulty of using transfigured objects and ingredients to perform magic, and the limitations it imposed. It was a point Severus had researched with great interest as he had wondered if he could use transfigured ingredients in potions without altering their properties. As usual, it had led him to study far more complex rules and to broaden his inquiry to all areas of Magic instead of potion only. He felt he had not wasted his time as it had deepened his understanding of magic and McGonagall's compliment had not hurt either.

He was first in Potions and Defence against the Dark Arts, and among the five firsts in Runes, Herbology, History of Magic, Charms and Care of Magical Creatures. Arithmancy was his worst subject with Transfiguration, mainly because he had not studied it as much as he needed. Between Transfiguration that still demanded more attention from him than his others subjects, the increase in homework because, explained the professors, “it was their year before the OWLS and they needed to prepare and get used to greater amount of workload”, his study of Occlumency, his spying of Lupin, his brewing for Mother, his studying of advanced spells and his research in potion and the Dark Arts, well… Severus had not been willing to sacrifice the limited free time that remained his to meet his mentor and enjoy his few friends’ company.

Arithmancy was easy enough if he focused on the professor’s lecture and read his notes on the day he had written them so he did not do more. He planned to use his summer to remedy this fact.

Lord Malfoy had been impressed… He even had this light that felt like pride in his eyes while looking at Severus.

“Severus. I admit when Lucius first told me about you, I believed he exaggerated your prowess and potential to give himself some importance. I realise I should trust my son to know better than that. I do not regret for one moment the decision I made to become your mentor. You have a sharp mind with a temper that you would do well to tamper. Mark my words; you have the making of a great wizard."

The man paused and Severus felt a dreaded “but” coming.

“Great wizards do not always make for great men. We are Slytherin. We learn about the world, the scheming, and the importance of all kinds of power at an early age. It does not mean we are not foolish sometimes. It does not mean we do not enjoy our life.”

Severus looked at Lord Malfoy, feeling a little lost. Why was his mentor telling him this?

His mentor sighed.

“I see you do not understand what I am telling you. Do not deny it,” he said with a small smile, “I can see it in your eyes. I know you have a hard life.”

He raised a hand to prevent Severus from speaking.

“I will not pry but know I will be here when you need me. I do not know the details. I know you are a Half-blood Slytherin. I hear how you despise your Headmaster in the way you say his name when in a private circle. You have suffered from his bias against all Slytherins. I will not excuse it. However, having a hard life does not exclude you from enjoying its small pleasures. In fact, you need to if you do not want to end up an old man addicted to power who does not care about anyone or anything but his own achievements.”

Severus though that sounded awfully like a description of Dumbledore and saw his Mentor smirked.

“Do you know what gives me joy every morning?”

“No, my Lord”, answered Severus, curious about where this conversation was going.

“Every morning, to go take my breakfast, I walk through the corridor that holds all the Malfoy’s line private portraits. This corridor is known only to family. They are not really portraits but paintings of everyday life. In one, an ancestor is playing with his Kneezle. In another, a Mother is watching her daughter play the piano with happiness and pride.”

He paused. Severus was hanging on his every word.

“The last one is my favourite. Lucius is one year old. My late wife is watching over him. Suddenly, he turns towards her and gives her a smile so bright it illuminates my day until the next one.”

The man looked at Severus, searching his face for something Severus did not know.

“Do you understand why I am telling you this Severus? Do you understand why I am sharing something so dear to me?”

No, Severus did not understand at all.

“You work so much that if Misters Wilkes and Rosier were not your friends, you would spend days without willingly spending time with people. You do not care much for people. You surely have reasons not to. But someone with an intellect such as yours must not forget what it means to care for others. You must not forget what it means to be happy because you made your friend laugh. Knowledge is not all there is to life, even if knowledge is power. Every power needs a balance, especially inside an individual.”

Was his Mentor worried that Severus was imbalanced? That he would turn out like Dumbledore?

Lord Malfoy sighed.

“Forgive my ramblings Severus. I see you do not get my point still. I think a more concrete example might be more understandable to you. You know Headmaster Dumbledore is biased against Slytherins. It was not always so. You have heard of Lord Grindelwald. "

Severus nodded, puzzled.

"Grindelwald first studied at Beauxbatons, as had every generation of his house. Contrary to Hogwarts, Beauxbatons has a Dark Arts course. It is an optional course, as can be Runes at Hogwarts. Students are heavily monitored because using the Dark Arts is walking a fine line between using them or them controlling you. It is easy to become addicted to the Dark Arts so the policy is very strict and students can be dismissed from the course if it is deemed too dangerous for them and others. Grindelwald was expelled from Beauxbatons for twisted use of the Dark Arts. He was accepted in Hogwarts for his seventh year and was sorted into Slytherin. After he graduated, he became friends with Dumbledore and for twenty years, both experimented with magic. For an unknown reason, they had a fall out. Grindelwald went to Russia where he built himself a fortress with the fortune he had inherited from his father. His aim was to break the statute of secrecy."

Severus gasped. He had only known Grindelwald was a Dark Wizard now imprisoned in his Russian fortress after having lost his duel against Dumbledore. He knew some people had died because of Grindelwald but it was very abstract.

"Grindelwald not only wanted to tell Muggles about us and our world, but he wanted Wizards to rule the muggle world as benevolent superior beings, a kind of paternalistic approach for the greater good of Muggles and Wizards as he said."

Lord Malfoy looked at Severus, seemingly pleased with the impact his words had in the young man, and asked.

"What do you think of Grindelwald's aim, aside from his attraction to the Dark Arts?"

Severus took a moment to organise his thoughts, trying to imagine himself into a world where Muggles knew about Wizards and were ruled by them.

"I don't think it would have worked in the long term. Muggles would either fear us or envy us, and in both cases, it means they would be against us. I think it would have turned into a war and I am not sure we would have won without taking many damages."

Lord Malfoy nodded approvingly.

“I agree with your assessment of the situation. During his trial, Grindelwald said he wanted to rule Muggles and Wizards to protect them from each other, but I think his methods would have had the opposite effect. Grindelwald was—and still is I think—a fine tactician in our world. However, he lacks understanding of the muggle world and he did not see the potential disaster of his approach.”

He paused, lost in thought.

"We, mentors, were chosen in part because of our knowledge of the muggle world compared to most Wizards."

Taking in Severus' dubious expression, he smirked.

“Yes, it can be a surprise from a Malfoy. I interested myself in the muggle world during Grindelwald's last years of machinations. At the time, I was undecided whether to invest in him or not. The Muggleborns I had met in Slytherin were much like you and had suffered a lot in their parents’ world. One had even lost a sister to it. But I had met others, notably a Ravenclaw who had blown my mind with his investigations into Magic and the research this questioning led him to. He told me his way of thinking came from his Muggle school and it made me realize Muggles were evolving from the horror stories I could hear at home. They could be quite intelligent and thus more dangerous to us than in past centuries. So, I travelled to Russia to meet Grindelwald. I learned he was taking advantage of the then current muggle World War Two to conduct experiments on Muggles and evaluate the effect potions and magic had on them. As a theoretical plan, it was very interesting. As a human one...”

The Lord paused briefly before talking again.

“I heard one of his experiments tell him he was no better than Hitler and that both of them would end up dead as befit evil men. I had never heard of Hitler but Grindelwald had and he was outraged. How did a mere Muggle dare compare the brilliance of Grindelwald’s strategy and experimentation with a murderous Muggle who had dumbly betrayed his ally and would thus lose what he had gained sooner rather than later?"

Severus shivered. His father seldom spoke of WWII except when he was drunk. He had once told his son that Hitler should have put Wizards in his camps instead of Jews, homosexuals and opponents, at least the man would have done one good thing in his life.

"You can imagine it made me think twice about allying myself with the man. I told him I would think again about it, came back home to gather more information about this Hitler and then firmly decided I wanted no association with Grindelwald."

Severus let out a breath he had not known he was holding; relieved his Mentor was as ethical as he believed him to be.

"This is an important lesson Severus. You need the most information you can gather to position yourself, least you end up on the side you wanted to oppose."

Lord Malfoy took a drink of red wine before speaking again.

"From then on, I learnt about Muggles, decided to know about this threat and act in consequence to protect our world."

He paused.

“Well, where was I with Grindelwald?”

"He had built a fortress in Russia and planned to take over the muggle world and have Wizards rule it," answered Severus eagerly.

The Lord smiled.

"It is reassuring I am not as boring as Binns, as Lucius sometimes says, if you remember this. So Grindelwald used tactical assassination and bribes to advance his cause. He also had to foil numerous assassination attempts on his own life. People were getting anxious and many said Grindelwald feared only Dumbledore. At the time, Dumbledore was professor of Transfiguration at Hogwarts and his reputation as one of the most powerful and knowledgeable Wizards of our time was growing. One day, Dumbledore went to Russia, duelled Grindelwald, won and had his former friend imprisoned in his own fortress. It brought Dumbledore fame and recognition even to this day."

Severus pondered all this information. What did it mean to win fame and glory by defeating a friend?

“Now Severus, here is what I wanted to explain to you. Grindelwald was a Slytherin, ambitious and cunning. He is the only living Dark Lord. Dumbledore gained a lot by defeating him. What could he gain from being associated with him?"

"Nothing," answered Severus.

"Exactly. Which is why he distanced himself, lauded Gryffindor bravery that had allowed him to win against the cunning of Grindelwald and debased without seeming to all that looked like Slytherin. He took great care of advocating everything that was the opposite of Grindelwald’s ideas, supporting Muggleborns in their quest for equality. It became especially true after his nomination as Headmaster of Hogwarts. He is the one who introduced the muggle study course. And since he became Headmaster, Slytherin’s reputation has declined steadily."

Severus' mentor sighed.

"It does not help that most of the Dark Wizards remembered in History were Slytherin. People focus on the facts that support their beliefs so they forget as easily that Merlin was a Slytherin. You are a Slytherin. You need to understand why this bias exists. You need to understand it in order to be able to change it.”

Severus stared at Lord Malfoy. His mentor was mad. Completely cracked.

An unexpected laugh shook him out of his stupor.

He had never seen Lord Malfoy laugh. The man smiled, smirked, or chuckled. He had never laughed in Severus' presence. It warmed Severus to see his mentor trust him enough not to control himself as rigidly as he did in public. It also hurt he was laughing at him.

He hesitated, waiting for Lord Malfoy to calm down before saying in a small but petulant voice.

“I do not understand.”

The Lord smiled gently.

“Our world needs Slytherins as much as it needs the other Houses. Because of past events, it is leery of us. It rejects those of us who are not influential enough. You cannot reject people without them rejecting you in return. The Wizarding world is creating what it is afraid of. This is why Lord Voldemort and his projects are so important. We need to stop the rejection. We need to accept that creatures exist and have the right to do so. We need to show the world that being ambitious does not mean we want to enslave the entire world at our feet. We need to make them understand that caution against Muggles is not hating them. We need to show them the world is not black and white.”

Lord Malfoy looked at Severus' dubious expression and smiled.

“I am old. And I digressed. You are young. You first need to find a reason to do what I told you. This is what I want you to remember.”

The conversation remained with Severus for a long time. Now and then, he thought about it but always ended up confused. Who in their right mind would try to hold out his hand to someone who rejected him? Why was balancing powers within yourself so important? Could he compare Grindelwald and Dumbledore's story with Lily and his?

As with creatures…

Fifth year Severus shivered. He knew what he wanted to do with Werewolves…

Sighting, he went on to the last shelf. The fifth year shelf.


	8. Arc I - Hogwarts - Showdowns at Spinner's End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful Betas, Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus stood in front of the shelf containing his fifth year memories. He knew he was stalling. The year had been trying, culminating today with the end of his friendship with Lily. Despite the distance offered by Occlumency from the brunt of his feelings, he knew it was not going to be a walk in the park.  
His hand lightly touched a vial, letting Mother’s face appear through the glass. She looked so frail. So different from his first years memories.

Steeling himself, he let the memories wash over him.

Severus was shocked when he arrived home this year. Mother had always been thin but now she looked like she could be blown away by a gust of wind. Her hair was unkempt and grey, her dress threadbare and full of holes. She had always been prideful about her appearance but now she looked like a vagabond.  
How she even managed to buy her food in this state, he could only guess it was because people already knew her and pitied her enough to grant her access despite her looks – and because she did pay for it.  
His father was home, already quite drunk and looking angrier than ever. He snarled at his son before stomping outside. Severus did not dare ask Mother what was going on, especially when she stared at him with unseeing blank eyes before retreating to her kitchen.

Instead, Severus threw himself into brewing as much as he could. He ate whatever Mother brought him in the laboratory, thus avoiding his father, and only went to bed when he feared making a fatal mistake because of exhaustion. Sometimes, he was unsure if he was brewing or only dreaming he was.

His greatest improvement this year was that he now managed to brew potions of mastery grade III level. Severus sold those easily despite not having his official mastery because there were always those who could not afford the price of the licensed potions. The license was a guarantee of the potions efficiency and more importantly of its safety. If a licensed potion did not do what it was supposed to or worse harmed you in any way, the healing care was paid by the potion master. It meant Potions Masters were heavily insured and paid a stiff sum for their insurance but Severus figured it was worth it. As he was unlicensed, Severus sold the potions for a cheaper price but the income was still far more than what he usually earned with simpler potions.

Severus noticed that most customers who ordered his potions level III were regulars. He supposed they had had enough experience with their potions to trust them with more complicated ones.

After only two weeks, Severus had earned more than he had before in a full summer of brewing. It became clear to him that a potion mastery, even at level III, allowed one to live comfortably. Of course, he would never be able to afford a grand life like most of the Purebloods. But if he was careful with his expenses, he would live a lot better than his parents ever had. If he attained Potions Mastery grade I…

Severus could not help but resent Mother for not trying to reach potion mastery level III. He knew that with some hard work and practice, she could have managed.

Severus smiled bitterly to himself. It had just been this past summer but it seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago. Only a few months ago, he had still been blind, thinking that Mother was too afraid of his father to realise that she had the means to escape him. Sadly, he knew better today.

Days passed in the Snape’s household, quiet but filled with tension. Severus felt as if time was suspended.  
He spent his time in the lab, Mother lived in her kitchen and his father was always drinking, outside with friends or in the house on the sofa completely ignoring his wife and son. He had not raised a hand to either of them since Severus’ return. Severus could not help but wonder if it was because he now feared his son or maybe he just no longer cared enough to even go to the trouble of hurting his family.

Severus worried the hitting had stopped because Mother was broken. Even though she had lost most of her fighting spirit in the last few years, Mother had still had some spark in her eyes, a remnant of her pride and stubbornness. Now, she wandered eerily in her kitchen, almost like a zombie. He felt on edge, as if something was bound to happen, to shatter the fragile balance the family had found.

One evening, as Severus was giving one last stir to his anti-vermin potion before setting his timer to wake him up eight hours later for the next step, he heard a great bang then silence. Severus held his breath. Quietly, he set the timer then silently opened the potion lab door. He closed it behind him as silently as before then soundlessly walked to the edge of the stairs leading down to the kitchen.

His father was shouting.

“You useless witch, why can’t you even serve me correctly without breaking anything!”

From his place, Severus could only see Mother cowering, glass fragments around her and red stain on her dress. Severus felt a second of panic before realizing it was the wine from the broken bottle.

“Where is your damned Prince’s pride now? Tell me! What good is your manners and your fucking magic if you can’t be a proper wife and give good healthy sons to your husband!”

Severus saw his father approach Mother, red in the face, swaying slightly on his feet. For once, he looked focused. Focused on Mother. Severus swallowed, his throat dry.

His father was on a rant.

“Look at you! Who could even want you when you look like that? I don’t even know why I’m still here with you, witch! I should leave right now, go far away from you and your abnormal son!”

Severus winced. The feeling was not new but it still hurt to hear his father talking about him so harshly. Mother was crying softly. She whispered something to her husband, looking at him pleadingly. It only made him angrier.

“You useless bitch! Don’t you dare tell me what I should or should not do! I should kill you! I could snap your ugly neck like I did your wand! Do you remember your wand?”

Severus stood frozen. His father had never threatened to kill Mother before. He had said that he should have drowned Severus or abandoned him on the street when he was still young. But never Mother.  
His father took another step, standing just above her. His face was an angry red. The vessels popped from his eyes, sure sign he was drunk.

Mother raised her hand in front of her face, as if to protect herself. She muttered something Severus once again did not hear. Whatever she said only enraged his father further. With a shout of rage, he took his wife's neck in his hands and began strangling her.  
  
Severus did not hesitate. He hurriedly made his way down the stairs and sprang towards his parents. Thanks to another yearly growth spurt, he now was as tall as his father. However, he was still very thin. On the contrary, despite all his drinking and not being in his prime anymore, his father was still in decent shape with lots of muscles on him. Severus knew he was physically no match for his father. He only managed to raise one fist before his father pushed him, making him fall on the floor.

“Stay out of it, freak! This is between your mother and me.”

Severus felt blood in his mouth. His father was a Muggle but he was still more frightening than Dumbledore. Severus never wore his wand on him when he was home, too afraid of his father getting his hands on it when his son was forbidden from using it to defend himself. Instead, he had found place to make a cache in his room. Memories of his talk with Lord Voldemort flew through his mind. Of course, he was able to protect children from mere Muggles. And Mother deserved protection as much as the muggleborn children. So, he would use magic to help her and he knew Lord Malfoy and Lord Voldemort would help him if the Ministry bothered him for underage magic.

Silently, he accioed his wand which flew right to his hand.

His father had let Mother go when he had pushed Severus. She had slid on the floor where she remained motionless except for some coughing fits.

Her husband was approaching her again when Severus got back to his feet, wand raised toward his father.

In his coldest voice, he said:

“Leave her alone or I will hurt you.”

His father laughed.

“I know you don't have the right to use magic on me. Your mother tried to reassure me by telling me all about the safety measures taken to protect normal people like me from freaks like you. You will go to the bad wizards’ prison if you hurt me with magic.”

He sneered.

“Even if you could, you don't have what it takes. You’re a weakling, like your mother, all almighty Prince that she claims to be.”

Severus focused on his mental potions lab, his safe space, letting his fear be absorbed by the cauldrons fumes. His wand did not shake.

“Things change. Some people are taking steps to protect children like me from their family. They are aware magic sometimes is the only way to defend ourselves. I belong to their group. They have planned ways for me to get away with using magic on you. I only need to lift my finger and one of them will come to take care of you.”

Severus' voice had sounded “dead serious” as he looked at his father straight in the eyes, willing him to believe his son and leave.

Abruptly, his father took a step back then another. Running, he left the house.

Severus' mind was blank. He did not think it was a good sign but he could hardly bring himself to care. Mother had managed to stand. She was still coughing. More importantly, she was looking at him as if she had never seen him before. She inclined her head once then slowly and silently went upstairs to his parents' room.

To this day, he did not know if she had been grateful or afraid of him. Or, if somehow he had broken the rules by winning against his father.

Severus shook his head to himself. Who was he kidding? She had been afraid that he had driven her husband away.

Pensively, Severus replayed the last scene of his memory, freezing it on his father’s flight. Had he truly managed to scare the man? Or had he unconsciously used a form of mind control to make his father obey Severus’ demand?

He supposed he would never know. He had no intention of ever seeing the man again.

Severus did not know how long he remained standing and staring at nothing, wand in hand, but one moment his body finally had enough and got him up the stairs, to his room and on his bed without him realizing it.

Idly, it reminded Severus of something he had read in one of his Occlumency books. Occlumens, especially naturals, sometimes locked a powerful feeling in a corner of their mind because they were not able to process it at the moment. It was very important that the Occlumens, once the crisis was over, took the time to process this feeling as soon as possible. If he did not, his magic and his mind would slowly alter until he became imbalanced, ultimately losing the control of his magic.

The thought managed to alarm him enough that he retreated into his safe place in search of a locked feeling, whatever it may look like. After looking through his laboratory thoroughly twice, Severus realized he had studiously avoided one little trapdoor in a dark corner. Steeling himself, he decisively walked to it, opened the trapdoor and reached for the lone little box that was in it.

Severus hesitated before slowly sitting on the floor. He put the box in his lap then gently opened it.

All at once, he was hit by a torrent of emotions that pressed him to the ground, writhing in pain. Anger at his father, fear of him, resentment, abandonment, fear for Mother, disgust for his genitor. Severus suddenly found himself surrounded by pulsing feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.

Instinctively, he reached for the comforting feelings his potions lab always gave him and quickly formed a wall of positive feelings to protect himself. It worked well enough he managed to breathe normally again.

Sighing against the huge task at hand, Severus focused on his anger at his father.

He acknowledged his father would only ever be his genitor, that he would never see past his son's powers. Severus admitted to himself he was not that surprised that his father had tried to kill Mother, only that she had done nothing to protect herself. Severus vowed to make her happy now that he was gone.  
For every feeling he faced, Severus felt the tempest abate a bit more. One by one, his feelings dissipated in his potions fumes and he knew they were under control for now.

Exhausted, he fell asleep until the next morning.

End of 5 th  year Severus groaned. Once he finished his trip down memory lane, he would need to check his trapdoor. He had relied heavily on Occlumency this year, without thinking of dispatching his locked down feelings. Had it played a role in this all mess? He did not think so, not as much as… everything else.

From then on, it was only Mother and Severus. The first few days, Severus lived in anticipation and fear of his father's return. Mother did not help. She went from moody to ecstatic in a couple of minutes, reproaching her son for his father's departure then praising him for defending her.

However, it soon became clear he would not be back anytime soon, after Mother received a letter from his father saying he was ashamed of himself and needed some time away to reflect on his past actions.

Severus saw Mother keep the letter, treating it with tender loving care, probably hoping this period of reflection would bring her back the man she had married a long time ago. Severus had no such illusion and was only relieved not to have to watch out for his father's fists this summer. Still, the letter calmed Mother. She seemed content and even hummed sometimes.

Severus was barely relaxing when one morning; he was woken up by a loud bang. His heart racing, his first thought was that his father was back and angry at being locked outside. Severus checked the time – already nine, he never slept that late. He frowned. Listening to the house noise confirmed that Mother was already up. She would not deny her husband entry.

Another bang made him jump from his bed. It was coming from his window.

Severus cautiously approached said window to see the most surprising sight. Lily was here, throwing pebbles to catch his attention just as she had done when they were younger.

She looked focused, angry, unsure and... scared?

Severus threw on a t-shirt and jeans and quickly descended the stairs. He kissed Mother good morning then went outside. There he found Lily muttering to herself, probably debating whether or not to throw another pebble or to try a bigger stone.

"Hello Lily," said Severus quietly.

Startled, she dropped her handful of stones.

"Hmm, hi Sev," she answered, almost sheepish. "So, I got your attention?”

Severus raised an eyebrow.

“With the noise you made, it's a wonder the entire town is not here wondering what's happening."

There. His answer was cool. She could not guess how hard his heart was beating from seeing her, how it had fluttered just hearing her say his nickname.

She blushed but held her head high, challenging.

"We need to talk."

She first needed to apologize, but he doubted she was here to do her “mea culpa” for their fight over Lupin.

"We do?" Severus asked, conveying as much disbelief as he could in his tone.

“Let's go to the park".

She took his hand without waiting for his answer and he let himself be led, enjoying her hand in his.  
They settled into their usual corner, Severus painfully squeezing his legs to fit into the narrow crook of their tree roots. It used to be big enough for them to have all sorts of adventures. Severus sighed, thinking about simpler times.

"What do you have to say in defence of the murder of the Muggle committed by your friends?"

"What?!"

Severus stared at her, his mind reeling. He had not known what to expect but this…

"Good, you were not in on the plans. I didn't think so but these days... Now you see how bad they are, you will agree to stop seeing them, right?"

"Wait Lily, I have no idea what you're talking about. Just... give me the story, facts, you know..."

Yes, facts were good. He needed facts. And some time to get his mind back from the shock of her accusation and her admission she believed him capable of killing. He had not been able to end his father despite all the hurt and pain he had caused him, why would he be able to do so with a stranger?

"You did not read the paper?"

Lily was looking at him expectantly.

"No, Jonathan or Evan sends me the interesting news from time to time."

"Interesting how they did not deem a murder important."

Severus felt his head flush. How dared she? But now a niggling doubt was making his way into his mind, twisting his stomach. What if…?

"Here."

She handed him the newspaper from two days ago. Severus sighed in relief internally. His friends just had not had the time to write about it yet, nothing to worry about. He felt ashamed of how her implication they were not trustworthy had made him question them immediately.

Severus read the news avidly:

_Escalation in the aggression of Muggles, one Muggle murdered with magic!_

_For the third time since the beginning of July, a Muggle was attacked with magic. While the other two_ _incidents of_ _aggression ended with bruises and a few broken bones, this time, the Muggle died. According to our sources, the spell used was Expulso. It projected the Muggle into a wall, the impact causing immediate death. It is unknown at the moment if the murder was intentional or self-defence. There either was no witness to the_ _incident_ _or they were all skilfully obliviated._

 _The common point_ _among_ _these three_ _incidents_ _is the rumours about the victims abusing a muggleborn wizard child. Considering this, we are hard pressed to know if we should condemn or applaud this vigilante._

_Anyway, it seems someone took Lord Voldemort seriously when he said the protection of muggleborn children was a high priority._

_When contacted, the Lord neither admitted nor denied being the instigator of these attacks. However, he said “I will not shed a tear_ _over_ _abusers_ _of_ _wizarding_ _children_ _. These attacks should not have happened because the Ministry should have protected the children much sooner, thus preventing the need for a violent intervention. I strongly encourage Minister Birkins to take active steps to protect every wizard child.”_

_Surprisingly, Minister Birkins did not wish to make any comment._

_Now we are asking you, dear reader: do you regret Lord Voldemort not being the Minister of Magic?_

Alright, thought Severus. It sounded a lot like Lord Voldemort's project. Especially if the rumours about the victims were true. The article did not mention the name of the victims of the abuse so he did not know if they were indeed Slytherins. But the Lord had not wanted to stop his protection at Slytherins so it might not matter. He needed to write to Evan as soon as possible... but he still owned no owl. As for the murder accusation...

Turning to Lily, Severus let some anger show in his eyes and spoke in a cold voice:

"Where have you seen that Lord Voldemort and his supporters murdered a Muggle? Even if they are the ones that killed this Muggle, according to the article, it was not intentional and most certainly could have have been in self-defence from a child abuser!"

He ended up almost shouting. Why was she so bent on seeing the worst in his friends?

Lily stared at him, looking so surprised it hurt. She had really thought this article was the proof she needed to... save him... from his friends? What world was she living in?

"Sev... They killed a Man. With magic. He could not even defend himself against it."

"He was hurting a wizard kid who could not defend himself either!"

"The kid should have told someone!"

"Maybe he finally did!"

They had both stood during this shouting match. Lily was red on the face, her eyes blazing. Severus was white in contrast, his fists clenched tightly.

"It's still no excuse to kill a man."

"What if it was the only way he would not do it again?"

The question hung in the air between them. Lily ran her hands through her hair, frustrated. Of course, thought Severus, how could she understand when she lived in a nice neighbourhood with a family that loved her, even if Petunia had a nasty tongue and a strong jealous streak?

"You cannot kill all of them."

"I know."

"You could call the police."

"For a Wizard?"

"Muggles are not idiots. It could end up in a witch hunt."

Severus sighed.

"If Lord Voldemort was Minister..."

Lily looked away.

"Why are you so sure it’s them?"

"Remus told me. I received his letter this morning."

Great, her new best friend had told her, no doubt implying derogatory things on Severus in the meantime. And if it was a letter, no doubt Potter and Black had had a hand in it too.

"Sirius overheard his parents. In truth, they were gloating and said next time, the Muggles deaths would be more painful."

Severus frowned.

“The Blacks are not with us.”

"They are with Lord Voldemort."

"I've never seen them or heard of them doing anything for the cause."

"I told you this Lord was not clean. Anyone working with the Blacks on a muggleborn project is evil..."

Severus was not fond of any Black, except maybe Regulus who seemed a nice boy from the few interactions Severus had had with him.

He had to admit he was shaken. But he reminded himself how quickly he had doubted his friends when Lily accused them of murder and there had been a perfectly good explanation. The Blacks' link to Lord Voldemort was only hearsay for now so he would reserve judgment but keep his eyes and ears open. The Lord might also want to keep an eye on the Blacks so they did not put his project in peril with their craziness and unpredictability, just because they felt the powerful house of Black should not be left out of the fun when there was a chance to hurt someone…

"Lily. You have no proof of anything, as you had no proof for the Muggle death. You cannot keep on accusing my friends of the worst things without evidence."

Lily huffed.

Sensing a tirade, Severus went for the kill.

"It's not like you did anything except ignore me when I told you Lupin is a Werewolf."

That stopped her cold. Lily had always prided herself for her sense of justice, of right and wrong. She could not object to him not acting on her words when she had not done anything in the same situation.

She sighed.

"Fine. But the day I find a damning proof... And it's still not right to kill a man."

Severus privately thought it was best to be able to if needed. He did not think one should go on a killing spree for fun but at times, being able to kill could save you a lot of heartache. Sadly, Severus was not sure he had the stomach for it. Even if he had thought about it, he had not been able to kill his father to protect Mother and himself. He had been able to plan it, knowing exactly how to do it so he would not get caught, but Severus had not been able to do it. He was scared he was too weak to take a life, even to save his own.  
Maybe... maybe he was thinking about this wrong. If he established guidelines for when it was acceptable to take a life… Guidelines whose conséquences on himself he would have examined in depth, from his peace of mind to the possible legal outcome… Yes, if he took the time to prepare and train himself, as he did in any other field… he’d be able to kill if necessary.  
This was the real disagreement between Lily and him, thought Severus as he contemplated the scene. She did not understand that sometimes, you needed to be ruthless to earn peace. She still thought the world was fair. If the ministry’s laws had been just and perfect for all, there would have been no need for this Muggle’s death. The child would have been taken away by the Aurors, and the man punished and obliviated. But it was not the case, and until then, you needed people like those vigilantes to act, even unlawfully.

After the drama, the end of summer went quietly, Mother and Severus often brewing together. They also began harvesting what potions ingredients they could in their little garden, be it magical or muggle. They had never dared do so before, for fear of Severus' father's wrath.

Severus excused himself to his Mentor, writing that Mother was sickly and needed him to take care of her and of the house. Lord Malfoy offered to house them both in his home where Mother would be followed by the Malfoy's family healer. Severus entertained the idea for two seconds before seeing Mother’s horrified look and declined as gracefully as he could the thoughtful gesture.

His Mentor did not insist but told him again that Severus could contact him whenever needed. It cheered Severus immensely.

Severus was content. His friends and his Mentor wrote to him, keeping him apprised of the wizarding world's important news. Lucius also wrote a few times, which pleased Severus immensely but he could have done without the letters' contents. Most were descriptions of how beautiful Narcissa Black was, how clever and perfect she was, how she had stolen his heart… Severus only remembered her vaguely. He had been careful not to be in her vicinity when he learned she was part of Blacks’ family. He wondered how Lucius could be in love with someone from this line.

Thanks to the potions level III sales, Severus did not need to spend all his days brewing. He was ecstatic when Mother allowed him to practice spells as long as he did so in the basement. He was grateful because his lack of power still worried him and he needed all the advantages he could get to compensate for this weakness.

Moreover, thanks to his father's departure, Severus had eaten enough this summer not to look emaciated but he was hit by yet another growth spurt that left his body sometimes lacking coordination. Severus had to minimize movements during his brewing to the maximum of his abilities. It also made him practice casting with the minimum of wand movements. He could not lose to the Marauders because his body would not obey his mind.

By the end of summer, he felt like he had mastered his body and non-verbal casting. Severus was already able to cast several spells non-verbally before, but now, every spell he knew verbally worked non-verbally and there was no difference in power between his verbal and non-verbal spells, charms and curses – power that he knew to be definitely below most of his classmates’. He planned to try wandless casting during the school year, but he feared he would not be powerful enough to manage.

Severus caught a few afternoons with Lily without her ranting on Lord Voldemort. Severus always found it easier to talk with Lily when they were home, far away from Hogwarts. They seemed to understand each other better simply by being here. He was more patient and she was more comprehensive. He knew they could never have had their talk about the murder at Hogwarts without one of them leaving in anger. While Severus was still walking on eggshells around her, their friendship felt better than he could have hoped after their fourth year.

The only bleak point for Severus was that sometimes, his father appeared in the corner of his mind potions laboratory, brandishing his fists but never approaching his son's cauldrons. The image as well as the feelings coming with it sometimes woke him in a cold sweet. Just after the incident, he would also freeze for no distinct reason after a sound had reminded him of his father. However, with each day passing, Severus' father disappeared a little more into the lab wall until one day; there were no traces of him anymore.

Once again, as Severus left for Hogwarts, he left all the remaining money from their brewing to Mother. If he still saved up by taking her old books and only purchasing those for his chosen options, he let himself be tempted into renewing his entire wardrobe. To be honest, after his latest growth spurt, his clothes were far too short. Most of them were already threadbare and one of his pants ripped off when he tried to magically lengthen it. Necessity made him buy two entire new sets of school clothes as well as one pair of jeans and one casual pant. He added three t-shirts, one shirt and underclothes to his purchases and also bought some dresses for Mother, unwilling to buy himself new clothes while she remained in rags. Of course, buying so much meant it was second hand but he took great pains to select clothes where that was not apparent.

In the train to King's cross station, Severus marvelled at how better he felt about the upcoming school year simply by not looking like a pauper.

It showed he still had had a lot to learn, thought Severus bitterly. How could he have still been so naive?


	9. Arc I - Hogwarts - Battle Lines Drawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful Betas, Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus shook his head at his memory self who was still unaware of what was coming.

Fifth year had begun relatively nicely for Severus. He had not needed to brew for mother this year, having earned enough for her this summer, so even while experimenting and studying for his OWLS, he had lots of free time.   
Severus had taken great pains to spend as much time with Jonathan and Evan as possible. It had felt like first year all over again and the three of them had relished time spent playing chess or gobstones, discussing politics, magic, or doing nothing.

Sadly for Severus, Lily had not been part of this idyllic picture. They had still been partnered in potions but had not done anything else together. She had not even wanted to study with him anymore.

Of course, Potter and his followers had delighted in remarking on this fact every time they had crossed paths. Only the fact that Lily had been as cold with them as with Severus had allowed him to ignore the taunts with nothing more than a few acerbic retorts – when it had not degenerated in to  free for all fights. But with Evan and Jonathan with him most of the time now that his schedule had been less full, those had been even fights, despite Severus' lack of power and even with Lupin joining in the fun. Lupin whom Lily was quite friendly with. But there had been no way the coward would have dared  play romantically in Potter’s  marked territory so... 

One memory washed over Severus and he smiled slightly. Lily’s unwillingness to spend time with him had had an unforeseen consequence for her. 

Severus was leaving the potions classroom, feeling quite bored but nonetheless pleased with the O he had received for his essay on the possible uses of Asphodel. He could do any school level practical with his eyes closed, he had brewed them so many times for Mother. He usually finished far before the others, even Lily. As she refused to broach other subjects than potion s during class, and  then only when her potion was finished, it le f t him with time to do his homework. Not really challenging but on an OWL year it might be for the best. 

He heard his friends laugh behind him and turned to ask what they found so funny. Jonathan looked a bit uncomfortable but Evan gestured toward the front of the class. 

A visibly upset Lily was talking with Slughorn.

“I am sorry my dear. You know an E is a good grade," his Head of House was saying, trying to comfort his favourite student. 

"Your essay was not as insightful as they usually are. I had already noted it on your two previous ones but chalked it up to the amount of homework that we give you compared to the years before. However, this essay really is below your usual standard."

Lily looked even more upset, her green eyes getting teary.

"Miss Evans, do not put so much pressure on yourself so early in the year,” continued Slughorn, patting her shoulder lightly. “It is nothing to worry about, you just need to get used to the workload.”

"Seems like super Lily is not so clever without her personal genius,” said Evan gleefully.

Severus was torn between defending Lily's brilliance and a feeling of revenge that made him feel quite happy. 

He said nothing, merely shrugging his shoulders. 

“I heard her Transfiguration marks dropped too. She only got an A at her last essay,” added Evan.

“But Severus must be the only one with Potter whose marks have not dropped in Transfiguration this year,” said Jonathan.  “I think you got an A too Evan,” he added with a pointed look.

“True but I never claimed to be Mister perfect prefect Evan Rosier whereas Evans did!” shot back Evan. “And what you did not say is that Severus is the only one whose marks in Transfiguration steadily improved from first to fifth year, Severus earning his first O with his last essay!” he exclaimed.

Severus blushed. Years of meticulous studies and Lucius’ advice had finally paid off. McGonagall was now teaching the more complex transfiguration theories he had had to study in his younger years to understand the easier transformations his fellow students had managed without knowing the full theory. He merely shrugged again, and the three of them walked to the next class, Evan whistling a happy air, Jonathan a small smile on his face and Severus a slight smirk at the corner of his mouth.

If Severus had been the uncontested Potion king among the fifth years—and above according to Evan—, as the days had gone on, he had become more and more worried about the courses requiring spell work. Herbology and Arithmancy had been no problem as it was the skill and delicacy with which you used the spell that mattered more than brute force. In most cases, blindly pushing power in a spell applied to these fields would actually  spell destruction. But Transfiguration, Defence against the Dark Arts, Charms and even Runes had been becoming a problem. Severus’ spell work had been among the weakest when he had still been average last year. Thanks to his understanding of Transfiguration laws and the amount of work he had always put into this course, he had still managed to perform as well as most of his classmates. But power had been essential for the rest. Worse, the Marauders had noticed and he had had to use every ounce of his spells knowledge during their many skirmishes.  
Severus had been pretty sure the problem was his wand. He had wondered at Mother’s wisdom to buy her son a wand which would only work fully if said son faced death sometime in his life. Severus had yet to be on the receiving end of an Avada Kedavra and had not foreseen a future when he would have to.

Severus snorted to himself. He had been quite unimaginative when he had only thought of Avada Kedavra as a possible cause of death. There were so many more possibilities as he had learnt only a few months ago.  
Back then, he had wondered if his incapacity to kill his father had been considered a failure by his wand, as facing death might mean being able to give it. Wandlore was as obscure as prophecies sometimes, though the latter had to be if the frauds uttering them were to have the hope of being believed by at least a few  credulous idiots. 

Severus had hoped to circumvent his wand’s shortcoming by mastering wandless casting but so far, none of the spells he had tried worked. Worse, he had had the feeling his wand casting had been weaker after such training sessions.   
It had been even more depressing because Severus had been confident he could cast wandlessly, having already done it once when he had accioed his wand to defend Mother against his father. 

Now he wondered if the Accio had only worked because he had been bonded to his wand—though how you could be bonded to your wand without it obeying you had left him perplexed. Why had they not gone to Ollivanders?

So many questions, so few answers... Severus had been eager to begin an Apprenticeship and hopefully go into research... if only he passed his OWLS practicals...

Severus sighed. Watching his past self, OWLS practicals seemed trivial now. It was still very important for his future but paled  when compared to the other events of this year.

The return to school had seemed quieter to Severus than the past year but by October, he had realized it had only been the calm of the students not being used to the amount of homework they had been given.   
Too soon, Gryffindors and Slytherins had been fighting covert battles again. Most had been under the pretence of pranks but while the first ones had been benign, it had quickly escalated to humiliating and potentially dangerous  incidents .   
Jonathan had once overheard Pomfrey complain to Dumbledore about never having healed so many wounded during a school year before. Dumbledore had only answered they were getting ready for the outside world which was getting tougher. 

Severus had been dismayed when after a Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin that had ended with both teams in the infirmary with broken bones, Dumbledore had only given two weeks of detention to the teams. The worst part had been that the Gryffindor team had taunted the Slytherins about only doing homework during their detentions while the Slytherins had been cleaning the Dungeons using toothbrushes and without magic.   
It might not have been true. McGonagall had been enraged with her team. But she had also looked  cross  with the Headmaster. 

In retribution, all the brooms of the Gryffindor Quidditch team had been burned to ashes. There had been no witnesses. No student had known how such a feat was possible—except by using powerful Dark Arts if you listened to the rumours. Everyone had known Slytherins had been responsible. No one had been punished. The tension had grown unbearable.

Severus groaned, seeing a new memory unfold. He remembered this one. It had caused a rift in Slytherin which was yet to mend. Or had it only revealed it?

Severus was going back to his dorm, alone for once. Evan and Jonathan were in the infirmary as well as two of the Marauders. 

He grimaced. Evan had been hit by a spell while defending Severus because he had been unable to maintain a good Protego. 

He was frantically establishing a research plan, wondering if he should ask Lord Malfoy for help with his spells power, when he stumbled upon the fight.   
Well, not much of a fight to be honest. Two sixth years Gryffindors were threatening three Slytherins second years. No, corrected Severus. Two second years Slytherins, Beaulieux and Archard, and one Hufflepuff he did not know but who looked to be the same age as the other two.

The two Slytherins pressed themselves tight against the wall under the wand of one Gryffindor while the Hufflepuff was cornered by the second one.

"Why are you conspiring with the enemy, Hickman? We thought you were a Muggleborn but you spend a lot of time with sneaky snakes," the second Gryffindor—Thornby, Pureblood from a low house, aligned with the Potters, supplied Severus' memory—was saying.

"They don’t care,” answered the Hufflepuff—Hickman—, “and Archard is a Muggleborn too.”

"What lies are you trying to sell?" said the other Gryffindor—Briggs, Muggleborn or New Pureblood, meaning he did not belong to any recognized House like the Malfoy or the Potter—furiously agitating his wand in the direction of the two Slytherins. “There are no Muggleborn in Slytherin."

"We ought to show you what happens to little liars like you," added Thornby.

Severus did not like what he was hearing. The situation felt like it could go wrong any moment. On the other hand, his wand had failed him mere minutes ago. Could he take the risk to involve himself?  
He could find another Slytherin... and reveal his weakness even more than he had to for classes. or bring one—cunningly—to the place of the fight.... but it would take time. Those were lower years, protected by Slytherin's fourth rule… And wasn’t Beaulieux an ally of the Malfoy’s House? Still, at worst they would know a little humiliation and survive—like he had since... forever he thought bitterly. They would not be hurt like upper years could be, surely the Gryffindors would not debase themselves by hurting someone weaker... Right he snorted in his head.

Severus was thinking so furiously he almost missed Hickman’s reply.

"He did not lie to me. We've known each other since we're six. We were together during primary school. We both went to a muggle primary school," he added, looking at Thornby challengingly though his hands were shaking a little. 

A Hufflepuff who could have been sorted in Gryffindor thought Severus. So brave and...

"You dare defy me over a snake?” laughed Thornby. “In this case, you can share their fate."

So stupid to anger someone stronger. Severus had no choice anymore, he knew it. They were remaining friends despite their differences. Oh Lily, he thought sadly. But now was not the time. May his wand work this time. He should look up if Thestrals had a god, to know to whom address his prayers.

"Good afternoon Thornby, Briggs," drawled Severus, walking on the scene but taking great care to place himself where he could see the two bullies. “Daring to threaten midgets now? How courageous of you."

Briggs swirled toward him, wand drawn.  
"Snape."

Severus raised an eyebrow.  
“How astute of you. You should have been a Raven."

Watching surreptitiously the younger Slytherins, he smirked.

"Or maybe not."

The Gryffindor frowned, uncomprehending, before falling, his legs caught by the Locomotor Mortis of the smaller Slytherins.  
At the same time, Severus was non-verbally casting his own spell on Thornby, focusing on the spell working for the sake of  all four of them.

Thankfully, his wand worked beautifully and Thornby fell too, the Petrificus Totalus immobilizing him completely. Scowling, Severus cast the spell on Briggs too then made a shooing motion to the three younger students. They ran away, Archard silently mouthing a thank, the others inclining their head briefly.

Severus watched his memory-self sadly. Though his clothes were not worn, his gangly body coupled with his big nose and greasy hair that obscured his face, only showing a scowl and black eyes, made him look like a scarecrow. He needed to listen to Jonathan about styling himself more carefully, if only to secure his future. Appearances were important in Slytherin. And everywhere else in the world, added a gleeful voice that sounded suspiciously like Evan’s.

The evening after the incident, a House meeting was organized in Slytherin's common room.  
Years fourth to seventh only were present.

House meetings were rare. There was one the night of the welcoming feast to welcome the first years and explain Slytherin's rules. There was one at the end of the school year. There had been one in his third year after Lord Voldemort's defeat but only for fourth years and above. There had been one at the beginning of his fourth year to explain the sponsorship program for Muggleborns. That was all he could remember.

The prefects had organized the common room as well as made sure all the younger years were in their dorms.   
Severus, Evan and Jonathan took seats in the back. There were no comfortable armchairs, only seats which would not hurt your backside but prevent you from falling asleep.  
While Jonathan and Evan were wondering about the subject of the meeting, Severus watched with interest as the six prefects each waved their wand in complicated patterns in front of several paintings and sculptures.   
All at once, he felt magic around him as a blue dome spread itself to cover the whole common room. The dome faded slowly but the sensation of magic remained. 

Severus watched the prefects position themselves to virtually surround all the students. Then Connor McDougall came in front of the assembly and silence fell.

McDougall was the current king of Slytherin. The title was not official; there had been no crowning ceremony. However, he was the most influential boy in Slytherin. Lucius had also been king in his time.  
You could become king from fourth year. You knew you were the king when your advice and opinion became the law. Slytherin also had his queen, following the same rule as the king. Differences of opinion between queen and king were messy. When it happened on a highly political subject, it ended by a change in king or queen, depending on the victor.

Severus had not had any contact with the king except for a few words here and there. They were not in the same year, McDougall was good enough in Potions not to need Severus’ advice and Severus himself was not a social bee. His contacts were mostly with Jonathan and Evan and he liked it that way, although he did talk with other Slytherins and accepted the usual exchange of favours—it usually involved some Potions tutoring or brewing from his part.

The current queen, Elle Doge, was seated near the front. It seemed she was letting McDougall represent them both.

"Dear fellow Slytherin,” began the king, voice calm but strong. “We are meeting tonight to discuss the action we shall take in retaliation for the attack on two of our second years by sixth years Gryffindors."

A whisper of outrage rose from the students. Who had dared attack the young ones?

McDougall held his hand, requesting silence. The noise subsided but looking around, Severus saw faces were set. 

"No injuries were suffered by ours, thanks to Snape's timely intervention," he continued, bowing his head slightly to Severus. Severus bowed back, feeling his face warm. 

Students were turning to look at him and congratulate him. Jonathan's and Evan's face were interrogative. He sighed internally. He had not told them because it was inconsequential to him. Though he should have thought of the possible deeper implications for his House.

"Aggressions toward Slytherin House's younger years are few but not unprecedented,” continued McDougall, calling his public attention back to him. “Slytherin's rules are only ours, and while upper years seldom bother with the younger ones, it did happen before. The attackers have always been dealt with quickly and swiftly."

He paused briefly, watching all the Slytherins. 

"However, this attack happened during the climate of tension we all live in lately. The aim of the attack was clearly to hurt a Pureblood. An evil Pureblood. A Slytherin Pureblood. It did not even matter that one of the victims was a Muggleborn." 

He shook his head, sadly. "I fear this aggression is only the beginning."

Letting his gaze wander around the common room, meeting gazes, observing faces, he raised his voice.

"It is one thing to fight those of us who know how to defend ourselves and give back as much as we get. It is another to target our snakelings. Tonight, we will decide how to answer this attack."

McDougall paused, letting the cheers from the crowd grow. Meanwhile, Doge had risen. She came next to him and with a flourish of her wand, the both of them were standing on a dais. They were ready to debate.

The first one to speak was Beaulieux's elder brother, a fourth year Severus had noticed for being friends with Regulus Black, although the Black’s second son was a year younger than Beaulieux.

“We need to do something drastic so the other Houses will not be tempted to attack our youngest again.

We all know the teachers won’t interfere, especially with Dumbledore’s bias against us. We all know the fights between us and the other Houses, especially Gryffindor, are getting serious. The younger years cannot get involved if we do not want some serious injuries.”

There were murmurs of assent in the crowd. People were nodding in agreement. 

“I agree with Beaulieux,” said Grant, an energetic sixth year from the Quidditch team. “The two Gryffindors responsible for the attack must suffer an exemplary punishment that will send a message to all the upper years. I already worked on a few proposals with the rest of the team.”

Grant  proposed several ideas  for revenge that impressed Severus enough he took notes in his head for future use on the Marauders. Other Slytherins spoke to refine the plan before it was submitted to a show of hands that unanimously adopted the plan. People were chosen for different parts of the plan; the schedule was frozen. An hour after the beginning of the meeting, the Slytherin's revenge was plotted.

Severus thought it would be the end of the meeting but to his surprise, the queen stood up after the plan was done.

“Dear Slytherins,” began Doge, her voice agreeably modulated. “Another question has been brought to us,” she gestured between McDougall and herself. “Should we demean ourselves to the other Houses level and prey on their younger years?”

Severus was shocked. When Lucius had told Slytherin’s fourth rules in his first year, he had only said that “first, second and third years are not to be involved in political games and alliances.” In their day to day life, it meant younger years were considered like children who should be protected, be it physically, or mentally. It also was not restricted to Slytherin’s youngest. Well until tonight.

“I do not see why we should respect their youngsters when they attack ours,” said Mulciber belligerently. “I think it would send the message we can be as bad as they are.”

Severus frowned. He was not fond of Mulciber whom he found too rough and cruelly lacking subtlety. The guy although reminded him too much of Potter, with his group of friends who were just not stupid enough to call themselves Marauders. His only redeemable quality was he had never bothered Severus or his friends. That might only be because of Severus’ friendship with Lucius but Severus had not noticed any bullying toward other Slytherins. A little like the Marauders did not harass other Gryffindors, a little voice said in his head.

Severus disliked the idea of attacking younger years. It felt too much like bullying for his liking and he did not think it would improve Slytherin’s reputation.

Jonathan clearly agreed with Severus because he spoke firmly. 

“I do not think we need to break Slytherin’s rule. Our plan should send a strong warning to the other Houses and  our not attacking the little ones will strengthen our position and make us the good guys.”

“As long as Dumbledore is Headmaster, we will never be the good guys,” answered Mulciber.

“True,” said Breamont, a seventh year Severus has brewed for several times in exchange for some rare and exotic flowers his family grew in their domain. “I think we need to be as ruthless as they are. We can never do anything right in their eyes anyway.”

For two hours, arguments went back and forth, neither side giving way to the other. The two sides had  valid points in Severus' opinion, but he remained firmly opposed to bullying weaker students. Although with the way his wand was behaving, he might go down if attacked by a first year.  
In the end, The King and the Queen decided not to break Slytherin’s rule for now. They agreed the matter could be discussed again if the situation further deteriorated.

Sadly, the more aggressive faction led by Mulciber was not happy with this decision and Slytherin  House was divided. It did not show to an outsider but in the common room, the two factions did not mix anymore. 

It gave Severus a cold feeling in his stomach.

They did work together beautifully to implement their revenge on Thornby and Briggs. A potion, a spell and a little bit of Dark Arts had the two of them incapable of walking another way than on all fours. Then, they began seeing hallucinations that followed them whispering threats. Finally, they remained in bed for two days for a bad case of gastroenteritis.

The message was well understood because no other snakelings were injured by an upper year. However, the fights between upper years continued raging.

In the end, the professors’ answer to the growing problem was simple and efficient. They gave so much homework to the upper years they spent their time working in the library or their common rooms. Severus admired their cleverness while Evan cursed them when finally falling into his bed at night. Jonathan only rumbled slightly because why  waste energy on something you could not change?

It was quiet after this. The younger years were not as involved in the political scene. While most followed the example of their elders, they were less ardent about it. Pranks were done on each side but in Severus opinion, they had the intelligence to keep it funny.


	10. Arc I - Hogwarts - Questions without answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to Miette and dpstone12 for betaing this chapter

A new memory rose and Severus smiled. His respect for his Mentor grew every time they interacted,  whether in letters or meetings. Sometimes, he was so jealous of Lucius. He had everything: a loving family, a wonderful father, talent, looks and wealth. But Lucius was like an older brother to him and jealousy always gave way to gratefulness for having them in his life.

Their first meeting of the year happened in November, during the first Hogsmead week-end. Both Evan and Jonathan were spending Saturday with their family so Severus had been elated when Lord Malfoy proposed to devote his day to Severus

As more often than not, they met at the Procope where they enjoyed  the French gastronomy and talked about Lucius and his infatuation with Narcissa Black as well as Severus’ work in Potions. They discussed spell inventions, one of the Lord's hobbies that Severus shared. Severus was very proud of a spell he had created which allowed one to have private discussions while those outside the area of the spell would only hear a faint buzzing sound. The hardest part of the spell was to define the area it would encompass. Severus was proud of it. He had called it Muffliato. The spell was especially handy because ,  if cast properly, it required only a trifle of power to work. Moreover, it allowed him to talk loudly in the library with Evan and Jonathan without disturbing anyone.

Abraxas had requested a demonstration and was delighted with the result, calling for a round of chocolate macarons—Severus’ weakness—and butterbeer.  
After the meal, Abraxas and Severus focused on his school marks.

"I am a bit worried, Severus, " said Lord Malfoy with a frown. "Your marks have dropped in Defence against the Dark Arts and Charms. Even in Runes, they are not as good as before. "

The man looked at Severus with his piercing blue eyes. He felt himself grow red and lowered his eyes to his lap. Would his Mentor understand? Could Severus trust him with this weakness? Would he think less of him? Would the man stop looking at him with... pride and... affection?

"Severus."

He looked up, startled to see the man so close. He instinctively raised his hands but found they were enclosed in the Lord's gentled ones.

"Breathe Severus. Breathe. I know you have a good reason for these marks. I won't get mad. Just breathe. Then you can tell me."

Severus was surprised to realise he was having trouble breathing. He focused in... out...in...out... The Lord's hands squeezed his own in rhythm. Minutes passed in silence until Severus was calm again.

"Sorry Sir," said Severus, wishing he could disappear into the ground while dying to hug his Mentor and never let go.

"Hush my boy. I think these marks trouble you far more than they would if it was mere laziness—which I do not doubt it is not. Transfiguration is not your forte but you have improved so much over the years. You should hear Lucius, you are one of his greatest accomplishments," Lord Malfoy said with a smile. “Lucius expected you to do really well this year as you understand more complex theory than most of your peers on the subject. Your written marks are indeed O but your practicals are mostly A, like many of your peers I know, but it is disappointing with your grasp on theory. Defence against the Darks Arts has always been straight O for you, with Charms and Runes not far behind but this year, while your essays are still on par, you barely have any E in practicals. Only Potions are still at your usual standard but I don't know if you could fail Potions even if you tried."

He paused. 

"You did improve in Arithmancy though, as you promised you would before summer."

Lord Malfoy stared at him pensively, his eyes kind.

"Please tell me what's wrong Severus. If you want to. "

Severus felt his heart swell, watching his Mentor and himself. The man was everything his father was not. He cared. He helped. He listened. He advised. Severus would need to talk to him about Lily and the... incident.

In his memory, he was now looking his Mentor straight in the eyes. Severus did not know if Lord Malfoy could perform Legilimency but he had never felt any intrusion in his mind from his Mentor.  
It did not prevent the Lord from reading him expertly most of the time.

Words rushed out from his mouth.

"It's my wand. I think. I do not have enough power in my spells anymore. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, and I don't know why. I tried wandless magic but I can't do it and my wand works even less afterwards. I don't know what to try anymore. We should have gone to Ollivanders. I only have E or A in practicals when I mostly had O before. I am afraid  I will fail my OWLs because of my wand," ended Severus lamely.

"Who made your wand if not Ollivanders?"

"I don't know. We went through Knockturn Alley then the Woods before coming upon a wooden hut. The only sign was “Wandmaker” engraved on the door, there was no name."

"Ah,” said Lord Malfoy, smiling wistfully. “Maverick. My father took me there too. I went with Lucius when it was time."

He sighed. 

"Maverick has the reputation for making the best wands... when they work."

Severus felt his stomach drop. Was his wand broken? Or improperly made? The Wandmaker had said Severus could not abandon this wand for another once bonded to it and he knew he was.

"We do not know why his wands work or not, although the materials used to make the wand give you an indication of what is expected from you for your wand to be happy with you," continued his Mentor.

Seeing Severus' disbelieving expression—a happy wand? It had feelings?—, he smirked.

"The best Wandmakers consider wands as sentient objects. Like potions, they are made in part from animals, in part from intent and magic. The combination of both gives it a... goal, for lack of a better word, as well as feelings. From my understanding—and wandmaking is seldom discussed with non-Wandmakers—the difficult part is to let the wand open so it can create a link with a Wizard and bond with it to allow him to use the wand to amplify and control his magic. This is where the wood comes into play. It protects the wand essence until it finds a suitable Wizard. Then it opens to allow the Wizard to use the wand. Thus, the Wizard pours magic and intent into his wand each time he uses it, shaping it and influencing the wand’s original goal. Your wand will fully bond with you and work for you when her goal and yours are aligned."

He paused, frowning. 

"Of course, I think it is more complex than this but it is still obscure to me, and even to Wandmakers I suspect. At least, it gives you an idea of the working of a wand."

Severus' mind was buzzing, trying to reconcile his Mentor's explanation with his experience and the Wandmaker's—Maverick—obscure words. His wand had begun failing him in power last year. Was it because it was the year you became an adult in Slytherin, responsible and held accountable for your choices? Was it now expecting him to play the hero and court death?

Despite his fondness for this memory, Severus shivered, remembering his  research into a solution to this dilemma at the beginning of this awful year. Eight months later, he still had no answer. His wand had not improved during the year, even though he had seen death too close for comfort several times after this day. To be truthful, his wand was unstable, sometimes working perfectly, sometimes failing him lamentably. He was beginning to lose hope, that he would pass his OWLS exams. Luckily,  h is wand had performed perfectly during the examinations. He grimaced. But at  what  price?

In his memory, his Mentor was watching him intently.

"May I ask your wand composition?"

Severus shrugged.  
"Ash wood and Thestral tail hair."

Lord Malfoy whistled softly.  
"Maverick did not advise against it?"

"He told Mother to go to Ollivanders. She refused because I was her son. She was so proud," Severus said wistfully.

He hesitated slightly.   
"I received a letter from... Maverick a few days before the beginning of first year. It said “

_ Your wand can make you one of the best  _ _ or _ _ it can let you be one of the more pathetic if you do not master it.  _

_ It is a wand to be grown into as it takes time to bond with the ash. The ash chose you because of your potential but the bond between you will need time to grow and you to nurture it. Once the bond is strong, your control of your power should be perfect. _

_ It is a wand to be grown into as you will need to prove your valour to tame the Thestral tail hair. It will be hard but remember valour can come in many forms. However, I am sad to say you will need to face death to be able to fully master it. Then it will allow you to use your maximal power. _

_ It might never come to be but you have great potential. _

_ PS: Once the ash has bounded with you, it will be near impossible for you to choose another wand without this one being broken. If you shall be the one to break it, you will never be able to use another wand without getting only feeble results.” _

Severus recited the words he knew by heart, having searched for hidden meanings so often.

His Mentor remained silent a long time, his fingers tapping on the table absently. Finally, he sighed.  
Looking at Severus, face weary and eyes filled with concealed worry, he spoke gently.

"Wandmakers often possess a touch of clairvoyance. It is necessary when making a wand, especially when you make it the way Maverick does. I think it will not be easy for you to achieve your goals but you already knew this. It is part of why you work so hard at school and why your wand unreliability affects you so deeply. Know I will always be there to help. To listen. To advise."

He fell silent, eyes lost into the distance.

After what seemed like hours to Severus, his Mentor spoke again.

"I know it will be for the best in the end Severus."

He then moved on to happier topics and they ended the day with silly Ministry anecdotes from the older man, making Severus forget his worries for a time. When they said goodbye, Lord Malfoy surprised Severus with a short hug. 

On the way back to Hogwarts, Severus definitely had a spring in his step.

A new vial opened. Feeling its contents, Severus hesitated then poured it on his lab floor. Fumes went up as the memory took form.

"Hoy Snape!" hollered Beaulieux—the fourth year, not the one he had saved from evil Gryffindors clutches.

Severus raised his head from the chess game Jonathan and he were engrossed in.

"Your Gryffindor Mudblood is ordering you to come outside."

Severus frowned. He could only mean Lily. They had few contacts outside the Potions classroom this year, what could she want?

He froze. Of course, she was friends with McDonald, the Gryffindor Pureblood who had accused Mulciber of attacking her. She was coming again to tell him Slytherins were bad, they were murderers without conscience...Or she was trying to get inside information.

Severus did not know what had happened between McDonald and Mulciber. For once, rumours were scarce in Slytherin, Mulciber had not even gloated about it. He had admitted to doing something to her but nothing more. McDonald and Mulciber had a long history together from what Jonathan had gleaned. They had known each other before Hogwarts and while they had not shown any obvious friendship like Lily and Severus had during their younger years; their relationship had changed last year.

Since fourth year, McDonald and Mulciber were always ribbing each other, throwing covert insults and embodying the rift between Slytherin and Gryffindor as well as the Marauders and Severus did. However, according to Jonathan, it reeked of unwanted attraction between the two of them.

Everybody thought the professors' plot to keep the upper years quiet worked—and it did for the most part—but two days ago Mulciber had come back late in the common room, drunk and in a foul mood. He was mostly incoherent, saying the bitch deserved worse and was lucky someone had happened by. He added something about McDonald teasing him before betraying him but was then quickly whisked away by his friends.  
Severus had no interest in this story so did not remain in the common room to hear the speculations.  
The day after, rumours about McDonald aggression were all around the school.

Two days later, nobody knew much more. Mulciber was still in a foul mood. The Headmaster had sent for him and interrogated him several hours in the presence of Aurors before letting him go back to the common room. It was the word of one Pureblood against another, there was no proof of Mulciber wrongdoing and that was that.

Sighing, he stood up to join Lily outside.

"Oh, the good little dog running to his mudblood Mistress. She ignores him all the time but when she whistles he comes right away," sneered Mulciber.

Mulciber had been among the ones against his friendship with Lily but he had never been that condescending or insulting.

"Want me to show you what to do with her?"

Mulciber's friends laughed. Jonathan tensed. Mulciber had a sickly smile which made Severus hairs stand on his arms. Mulciber had sided with those who wanted to hurt younger years from the other houses in retaliation for the snakelings attack, Severus reminded himself. But still, this was different.

Or maybe not, though t  Severus, watching the scene with unease. He had not been shocked by the word mudblood applied to Lily at the time because it was normal to use it to talk about someone you did not respect. But today it was like a punch in the gut—Severus thanked his Occlumency shields for keeping him distant enough from the feelings the memory conveyed and inspired  in him, but he dreaded the time he would come out of his protected state of mind to face all the feelings he had ignored. The question remained: why had he accepted the word mudblood could apply to Lily? His friends had been careful not to use it for her at the beginning but since she was so distant... now not so much he realized, cheeks burning in shame. They were always careful to only use the word in their common room when she could not hear them and  complain about it to Severus. He could not be mad at them. They had warned him she was not a true friend to him. They had tried to prepare him for the inevitable let down. Fool that he was. Even with the both of them almost not talking, he had believed in their friendship, taking solace  that they were different back home. And she always came back to him with questions, interrogations... She still tried to convince him she was right...You only did that if you cared, right?

This evening, she had come to him again; she had trusted him not to lie to her even to cover for his House. Even though it had been weird.

Ignoring Mulciber—to Jonathan's relief he could tell—Severus went out of the common room.

"Lily?"

"Sev!” she exclaimed, a smile gracing her anxious face. “I wasn't sure you would come."

Severus raised an eyebrow.  
"I'm always here for you Lily. You know it."

She blushed a little, her hands straining her sleeves.  
"I wasn't sure. We do not see each other much this year."

Whose fault was it, he wanted to ask, but she beat him to it.

"It's not a reproach. With our friends and our homework, my prefect duty... I am glad we see each other in Potions class."

Severus blinked. That was nice. Unexpected but nice.

"Can we go talk somewhere private?" she asked, looking around a little nervously.

Right. It was definitively about McDonald.

He shrugged.   
"Sure. Come on."

They walked in silence until they found an empty classroom. As always, Lily sat on a desk while Severus sat astride his chair.

"So,” she said. “You heard about Mary?"

"McDonald?"

She nodded.

"I heard she was attacked in school but with all the... pranks... going around lately, it's not uncommon."

"It was no prank Sev,” Lily said, almost whispering. “He tried to rape her."

What?

"What did you say?"

"Mulciber tried to rape Mary. There are no witnesses. She refused to show the memory to the Aurors. She refused to press charges. I need to find proof for her," she finished, looking him straight in the eyes.

She looked both so strong and so frail.

"This is weird Lily. Why not show her memory of the attack?"

"I think she's ashamed."

"But is she accusing him?"

She sighed.   
"It’s weird. She told me it was Mulciber when I found her during my prefect round. She was... You should have seen her... Her clothes were torn; she had bruises on her... The day after, she said she did not know who had attacked her. But she’s always watching, tensing when Mulciber is  around ."

Severus so not wanted to be here right now. Mulciber's behaviour was coherent with what Lily was telling him but it was no proof... Why was McDonald not accusing him? Her memory could not have been tampered with after Lily had found her… Mulciber had been interrogated and released... And why had Mulciber said she had betrayed him?

He sighed.   
"Honestly Lily, what do you expect me to say? Mulciber did not tour our common room claiming to have attacked McDonald."

She frowned at him. 

"That's all?"

Severus wanted to roll his eyes. What did she expect? McDonald was among her friends that were constantly harping Lily on how she should drop Severus like an old sock, preferably stomping on him a few times for good measure before going away forever with her Gryffindor group of idiots.

"What do you want from me Lily?"

She looked at him with disbelief.   
"One of my friends almost got raped by your friend and you don't care?"

If he had been any less a Slytherin, his jaw would have dropped. What was going on? 

"Lily. First Mulciber is not my friend."

"Really?"

Severus frowned. It was true that compared to the other Houses, Slytherin presented a united front in public, making it hard to know the House politics and alliances. But he had never talked to Lily about Mulciber being his friend so why...

"He's a fifth year Slytherin like me. He never bothered me but we are not particularly acquainted."

"We are not particularly acquainted,” she mimicked. “You've always talked well Sev but now... what a politician," she railed.

It hurt. Mother had taken great care her son talked like any Pureblood and it had been an immense help during his first year but to have Lily use it against him…

"I cannot help if you do not like my answers Lily," Severus said stiffly, feeling more and more like this talk could not end well.

She shook her head.   
"You really don't care, do you?"

"Lily, that's not true. But what would you have me do?" he pleaded.

She jumped, from the desk, standing right in front of him. He had stood too. 

"What if she had been me?"

"Why could it have been you?" Severus asked, feeling out of his depth and like he was missing a huge unsaid part of the conversation.

She looked at him, feelings playing so fast on her face Severus could not follow.

"You really don't get it," she said resignedly.

She left, banging the door and  leaving him alone and lost.

Severus replayed their talk several times in his mind, kicking himself for not showing more sympathy to McDonald but honestly, he had not known how to react. And Lily had not even insisted he  try wrangling out a confession from Mulciber. It was so unlike her to leave him alone without getting what she wanted… 

He let the matter go when her behaviour toward him did not change the days after their conversation.

Watching the memory, Severus wondered... Before saying he did not get it, she had fleetingly looked... relieved? She had asked how he would feel if the same happened to her... Had someone inferred all Slytherins would go attack female Gryffindors and that Lily would be Severus' choice? He felt sick, but it sounded like something Gryffindors could come up with. Black would surely relish telling these rumours. And... He had to admit Mulciber could have been the one to whisper these threats to McDonald…

Unwilling to dwell on this disturbing thought, Severus hurried to open the next memory and immediately regretted it. Fifth year was so not his year.


	11. Arc I - Hogwarts - The "prank"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter betaed by the wonderful Miette and dpstone12 :)

Severus was running through the castle, fear clawing at his insides. His right hand clutched his wand so tightly it hurt but he did not notice.   
His sole focus was to reach the Shrieking Shack in time to prevent Lily from going inside and face a werewolf. 

Severus could not believe she had gone there without telling him. He could not believe she had only sent him a message to tell him she wanted to check by herself  to see if he was right about Lupin. 

It smelled of a Marauders’ trap. 

He knew he should not go but he did not know what they had told Lily to make her investigate on her own. He did not think they would let harm come to her, not with the way saint Potter behaved around her. But the idiots were capable of hurting Lily without meaning to.

Severus smiled bitterly to himself. He had been the idiot this time, too blinded by his fear for Lily and his contempt for the Marauders to calmly think through his options. The four Head of Houses had to have been aware of Lupin’s condition, as well as Mrs Pomfrey in the eventuality she needed to heal him. Either Slughorn or McGonagall would have taken action if he had shown them Lily’s message. He could have avoided this all mess if he had not acted like a mindless Gryffindor.

In her message, Lily had explained how to get past the Whomping Willow and its aggressive branches, another warning sign that screamed “Marauders! Let’s not get there and return to the dormitory”.

Sighting the violent tree, Severus slowed down, looking down its roots for the knot that he needed to press in order to freeze the tree.  
The branches were agitated, slashing through the air with a shrilling sound. Severus approached cautiously, and pointed his wand toward a prominence that stood out now he had been searching for it. 

“Flipendo.”

Everything stopped. The place was now eerily quiet, only disturbed by Severus’ breathing. Wand at ready, he made his way to the entrance now revealed. 

It stank. The passage was damp and dark, the perfect picture of a horror movie Severus had once glimpsed on the TV through the window of a neighbouring house.

“Lumos”, whispered Severus, careful to control the brightness of the light so that he could see where he went without blinding himself. He walked, as silent as he knew to be when wanting to avoid his father's notice. The one good thing his father had taught Severus, without meaning to, was to move soundlessly and even in this unknown place, it served him well.

Distantly, Severus heard a rumbling sound. He felt the hairs on his arms rise. His stomach dropped. Mouth dry, he pushed his fear into one of his mind’s jars and accelerated, afraid the beast had spotted Lily. In his mind, he quickly checked the spells he had researched in case he had to fight Lupin in werewolf form. He also spared a prayer to Helhest, god of Thestrals, asking for his wand’s cooperation.

Coming to a barely opened door, Severus slowly pushed it and came into the room.

The first thing he noticed was Lily’s absence. Relief coursed through him, followed by a fear so intense he thought he would never be able to move again. 

A Werewolf—Lupin he reminded himself—was in the corner of the room. Yellow eyes focused on him and white teeth glimmered in the darkness. It growled then dashed forward the frozen Slytherin.  
Seeing the monster rush to him, Severus’ body reacted when his mind was still processing the fear.

“Petrificus Lupinotum!”

The sound resonated in Severus’ ears. Slowly, he saw the spell come out of his wand and knew he was lost. The spell was on target but it was weak. He cursed the inconsistency of the power in his spells. He cursed his wand who abandoned him in this moment of need. He cursed himself for not remaining in his dormitory. 

All this went through Severus’ mind while the spell hit the Werewolf. The spell should have immobilized it, giving Severus time to either get away or incapacitate it definitively. He did not fancy what would happen to him for killing Lupin and Lord Voldemort wanted to help all creatures so he had studied a non-harmful spell.   
It did not matter anymore. The spell was so weak it only angered the beast. Severus saw the enormous white teeth close on him and he could not do anything. 

Suddenly, he was on the floor. He could not move but the creature was not on him. He heard sounds of struggle close to him but could not even turn his head to watch. A howl iced his blood. He hoped Lily had not arrived and tried to save him. He could feel he was still holding his wand but did not manage to break the spell that immobilized him despite desperately trying silent counter-curses in his mind. So much time spent practising silent casting and it failed him when he most needed it. Or rather his wand failed him, he thought darkly.

Severus watched his memory-self pensively. He had been foolish not to learn at least one way of definitely incapacitating a Werewolf, but it might have been for the best in this case. With his luck, his wand would have worked perfectly this one time, and he knew Dumbledore would have found a way to make him the only one responsible for this tragedy. However, knowing that his spells were lacking power, he should have looked into potions or runes to stop those beasts. He had toyed several times with the idea of tracking Lupin’s holding area during the full moon, to get some blackmail material over the Marauders and have them leave him alone. He should have created a potion to instantly put a Werewolf to sleep. It was not that hard. 

Pushing away his recrimination, he watched his helpless self lie on the hard ground of the shack. 

Seconds passed agonizingly slowly. Severus feared he'd be bitten at any moment. He raged at the thought of not being able to escape. He raged to forget the fear and the regrets for the life he had not lived yet.  
The sounds came closer to him and he would have tensed if he had been able to. He felt something brush past him. It was the end.   
But the sounds went away and all was quiet. He waited and waited but no sound returned.

“Snape.” 

Severus jerked his head toward the voice without thinking. 

First, he saw blasted Potter. Second, he registered that he could move and scrambled to his feet, still clutching his wand. Potter had immobilized him. And third, the Werewolf was nowhere to be seen.

“Let’s get out of here.”

Shaken, not understanding where the Werewolf had gone, still seeing those teeth in front of him and oh so close to him, Severus followed Potter without uttering a sound. 

They walked quickly and in silence, the night eerie around them. Severus' mind was blank. Occlumency did not help because his potion laboratory, his refuge, was barred by big white teeth and growls.  
Finally, they reached the castle’s safety. Releasing a breath he had not realized he had been holding, Severus felt his mind work again. Potter had saved him. How had he known unless... Severus did not have the time to finish his thought as the world went black.

Severus sneered at his memory-self. He had forgotten to watch his back, forgotten he was with Potter of all people, so frightened by the Werewolf encounter...   
In hindsight, he supposed Potter had been erasing the Marauders’ tracks to try and cover up for the... incident as Dumbledore would say. He was puzzled by the means Potter could have used to control the Werewolf—or rather fight it according to the sounds he had heard. Severus was also sure Potter had stunned him back in the shack to prevent him from harming Lupin. He could have died because of it. No one would have cared.

Potter came back and freed him from the spell. Severus had been ready to attack but was thrown by Potter telling him they should go to the Headmaster.

Severus shook his head at his memory self. Despite the Headmasters’ previous actions, he had still believed the man would be fair this time as this was no school prank. He would not make the same mistake again. 

They went in silence. Severus was not surprised when the Marauder knew the password to the Headmaster’s office. He was a Gryffindor favourite.  
After knocking on the Headmaster’s door, they only waited a few minutes before the door opened on its own. 

The Headmaster was behind his desk and bid them to sit down. Potter plopped down in his armchair with the ease of someone accustomed to the place. Severus awkwardly sat on the front of his, tightly holding his hands to prevent them from shaking.  
For once, Severus noticed the Headmaster did not try for the grandfatherly image he usually wore before students. He scrutinized them without letting his thoughts show on his face.

Potter began talking before Severus could even think of something to say.

"Headmaster, sorry to bother you so late but we had a problem with Remus. I saw Snape going to the shack after curfew. I must admit I was coming back from the kitchens for a late snack. I knew he would find Remus fully transformed if he managed to pass the Whomping Willow so I followed him. When I arrived at Remus’ room, the door was open and Snape was ready to curse Remus. I thought Snape was going to hurt Remus so I stunned him. Then I cast Petrificus Lupinotum on Remus like you taught me. I knew I would have the time to before he attacked Snape,” Potter added hurriedly. “Then I used Levicorpus to get Snape out then closed the door before the spell on Remus ended."

Severus was stunned. It was so far from the truth he was speechless.

"Mr. Snape?"

Severus looked at the headmaster who was watching him expectantly. He had been so lost in his outrage he had missed Dumbledore’s question.

"I am sorry headmaster, I did not hear your question," said Severus stiffly.

“It’s okay my boy, I understand seeing a transformed Werewolf so closely can be traumatizing.”

Severus shivered. Those teeth...

“Mr. Snape, I asked if you had something to add.”

Severus steeled himself, knowing it was his word against Saint Potter's.

“I did not harm Lupin. My Petrificus Lupinotum had failed and the monster was almost on me when Potter stunned me. It left the room at some point because when Potter freed me, the Werewolf was not in the room anymore. But I was not levicorpused out of the creature’s room,” he snarled.

“It was not the same place Snape,” intervened Potter. “I think you were quite out of it by then. We were in a room prior to Remus’.”

“Perhaps the shock altered your memory?” suggested Dumbledore.

“It’s not because I almost died that I’m crazy!” Severus burst out.

“Do not put words into my mouth Mr. Snape,” said the Headmaster sternly. “It is known that shock can make someone confused about the happenings having a link with this shock. Now what I am curious to know is why you were going to the shack.”

Severus explained how he had believed Lily was there and how he had though there was not enough time to warn a teacher.

The headmaster raised an eyebrow and turned toward Potter who was looking at the floor studiously.

“Mr. Potter? An idea why Mr. Snape believed Miss Evans would be there?”

Potter shook his head mutely, in negation or refusal to answer no one knew.

Suddenly, Severus understood. A cold rage seeped through him. It could only be...

“Minky!” called Dumbledore.

A house Elf appeared, bowing to the Headmaster.

“Would you please bring Mr. Black here?”

The Elf bowed and disappeared. A few minutes later, she reappeared with Black.

Black did not look like he had been woken up only minutes ago.

The arrogant Marauder looked around him, bowing slightly to the Headmaster and sneering at Severus who sneered back.

“Mr. Black. I asked you to come here so that you may shed some light on an interrogation I have.”

“Yes sir,” answered Black charmingly.

“Would you know why Mr. Snape received a word from Miss Evans stating she would be at the Shrieking shack tonight to check if Mr. Lupin was indeed a Werewolf?”

“Well, it was just a prank,” shrugged Black. “Sniv… Snape has been spying on us for a long time and I overheard Lily yelling at him for daring to think Remus was a Werewolf. I thought if he saw Remus in Wolf form, he would be scared and stop spying on us.”

Severus stared at the idiot. 

“You did not think Mr. Snape could be hurt and infected in the process?”

“Well, no,” answered Black. “I only wanted to scare him.”

Severus was seething. He believed Black was too stupid to think of what could happen when you used a Werewolf to "prank" someone. However, he clearly saw that the Marauder did not care Severus might have been hurt or worse.

“You did not think Mr. Lupin might be expelled and even executed for hurting a student? Or for killing a student? I remind you Mr. Lupin’s condition is a secret for a reason.”

Black whitened. He clearly cared for Lupin and only now realized what could have been his “prank’s” cost for the Marauders. 

It should not have but to have his life so carelessly and easily dismissed—even by someone he despised—while the life of another clearly mattered hurt Severus more than he cared for. It hurt to the point the horror from the night was fading away, replaced by hurt and anger.   
Severus shoved the hurt in a potion jar and focused on the anger, making the flames under the cauldrons of his mind grow bigger and bigger until potions fumes and fire suffused the entire laboratory.

Dumbledore watched his three students in silence, as if trying to gauge their mood. He turned toward Severus again, catching him unprepared and failing to lower his gaze in time.

"Mr. Snape. Would you be willing not to talk of this incident to anyone, for the sake of Mr. Lupin's life and education?”

At the same time the Headmaster finished his question, Severus felt a slight brush against his Occlumency shields. The brush faltered against the potions fumes then glided against them, looking for an opening that did not exist.

Fifth year Severus smirked. He had been outraged at the time by that second breach of privacy but now he was just proud to have blocked Dumbledore successfully. This was the only highlight of that night.

The Headmaster frowned, watching Severus as if trying to see through him.

“Mr. Snape. Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. I see no other choice than to ask you to take an unbreakable vow about tonight's events. I must protect every student of this school and Mr. Lupin deserves no less from me.”

Severus was stunned. How dare he? There really was no end to the man's favouritism and bias. He was asking Severus, the victim, to never talk about the night he was almost killed because Black was a pretentious idiot and Dumbledore liked to play god by keeping a dangerous beast so close to his students?   
Who did he think he was? 

Enraged, Severus answered as calmly as he could in his coldest voice. 

“I fail to see why I should take such an important oath to protect my almost murderers, Headmaster. And I still have not heard about measures to be taken to prevent a repeat of what almost happened tonight, nor about punishments.”

The Headmaster did not answer but suddenly, Severus could feel the man's power and had to resist the sudden urge to cower under his chair. Dumbledore was surrounded by power, his eyes clear and cold piercing through Severus like a glaive.

“Do not presume to tell me how to run my school Mr. Snape. Tonight's prank was ill advised but meant no harm and nobody was hurt. I am protecting the only innocent and victim here, Mr. Lupin, whose only fault is to have been bitten as a child by a malicious person.”

The power faded, and the Headmaster looked at him almost gently. Severus might have been swayed by his next words, so shaken as he was, but for his cold eyes.

"If my memory is correct, Lord Voldemort advocates strongly in favour of Werewolves’ rights. I think he would disapprove of you having one executed."

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, looking at Severus expectantly. Black was glaring hatefully at Severus. He might have been afraid if he had not already faced much worse that night. And for once, Potter looked lost.

Severus shook his head. Watching this memory, seeing Black's expression... He should have expected revenge. And he had for a time. But Black had spent so much time trying to make Lupin forgive him... And then Severus had been focused on his OWLs... And then...   
Right, back to the memory.

Severus was furious. Lord Voldemort could go hang himself with Dumbledore, the Marauders and the others if he chose Lupin over Severus! But he would not, Dumbledore just wanted Severus to agree with the unbreakable vow. 

“I fail to understand the need of an unbreakable vow on this matter. It is an engagement quite extreme just to cover up a... prank,” said Severus, sneering on the hated word.

“If you do not, I will expel you from Hogwarts. I cannot in good conscience allow in this school a student who would lead another to his death. Mister Lupin deserves schooling as much as any other young man. Do not doubt that if it comes to this, there will be a sufficient motive to expel you. Your tale about a Werewolf will be seen as a tentative of revenge against Hogwarts, nothing more. And no other major school will accept you once the cause of your exclusion is known, I can be… creative when need be. You might pass your OWLs on your own but afterwards…” trailed off Dumbledore, eyes as hard as diamonds.

Severus wanted to throw up. Some said the Headmaster was merely blinded by his hate of Slytherins but this… Had not Black led Severus to his death? But he was not threatened with expulsion. Maybe because he was the heir of the important and deranged House of Black…   
Severus struggled to keep his mind clear of his fear and hurt. He needed to pass his OWLs and NEWTs and beyond that to take care of Mother... and to have some hope of improving his life. He refused to live the same kind of life as his parents had. He needed someone to help him get out of this mess. Help…

"I want to consult my legal guardian for advice, as I am still a minor," said Severus, hoping the argument would work. At the beginning of his mentorship, Mother had agreed to give Lord Malfoy conjoint legal rights over her son in the magical world because he could act quicker than her if Severus needed an adult. He really needed one now.

“Of course my boy,” answered the Headmaster genially. “I am sure Professor Slughorn will be happy to advise you.” 

Sensing Severus protest, he added with a pointed look.

“I remind you your head of House acts in loco parentis during the school year. Professor Slughorn is actually your legal guardian right now.”

Severus wanted to knock the satisfied look from the old man’s face. He wanted to punch the wall. He wanted to have remained in his dorm tonight. He wanted… his Mentor with him right now. But he would not be this lucky. Not tonight. Not ever said a little voice in his mind, sounding suspiciously like his father’s.

This was another of his regrets, thought Severus as he looked at the satisfied look of the Headmaster in his memory. He had not anticipated needing to contact his Mentor in emergency while at Hogwarts. He had not looked up how the loco parentis of the Head of Houses truly worked. Because this had been a bluff. While the Heads of House indeed acted as loco parentis during the school year, parents and legal guardians did not lose their authority over their children and wards at the same time. Same children and wards had the right to ask for their presence during disciplinary matters or any other meetings with the school staff. Dumbledore had played on Severus’ ignorance. 

He wondered how the man would have acted if Severus had been able to quote the school rules back at him. 

He should have done so many things differently that night… Even accept the presence of Slughorn. Now that he was more clear headed, he realised that his Head of House, for all his faults, would not have condone d submitting a minor to an unbreakable vow. 

Shaking his head to himself, Severus looked back to see himself make one of  the greatest mistakes of  his life .

Resigned, Severus squared his shoulders. 

“Very well. I will take your bloody oath.”

“There is no need to be rude Mr. Snape. I will let it slide because of tonight’s shock.”

Severus glared at him but Dumbledore paid him no mind.

“Right Mister Snape. Repeat after me…”

“No,” said Severus sharply, looking the Headmaster right in the eyes. “They will take the oath before me.”

The Headmaster looked at him expectantly.

“Sir,” added Severus through clenched teeth.

Dumbledore remained silent for what felt like an eternity to Severus but wisely did not insist and turned towards the two Gryffindors who—in Severus’ opinion—looked far too comfortable considering the situation.

“Mister Black.”

“Yes sir.”

Dumbledore made a complicated yet beautiful motion with his wand on the wand of the Marauder before asking to repeat after him.

“I, Sirius Orion Black, swear never to talk of tonight's events to any person other than those present in this office tonight and Mister Lupin. Those events include the preparation of the prank for Severus Snape, the prank itself as well as the discussion in this office. So be it.”

Black repeated the oath loudly. A blue lightning between his wand and Dumbledore's sealed the vow. Then it was Potter’s turn.

While the Marauder took the oath, Severus was thinking furiously. What could he do to take the oath without it being binding? Mother always said Magic was mostly intent. His Mentor also stressed the importance of one’s intention when casting a spell. All his professors did. Should he take the oath while focusing on how much it repulsed him? Maybe if he combined it with Occlumency…

“Mister Snape.”

Dumbledore’s words were like a cold shower.

“Your turn.”

Quickly, Severus focused on his potions lab, flames still high from before. He focused on the fires. He focused on the fumes. He focused on his disgust, his fear, his repulsion, his refusal of this forced oath. He focused on the injustice of it all. He focused on his almost death. Then, struggling to keep all of these feelings in his mind, he took the oath.


	12. Arc I - Hogwarts - Consequences and Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to the wonderful Miette and dstone12 for betaing this chapter!

As he uttered the last words of the vow, Severus felt like a shape of lead setting on his mind, his fires losing intensity suddenly. He renewed his focus on the flames and felt the shape shrink and lighten until it felt as if a light silken sheet had melted into his potions fumes and covered a little part of his mind. Severus knew he could not let Dumbledore suspect anything so hoping he had at least lessened the vow, he let his attention return to the Headmaster's office.

The Headmaster was observing him. After several minutes, seemingly satisfied, he spoke.

"There is another matter I need to bring to your attention. Mister Potter saved your life, Mister Snape. He is neither a friend nor a member of your family. Your families have no ties. You two are in fact what I would call Arch-enemies. It means Magic now recognizes that you, Mister Snape, owe a life debt to Mister Potter. Mister Potter can choose to collect this debt anytime he wants to, but Magic will only consider the debt paid when what is given is worth as much to you as your life is."

He paused, watching his students.

Potter's face was a mix between surprise, resignation and satisfaction.  
Black was gleeful.  
Severus was white. 

Without Occlumency, he would have fainted. Or gone into a rage. But no. 

"Is that all Headmaster?"

Seemingly unconcerned, as if he had not dropped a bomb to end Severus' wonderful evening, Dumbledore answered. 

"As long as you have no question on life debts, you may go Mister Snape."

Shaking his head to indicate he had none, Severus left the Headmaster's office while the two Marauders remained. He went down the stairs in autopilot, thoughts circling through his mind. What had really happened there?

Severus slowly paced in his lab as he pondered the memory. Even today, he still had trouble accepting how callous the Headmaster was. How easily he had dismissed one of his students, only because he was a Slytherin. How could he have become Hogwarts’ Headmaster when he despised one of his House so? Surely, one of the Oaths he had sworn when becoming the Headmaster should have prevented this kind of behaviour?    
Oaths were tricky, as he had learnt this year. He could not wait to be apprenticed and study this kind of Magic. 

Severus smiled bitterly as he watched his memory self rack his brain to find a solution out of this mess. 

Severus knew he had tweaked the unbreakable vow but would it be enough? He had to research the functioning of bonds but was pretty sure there were no interesting books in the library on the subject. He had almost finished the seventh-year Defence Against the Dark Arts curriculum and magical bonds were only given a brief look. Bonds were considered advanced and dangerous magic because most of them were dark. Indeed, most bonds required a sacrifice. Severus was surprised that unbreakable vows were not forbidden by the Ministry because the subject lost part of his freewill. He supposed it was too useful to ban.    
Severus wondered if he could bring his questions to Lord Malfoy. It would be difficult without knowing the boundaries of the vow but if he approached it like a research project of his own, it might work. Severus would have to be careful in wording his request not to raise his sponsor suspicion. Bonds were not common research for fifteen years old after all. But this should help Severus for his understanding of both the unbreakable vow and the life debt.   
Severus felt his stomach tighten when the thought he might owe a life debt to Potter of all people escaped his mind's laboratory fumes. Suddenly, his hands were shaking badly. In fact, his whole body was trembling. Adrenalin must have run out and now that the tension was leaving him, Severus' control was slipping. As quickly as he could, he went to his physical potion laboratory where he sat on the cold floor, rocking himself and focusing on his mind's potions fumes until he felt like he could walk.

Severus sighed , he knew the rest of this year's memories would not get better. But something Dumbledore had said in the memory nagged at his mind. To pass his OWLS on his own... Why not try to pass his NEWTS on his own? He had studied in advance in Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration already. He might manage a passing grade in Arithmancy and Runes, depending on the date of the exams. It would have to be before September if he wanted to find an Apprenticeship. Worse, he needed the results before September so... NEWTS at the end of July if there was a session. He should also try for Care of Magical Creatures but he would lack two years of practicals. 

Merlin, the only NEWTS he knew he would pass was Potions.    
He had to look into it. It could be the answer.  
But first, he needed to finish this trip in his memories. 

Severus grimaced. His temper had always been short, and even atrocious in his third year when he had had to contend with Marauders, brewing for Mother, fear for her as she remained behind with his father, guilt for leaving her with him, stress from studying Transfiguration, frustration with Lily, growing pains… He had thought he had reached the worst he could be back then. Werewolves had brought out a whole new level of meanness in him. 

Severus watched his memory shimmer in front of him, reluctant to enter it but knowing he had to. Scolding himself for being afraid of taking responsibility for his past actions, he went in. 

One week after the werewolf... prank, Severus nerves were frayed. Ready to snap at anything. The younger Slytherins—and even the older ones—avoided him. Only Jonathan and Evan dared sit next to him, chatting quietly and sending worried looks his way.

He was pale as a ghost. His eyes were shuttered, black like the voids in the universe. Dark shadows under his eyes made him look like he had been punched in the face twice with utmost precision. His hai r hung in front of his face, greasier than ever. His mouth was frozen between a perpetual scowl and a wild snarl.  
He was frightening. He did not care. 

He had hurt several of his peers during the last Defence Against the Dark Arts class. They were supposed to practice the Accio spell for the third session in a row. His spell was seldom strong enough to take the book from Jonathan's hand and fly it to his own. Ironic, knowing his first bout of accidental magic had been to bring his ball to him.  
This time, Severus had taken the book from Evan's hand. He had also wrenched the books from everyone practising and inadvertently brought all of them on Corbin's head—Corbin was a haughty Ravenclaw Muggleborn—, a few rebounding on other classmates. He had been quite happy with this unexpected feat because at the time, he had been angry at the Raven for mocking Severus' lack of success while lazily accioing his book from his partner's hands.    
Their idiot professor only told Severus to mind the power of his spells then returned to his desk while the entire class gaped.   
Most laughed when his next try only produced a small cloud of smoke.

When the bell rang, Severus stormed from the class to return to his common room, Jonathan and Evan trailing behind. He immediately began his homework, focusing on the happiness charm theory and how to best structure his essay to answer the question “How can you enhance, or on the contrary lessen, the effects of the happiness charm? Explain and illustrate with examples which will be practised during class.” 

Jonathan and Evan settled next to him and began talking about their Potions essay.

Severus wanted to close his eyes in shame, not to watch what was going to happen next.

His memory self was scowling, silently muttering to himself. He was in the middle of explaining how a giggling potion could enhance the happiness felt by someone under the happiness charm, but only if the person was not ashamed of expressing his joy with giggles—meaning it would have absolutely no effect for Severus and might even nullify the impact of the charms—when he heard Jonathan.

"Okay Evan, I don't see where you read that ladybird's legs can be used instead of frog's legs in the confusing potion. It does not make sense when..."

Slash. Claws ripped in front of Severus, almost startling him. He growled, pushing the wolf behind his mind potions fumes.

“See here,” explained Evan to Jonathan, “for a memory potion, they use ladybird's eyes, so I thought in our case we could extrapolate and…”

Large yellow canine eyes were watching Severus as he tried to continue his essay. He felt his hairs rise. He had to focus on the essay.

"Come on Evan, why do you think…"

The Wolf was growling now, preparing to pounce on Severus.

"Jonathan, you are so narrow-minded. Be a little imaginative. I am sure we can translate some ingredients from this memory potion for our project and..."

“Can't you stop blabbering you idiot,” snapped Severus while he struggled to ignore the wolf jumping above him. “Ladybirds are known for retaining memories while you want to confuse someone, meaning you want him to lose his memories or at least his certainty in his memory. How is it so hard for even your little brain to comprehend?” he finished, his words razor edges that cut easily into his friend.

“Severus,” intervened Jonathan. “It is not that evident. You can discuss…”

“No, you cannot. You are only trying because you are being a negotiator,” Severus sneered derisively. “Always avoiding conflicts because you cannot stand them. Better an idiot than a coward,” he finished, standing suddenly to escape to his potions lab, leaving his two stricken friends.

Breathing heavily, Severus let himself fall on the ground, shaking. 

The look on Evan's face... and Jonathan's... 

Why did he say those words to his friends? To shut them up so he could concentrate on not thinking about the werewolf he answered himself. But he could have asked them to stop speaking without being so hurtful... The fear was controlling him. Day and night. He spent his nights in the passage leading to the room, surrounded by growls and yellow eyes. During the days, he replayed the memory in his head. Occlumency did not even bring him peace. He had tried to lock the memory in his mind's lab, but potion ingredients kept morphing into werewolves' parts that threatened him from their shelves and tried to get out of their jars. Werewolves' growls came from his bubbling cauldrons, over and over. Only focusing totally on a complex subject brought him solace. 

It was no excuse. He had to apologise. If they let him.  
He could not hurt them again. He had to find another way.

Severus skipped dinner, stomach hurting, while trying to compose his apology. When he finally went back to his room, Jonathan and Evan were on Jonathan's bed. They ceased talking when he opened the door. Severus closed it carefully. Hanging his head, he went to stand in front of them. Evan glared. Jonathan kept his face blank.

“I’m sorry.”

They stared. Severus swallowed thickly.

“I am really sorry. Will you... still be... my friends?”

Severus hated himself for the pleading in his voice. Weakness. They were his friends, it should not matter. They were Slytherins. Of course it would. Wouldn't it?

Evan and Jonathan looked at each other then sighed. Jonathan stood up and dragged Severus on the bed between the two of them.

“Of course we will, you idiot,” said Jonathan.

“Yeah, you can be quite dumb for a genius,” added Evan smirking.

Severus felt the tension inside him uncoil but fought to remain vigilant.

“What is going on Severus?” asked Jonathan. “You look like a cadaver.”

“Even more than usual,” piped in Evan

“You were quite relaxed—for you—this year but suddenly one week ago you just... changed!” continued his friend, ignoring Evan’s intervention.

"Now you are scaring the firsties and the seventh years alike!" added Evan helpfully.

“I bet it got something to do with the Marauders falling out,” said Jonathan, watching Severus carefully.

His friends were looking at him earnestly. He should tell them. They could help him. Maybe.  
The moment he decided he was telling them that Lupin had almost killed him; he felt the sheet covering his memory stir. Clearly, the oath was at least partly active. 

Severus frowned. He prodded the sheet in his mind, watching as some parts felt welded to his memories while others just rested on them.   
He might be able to tell the incident if he censored some information. Magic recognised intent. Dumbledore's main concern clearly was Lupin's safety and anonymity—as well as his own career, because allowing a Werewolf to study in Hogwarts could destroy the Headmaster's reputation. The oath should have focused on this intent. It should allow Severus to say he had almost been mauled by a Werewolf because of a prank. His slytherin friends should draw the right conclusion quickly enough. Lots of shoulds in this but he had to try. For his sanity.

“A... prank happened,” said Severus carefully choosing his words while closely looking at the sheet in his memory. It did not move.

“A week ago, I had a close and unfortunate encounter with a... creature.”

While Severus was speaking, the sheet had begun weighting more and more on his mind. Severus had to shift the word Werewolf to creature to avoid suffocation. Even then, he felt like he would never be able to think again. The sheet was putting heavy pressure on his mind. He tried to add that the Marauders had done the prank but found he could not speak, no matter how much he willed himself to.

“Severus! What's wrong?”

His two friends looked alarmed. He realised he was breathing hard, with difficulty. Alright, time to stop speaking about the incident. 

All at once, the sheet released its hold on his mind and he could breath. And think.

“Okaaaay,” said Evan. “You clearly cannot speak of this... prank easily so someone important made you take a Silencing Oath.”

“Unbreakable oath I think,” added Jonathan, thinking furiously. “It's the only oath people in this school do not consider Dark with the exceptions of Slytherins. Although it should have prevented you from speaking of it, even in the vague way you did… Unless it was badly cast…” he finished doubtfully.

“Unless Severus is a genius as usual,” said Evan emphatically. “Hmmm, it could have been a Slytherin if he wanted to protect his secret... If he owned a creature dangerous enough to scare Severus… Blackmail material if you ask me.”

"No, Severus said it was a prank. No Slytherin would consider a creature that shook Severus that badly prank material. No Hufflepuff either I think. It means Ravenclaws or Gryffindors… I just don't see any student casting an unspeakable oath or you agreeing to take it for a student in the first place. But I don't see any adult playing a prank on you either,” said Jonathan frustrated.

He shook his head.    
“Anyway, it was sure Severus would see the creature at some point but be expected to survive… When you say prank, I think Marauders, especially as they were not their usual united group this past week, but I don't see them with a dangerous creature…”

His eyes widened and he looked at Severus in alarm.   
"Wait, you told us you suspected Lupin of being a Werewolf. We agreed the signs were there. You discovered proof he really is..." trailed off Jonathan, watching Severus for some sign of agreement.

Severus did not dare say anything, feeling the sheet alert in his head. He only gave Jonathan a little smile.

“But no way Severus would have taken an oath for them,” said Evan, frowning. “So… Dumbledore?” he asked, both disbelieving and resigned

Again, Severus smiled. He was exhausted. His head was pounding. He had managed to talk to his friends.

“Of course,” snarled Evan, fist pounding on the bed. Again and again.

Evan remained silent, murder in his eyes, before letting out a frustrated shout.   
“Must have been a really close call to have you so out of sorts. And with the oath preventing you from speaking of it... Merlin, Severus, no wonder you are snappish!”

Severus only shrugged. What could he say?

“Were you hurt?” asked Jonathan, suddenly worried.

Severus shook his head mutedly and his two friends visibly let out a breath. They began arguing about ways to denounce the incident and Dumbledore's involvement.

Suddenly, Evan turned to Severus and said:   
“Have you tried looking for loopholes in the oath? I don't think you can tell us the exact wording but seeing you managed to tell us something, there must be a weakness.”

Jonathan frowned. 

"It sounds unlikely from Dumbledore but Severus did talk to us."

In truth, Severus had been too focused on not thinking about anything Werewolf to look for any loophole. In fact, he wanted to slap himself for assuming any oath crafted by Dumbledore would be perfect if not for his Occlumency. So, weaknesses.

_ I, Severus Tobias Snape, swear never to talk... _

Hmmmmm he should be able to write about the incident. Or even show his memory...

_ of tonight's events to any person... _

Ah, what qualified a person? Would a Goblin be a person or a creature... or both? And which creature would want to help Severus?

A Ghost maybe. The Bloody Baron gave advice to Slytherins sometimes.

_ Other than those present in this office tonight and Mister Lupin. Those events include the preparation of the prank for Severus Snape, the prank itself as well as the discussion in this office. So be it.  _ __

Severus really had a hard time calling the incident a prank. Could this difference of view give him some leave away? He had been able to use the word prank. But he had had difficulties telling Evan and Jonathan details about this prank so it clearly was not enough. Also, the word Werewolf was not in the oath but he had not been able to say it, the oath reacting violently. How strange… Bonds really were complex magic. He needed to find more information.   
But first, to test his theories.

Under the curious eyes of his friends, Severus went to retrieve some writing material. He settled on his bed.

I was attacked by a werewolf. At school. It was a prank.

_ I fear Werewolves. I learned about them at school. I hate pranks. _

Severus blinked. He had not written what he thought he had. He frowned, concentrating on his writing and augmenting his potions fumes.

_ I saw a Werewolf too close. I am afraid at school. People have funny definitions of pranks. _

That was not working, although he had been able to write the word Werewolf. One theory done until he found someone who could lend him a pensieve to try to show his memories to his friends. 

Alright, he needed to find the Bloody Baron.

The slytherin ghost was a taciturn sort although he always helped the first years find their way in the labyrinth the castle was. All Slytherins knew that if you wanted to talk to him, you had to stand in the corner of the common room where three stone snakes were entwined.   
Why here was a mystery but it always worked. When the Baron appeared, you asked your question and he would either answer you or disappear. Severus had not talked to the Baron since first year. He had noticed the prefects, the queen and the king were the ones who called for him the most.

Severus waited less than two minutes before the Baron appeared. 

“How may I help Slytherin's genius?”

Severus knew he had not completely hidden his surprise. There was pride in the Ghost’s voice.

“I will try to tell you something important,” blurted Severus, unbalanced by the recognition of his worth by his House's Ghost.

“I see,” said the Baron.

Severus believed him. He felt like the ghost understood a lot from these few words.

“Say what you can, snakeling.”

Severus smiled, watching himself bristle at the term. Of course, he was a mere child compared to the Baron. He really should speak more with the Ghost, if only because he was curious about the genius title.

Back in his memory, he was choking on his words. So much for that theory.

“Why did you think you would be able to talk to me, young Slytherin?”

Severus breathed heavily.    
“I thought maybe you would not count as a person.”

He waited uncertain, knowing he might have offended the Ghost but unwilling to lie.

Instead, the Baron gave him a sad smile.    
“I am honoured you were not able to talk to me.”

Severus frowned. What did he mean?

Before he could ask, the Baron was talking again.   
“Hogwarts’ first priority is her children. But how do you protect some when it means abandoning others?

She was created by human beings through Magic; as such she is as fallible as any of them. She chooses her Headmaster, one of her criteria being he must have an almost equal representation of the four Houses traits within himself. Sadly, it does not mean he will love all his students equally. Hogwarts can not foresee how outside events will affect her chosen. But there is also hope that people can change..."

He sighed soundlessly.   
"These days, it almost feels like Hogwarts is fighting against herself. How can you win against yourself without losing?"

The Baron disappeared before Severus could even think about asking a question. 

That was weird, he thought as he walked back slowly to his room. The Baron must have a reason for his speech but it left Severus baffled. Same as some of his discussion with his Mentor. What stuck with him though was that the Ghost had been honoured by Severus' inability to speak to him.

Severus nodded to himself as he watched the memory. Magic was intent. Severus had unconsciously considered the Ghost the equal of any other magic beings, thus honouring him but preventing Severus from speaking to him of the Werewolf incident. Passing his NEWTs early to begin studying Oaths and other very interesting Magic was definitely appealing. Though it would mean not seeing Evan and Jonathan everyday during the next two years. 

In his memory, both his friends looked at him expectantly as he entered his room. He shook his head and set himself between the two of them.  
They remained silent, enjoying the comfort their closeness gave them. 

Jonathan was the one to speak.  
“While you were gone, Evan and I thought of something.”

He hesitated then continued.  
“Lord Voldemort wants to improve creatures' conditions. I think he would support you if you managed to talk to Lord Malfoy about the prank but…”

Severus nodded. He knew Dumbledore had had a point. But he wanted to have the choice whether to tell or not.

“We don't care,” said Evan vigorously. “If you want us to, we will work with you to make the Marauders pay for what they did. Even if it works against Lord Voldemort's stance on the creature issue.” 

Severus smiled gratefully. Politics were important to Slytherins. Going against it meant a lot from his friends. 

“It's enough you know for now. I just need to find how to break the oath.”

They remained in their room and played chess, allowing Severus to focus on the game and forget about Werewolves for a few hours. 

That night, as he lay in bed, sleep refused to come to Severus. His brain was working furiously. He could not let his fear control him anymore. He was hurting his friends. He needed to get a grip. Werewolf teeth flashed in front of his eyes and he shivered. How could he feel safe again? He knew he would not be able to defend himself against a Werewolf thanks to his traitorous wand. How ironic. He had faced death and yet... Or did his wand consider he had failed to face death because of Potter?    
No matter. How could he win against a Werewolf without his wand? Or maybe… Yes, he had to find a spell that would work no matter his lack of power. Furiously scanning the numerous spells he had learned, Severus came to the conclusion none were suitable. Either they demanded too much power or would not affect the wolf. Indeed, magical creatures were resistant to many spells that worked on Wizards, thanks to their innate magic. He had to create a spell that required little power and hurt a magical creature… so a spell that used the magic in the creature to hurt it… yes, the more you had magic in you, the more effective it would be….  But it would take some time to work the spell out. During this time… he would concentrate on his anger instead of his fear… and unleash it on people he did not care about…

Severus smirked at the thought from his memory self. He was proud of his spell. More of a curse really. 

Sectumsempra. 

His curse opened deep gashes in the body of the creature to drain the magic from it until it died. It could only be reversed by his counter-spell, Severus had made sure Finite Incantem or other such generic counters did not work. He had tested it on himself to be sure. He knew it was not one of his smarter moves but he had been... upset at the time.    
A side effect of the gashes, which were necessary to reach the Magic of the creatures, was that the spell worked on all living creatures, magical or not. It comforted Severus that his spell would also work against his father if he ever dared come back.    
The spell did not require much power because it fed on the magic inside the creatures. Non-magical ones simply bled out. The spell could not feed on their magic but they did not have magic to strengthen their body so the blood loss was enough to kill them.    
Power from the caster was only needed to open the first gashes. Skin usually was fragile so only a small amount of power was needed.   
It would require a lot more power to pierce a dragon’s hide but in this case Severus would cast two Sectumsempra in a loop. The first one would be for the eyes or tongues, soft and unprotected parts of the dragon. It would begin draining magic from the dragon. Severus would then cast a second Sectumsempra linked to the drained magic and aimed at the dragon's body. The second spell would take power from the dragon's lost magic instead of Severus', allowing for more power without risking an exhaustion of his magical core. The more the spell worked, the more it drained magic, the more powerful it became.

This kind of casting was Dark and forbidden. Mother had made sure Severus mastered it. It was precise and complex, the more dangerous part being the creation of the link between the outside magic and your spell.    
One had to be careful not to absorb the foreign magic because it could overflow his core or taint it. The results were either death or madness, right then or years later.    
Severus had been careful to construct his spell so the drained magic was not absorbed by the caster but by either earth or water. Using two of the major elements ensured it would merely join the magic present in the world without causing unbalance. 

Severus felt a pang of sadness at the idea of killing a proud creature like a dragon. At least, there were none hidden in the school.


End file.
